Chapter Eight
8
I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME when I saw him standing in the doorway. All I knew was that I didn’t want him in here, and I was willing to do anything to move this mountain of a man. I went at him full speed, and I flung myself onto his back. I expected him to stumble forward or take a steadying step, something, but he didn’t move. Not even a little bit. As for me, I felt like I’d run into a cement wall. I made an ‘oof’ sound when my stomach hit his back. My arms were wrapped around his neck, and my legs were locked around his waist. My weight wasn’t exerting him in the slightest. Seriously, shouldn’t his knees be buckling under the pressure? It infuriated me that he came in here without my permission. Not only did he break my brand new lock, but I was feeling so violated that I was on the verge of tears.
“Get out,” I tried growling in his ear, but it came out garbled and weak.
I saw him shaking his head back and forth. Not being able to see his face wasn’t doing anything for me, nor was clinging to him like a monkey. Releasing him, I slid down his back and moved to stand in front of him. Maybe I could try and block him from seeing more than he already had. Oh who was I kidding? Standing in front of him, he could easily see over the top of my head. I took in how rigid he was. Camden’s eyes roamed the nearly empty space. Not but a few seconds ago, he looked so pissed his veins were bulging from his neck, and his jaw was mashed together. Now his expression just looked… defeated. I didn’t understand it.
He swallowed, and I followed the movement of his Adam’s apple. “Why don’t you have furniture, Blue?” His voice was quiet.
“I just don’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t, okay?”
That was when he tore his eyes away from my room and looked at me. Like, really looked at me. I felt so small standing here with him towering over me and no means to defend myself. Not in a physical way but an emotional one. Those eyes held me in a way I’d never felt. He made me feel like I was falling into the depths of him, and as much as I tried to claw my way out, he wouldn’t release me. I brought my arms up to wrap around my middle. He followed my movement. It was as if I were exposed to the one person who I didn’t want to pass judgment on me. For whatever reason it mattered, coming from him, it mattered to me. In no way, shape, or form was I ready to analyze why. The way his eyes pierced mine, it was like he was seeing through me. It unnerved me.
He shook his head again. “No, it’s not okay.”
“I don’t understand why it matters?”
Camden reached up and ran a hand through his hair. “Because it does.”
Sometimes it was so exasperating to talk to him. He was always so short with me, and this was no different. I needed him to explain to me why he looked so upset. I wanted to know why he behaved the way that he did toward me, why he said what he did to Luke. Why he couldn’t just act the same way that his brother did. Speaking of which, where did Dodger go?
“That’s not a reason, Camden. I want to know why.”
Those deep russet eyes burned into mine. “Because you’re my roommate, and a chick, and you shouldn’t be in a room that’s bare.”
I shook my head angrily. Not far from stomping my foot at him I fumed, “No, not good enough. What’s the big deal if I don’t have these things? I don’t care that I’m a girl, or that I’m your roommate. I want to know why it matters to you?”
He took a step forward, so I took one back. When he saw I wouldn’t let him any closer he mumbled something under his breath, scrubbing his hand down his face.
“Hmmm? What’s that?” I pried.
Camden put his hands on his hips and glared at me. I knew whatever was coming was going to be a blow so I braced myself, straightening my back and standing tall. “You matter, okay? You f*cking matter. You’re more than just a chick, you’re more than a roommate. You’re kind, and you care about people. You have put up with my bullshit since the day you moved in here, and I’ve slung a lot of it. I keep waiting for you to break, and yet you don’t. You jut your little chin out and deal. So yeah, it f*cking matters to me that you are sleeping on a goddamn air mattress, and not the softest bed that money can buy. It pisses me right the f*ck off, Keegan. You deserve more.”
Holy…what? I was breathing hard and so was he. The intensity of his eyes deepened, and it was more than I could handle. I turned my face away and took a deep breath. Where did I begin processing all of that? I mattered to him? Since when? The man barely gave me the time of day, let alone acted like he cared. I figured I could get run over by a semi and he’d be the dude on the side of the road videotaping it instead of calling 911. That was how much stock I put into my relationship with Camden. Hearing him say I deserved more felt like my undoing. I began walking forward, when I felt him step up behind me. Shivers broke out over my skin at his nearness, and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. Block him out, Keegan. When his hand came up and rested on the spot between my shoulder and neck I jumped, my eyes flying open. His hard callused fingers brushed across the bare exposed skin. I knew he knew what he was doing. His touch was so gentle and unwelcome, yet I found my body leaning back into him for more.
“Don’t walk away from me, Blue.” He was speaking very subtly but firm.
“What am I supposed to do with that?” I continued to stare straight ahead at the white walls. “You’ve treated me a certain way since I have moved in here, and now you’re telling me that I matter? I don’t even know what to say to that.”
He leaned down so that his face was only inches away. I felt the heat of his breath blow across the shell of my ear. “This can’t stay this way. I won’t let it.”
What was he talking about? Was he referring to the room? “I don’t understand,” I responded in confusion.
He didn’t even reply. When my room remained quiet for a beat too long, I turned around, and he was gone. That was weird, I still felt him at my back. It was as if the sensation of him was seared into my skin, and the feel of him continued to linger. I sighed loudly. This was too much. All of it was too much. I had no desire to try and break down what just happened. But I knew someone who would. I needed to call my best friend and tell her that this was an emergency. I swear every hair on my body was still standing on end, and my heart had yet to settle down. Macie would know what was going on. She had to. She knew boy code. Was this Camden’s weird way of giving me an olive branch? I heard someone moving around downstairs, and I stiffened.
“Keeg?” Dodger yelled upstairs.
I visibly relaxed at his voice. Maybe he’d know what just happened. I stepped out of my room and up to the banister that overlooked the living room.
“Yeah?” I squeaked.
“Hey, