10.
Sydney
It’s been two weeks since Ridge and I have worked on lyrics together. A few days after Maggie went home, Ridge ended up leaving for six days because of a family emergency. He was vague about what the emergency was, but it reminded me of when I still lived with Tori and he was absent from his balcony for several days. A family emergency was his excuse then, too.
Based on conversations I’ve heard Warren have on the phone with Brennan, I know it didn’t have anything to do with Brennan. But he’s never mentioned having family other than Brennan. When Ridge returned a few days ago, I asked him if everything was okay and he said things were fine. He didn’t seem to want to share any details, and I’m trying to remind myself that his personal life is none of my concern.
I’ve immersed myself in school, and every now and then, I’ll attempt to write lyrics on my own, but it isn’t the same when I don’t have the music to go along with it. Ridge has been home for a few days now, but he’s spent most of his time in his room catching up on work, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s kept his distance for other reasons.
I’ve been hanging out with Warren a lot and have learned more about his relationship with Bridgette. I haven’t had any more interactions with her, so as far as I know, she still assumes I’m deaf.
Based on what Warren has told me, their relationship is anything but typical. Warren never met Bridgette before she moved in six months ago, but she’s a longtime friend of Brennan’s. Warren says that he and Bridgette don’t get along at all, and during the day, they live separate lives. But at night, it’s a completely different story. He has tried to go into more detail than I care to hear, so I force him to shut up when he begins to overshare.
I’m really wishing he would shut up right now, because he’s in the midst of one of his oversharing moments. I have to leave for class in half an hour, and I’m trying to finish reading a last-minute chapter, but he’s intent on telling me all about last night and how he wouldn’t let her take her Hooters uniform off because he likes to role-play, and oh, my God, why does he think I care to hear this?
Luckily, Bridgette walks out of her room, and it’s more than likely the first time I’ve ever been happy to see her.
“Good morning, Bridgette,” Warren says, his eyes following her across the living room. “Sleep well?”
“Screw you, Warren,” she says in return.
I’m beginning to understand that this is their typical morning greeting. She walks into the kitchen and glances at me, then at Warren seated next to me on the couch. She narrows her eyes at him and turns toward the refrigerator. Ridge is at the dining-room table, concentrating on his laptop.
“I don’t like how she’s up your ass all the time,” Bridgette says with her back to me.
Warren looks at me and laughs. Apparently, Bridgette still assumes I can’t hear her, but I’m not finding much humor in the fact that she’s talking shit about me.
She spins around and eyes Warren. “You think that’s funny?” she says to him. “The girl obviously has it bad for you, and you can’t even respect me enough to distance yourself from her until I’m out of the house?” She turns her back to us again. “First she gives Ridge some sob story so he’ll let her move in, and now she’s taking advantage of the fact that you know sign language so she can flirt with you.”
“Bridgette, stop.” Warren isn’t laughing anymore, because he can see how white my knuckles are, clasped around my book. I think he’s afraid Bridgette’s about to get hit upside the head with a hardback. He’s right to be afraid.
“You stop, Warren,” she says, turning back around to face him. “Either stop crawling into bed with me at night or stop shacking up on the couch with her during the day.”
I drop my book onto my lap with a loud slap, then kick my feet up and down against the floor out of frustration, anger, and flat-out annoyance. I can’t put up with this girl for another second.
“Bridgette, please!” I yell. “Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up! Christ! I don’t know why you think I’m deaf, and I’m definitely not a whore, and I’m not using sign language to flirt with Warren. I don’t even know sign language. And from now on, please stop yelling when you speak to me!”
Bridgette cocks her pretty little head, and her mouth hangs open in shock. She silently stares at me for several seconds. No one in the room makes a move. She turns her attention to Warren, and the anger in her eyes is replaced with hurt. She immediately looks away once the hurt takes over, and she heads straight back to her room.
I glance over to see Ridge staring at me, more than likely wondering what the hell just happened. I lean my head back against the couch and sigh.
I was hoping that would feel good, but it didn’t feel good at all.
“Well,” Warren says, “there goes my chance to act out all the role-playing scenes I’ve been imagining. Thanks a lot, Sydney.”
“Screw you, Warren,” I say, understanding a little bit where Bridgette’s attitude comes from.
I slide my book off my lap and stand up, then walk to Bridgette’s door. I knock, but she doesn’t open it. I knock again, turn the knob, and push the door slightly open to peek inside.
“Bridgette?”
A pillow meets the back of the door with a thud. “Get the hell out of my room!”
I ignore her and open the door a little further until I can see her. She’s sitting on her bed, with her knees pulled up to her chest. When she sees me coming into her room, she quickly wipes her eyes, then turns the other way.
She’s crying, and now I really feel shitty. I walk to her bed and sit on the edge of it, as far out of her reach as possible. I may feel bad, but I’m still scared to death of her.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
She rolls her eyes and falls back onto the bed in a huff. “You are not,” she says. “I don’t blame you. I deserved it.”
I tilt my head. Did she really just admit that she deserved it? “I’m not gonna lie, Bridgette. You are kind of a bitch.”
She laughs softly, then folds her arm over her eyes. “God, I know. I just get so annoyed with people, but I can’t help it. It’s not like it’s my goal in life to be a bitch.”
I lie back on the bed with her. “So don’t be one, then. It takes way more effort to be a bitch than it does to not be one.”
She shakes her head. “You can say that because you’re not a bitch.”
I sigh. She may not think I’m a bitch, but I sure have been feeling like one lately. “For what it’s worth, I’m more evil than you might think. I may not express my feelings in quite the same fashion as you, but I definitely have evil thoughts. And lately, evil intentions. I’m beginning to think I’m not as nice as I always thought I was.”
Bridgette doesn’t respond to my admission for a few quiet moments. She finally sighs heavily and sits up on the bed. “Can I ask you something? Now that I know you can actually answer me?”
I sit up, too, and nod.
“Are you and Warren . . .” She pauses. “You guys seem to get along really well, and I was curious if . . .”
I smile, because I know where she’s going with this, and I interrupt her string of thought. “Warren and I are friends, and we could never be more than friends. He’s sort of oddly infatuated with this bitchy Hooters waitress he knows.”
Bridgette smiles, but then she quickly stops smiling and looks straight at me. “How long has Warren known that I thought you were deaf?”
I think back on the past few weeks. “Since the morning after I moved in?” I wince, knowing Warren’s about to experience the side of Bridgette we all know too well. “But please go easy on him, Bridgette. As strangely as you two show it, he really does like you. He might even love you, but he was drunk when he said that, so I don’t know for sure.”
If it’s possible to hear a heart stop, I just heard hers come to a screeching halt. “He said that?”
I nod. “A couple of weeks ago. We were leaving the club, and he was wasted, but he said something about how he’s pretty sure he might love you. I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, though.”
She drops her eyes to the floor and is quiet for several seconds, then looks back up at me. “You know, most things people say when they’re drunk are more accurate and honest than the things they say when they’re sober.”
I nod, unsure if that’s a true fact or just a Bridgette fact. She stands up and walks swiftly to the door, then swings it open.
Oh, no.
She’s about to kill Warren, and it’s partly my fault. I stand up and rush to the door, prepared to catch the blame for telling her what Warren said. However, once I reach the living room, she’s swinging her leg over his, sliding onto his lap. Warren’s eyes are wide, and he’s looking at her in fear, which tells me this isn’t one of her usual moves.
Bridgette takes Warren’s face in her hands, and he hesitantly brings his hands to her lower back. She sighs, staring him hard in the eyes. “I can’t believe I’m falling in love with such a stupid, stupid a*shole,” she says to him.
He stares at her for several seconds while her comment registers, and then his hands fly up to the back of her head and he crashes their lips together. He scoots forward and stands with Bridgette wrapped around him. Then, without breaking for air, he takes her directly to his bedroom, where the door shuts behind them.
I’m smiling, because Bridgette is more than likely the only girl in existence who could pull off calling someone an a*shole and in the same breath confess her love. And oddly enough, Warren is probably one of the few guys who would find that appealing.
They’re perfect for each other.
Ridge: How in the hell did you pull that one off? I was waiting for her to come out here and strangle him. You spend two minutes with her, and she’s all over him.
Me: She’s actually not as bad as she seems.
Ridge: Really?
Me: Well, maybe she is. But I guess I admire that about her. She’s true to herself.
Ridge smiles, sets his phone down, and drops his eyes back to his laptop. There’s something different about him now. I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is, but I can see it in his eyes. He looks distraught. Or sad. Or maybe just tired?
He actually looks like a little bit of all three, and it makes me hurt for him. When I first met him, he seemed to have everything together. Now that I’ve gotten to know him better, I’m beginning to think that’s not the case. The guy standing in front of me right now looks as if his life is a mess, and I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface.
Ridge: I’m still a little behind on work, but I should be caught up by tonight. If you feel like running through a new song, you know where to find me.
Me: Sounds good. I have an afternoon study group, but I’ll be back by seven.
He smiles halfheartedly and heads to his room. I know I’m beginning to understand most of his expressions. The one he just shot me was definitely a look of nervousness.
Ridge
I assumed she didn’t feel like writing tonight when she didn’t show, and I told myself I was okay with that.
However, it’s a few minutes past eight, and my light just flickered. I can’t ignore the rush of adrenaline pumping through me. I tell myself my body is having the reaction it’s having because I’m passionate about writing music, but if that were the case, why don’t I get this excited when I write alone? Or with Brennan?
I close my eyes and gently lay my guitar next to me while inhaling a steady breath. It’s been weeks since we’ve done this. Since the night she let me hear her sing and it completely changed the dynamic of our working relationship.
That’s not her fault, though. I’m not even sure if it’s my fault. It’s nature’s fault, because attraction is an ugly beast, and I’ll be damned if I don’t conquer it.
I can do this.
I open the door to my bedroom and step aside while she comes in with her notebook and her laptop. She walks confidently toward the bed and drops down onto it, then opens her laptop. I sit back down and open mine.
Sydney: I couldn’t pay attention in class today, because all I wanted to do was write lyrics. I wouldn’t let myself write any, though, because it comes so much better when you play. I’ve missed this. I didn’t think I would like it at first, and it made me nervous, but I love writing lyrics. Love, love, love it. Let’s go, I’m ready.
She’s smiling at me and giddily patting her palms against the mattress.
I smile back as I lean against the headboard and begin playing the opening to a new song I’ve been working on. I haven’t finished it yet, but I’m hoping that with her help, we’ll make some headway tonight.
I play the song several times, and she watches me some of the time, then writes some of the time. She uses her hands to tell me to pause or back up or move on to the next chorus or to restart the song altogether. I keep a close eye on her while I play, and we continue this dance for more than an hour. She does a lot of scratching out and makes a heck of a lot of faces that I’m not sure convey that she’s having any fun.
She eventually sits up and tears the paper out of the notebook, then wads it up and tosses it into the trash can. She slaps her notebook shut and shakes her head.
Sydney: I’m sorry, Ridge. Maybe I’m just exhausted, but it’s not clicking right now. Can we try this again tomorrow night?
I nod, doing my best to hide my disappointment. I don’t like seeing her frustrated. She takes her laptop and notebook and starts to walk back toward her bedroom. She turns back around and mouths, “Good night.”
As soon as she disappears, I’m off the bed and digging through the trash can. I pull out her wadded-up sheet of paper and take it back to my bed and unfold it.
Watching him from here
So far away
Want him closer than my heart can take
I want him here I want
Maybe one of these days Someday
There are random sentences, some marked out, some not. I read all of them, attempting to work my way around them.
I’d run to him, if I could stand
But I can’t make that demand
I can’t be his right now
Why can’t he take me away
Reading her words feels like an invasion of her privacy. But is it? Technically, we’re in this together, so I should be able to read what she’s writing as she writes it.
But there’s something different about this song. It’s different because this song doesn’t sound like it’s about Hunter.
This song sounds a little like it could be about me.
I shouldn’t be doing this. I should not be picking up my phone right now, and I should definitely not be contemplating how to persuade her to help me finish this song tonight.
Me: Don’t be mad, but I’m reading your lyrics. I think I know where your frustration is coming from.
Sydney: Could it be coming from the fact that I suck at writing lyrics and a few songs is all I had in me?
I pick up my guitar and head to her bedroom. I knock and open her door, assuming she’s still decent since she just left my room two minutes ago. I walk to her bed and sit, then grab her notebook and pen and place her lyrics on top of the notebook. I write a note and hand it to her.
You have to remember the band you’re writing lyrics for is all guys. I know it’s hard to write from a male point of view, since you’re obviously not male. If you stop writing this song from your own point of view and try to feel it from a different point of view, the lyrics might come. Maybe it’s been hard because you know a guy will be singing it, but the feelings are coming from you. Just flip it around and see what happens.
She reads my note, then picks up the pen and shifts back on her bed. She looks at me and nods her head toward my guitar, indicating that she’ll give it a try. I scoot off the bed and onto the floor, then stand my guitar upright and pull it against my chest. When I’m working out chords to a new song, it helps to play this way sometimes so I can feel the vibrations more clearly.
I close my eyes, lean my head against the guitar, and begin playing.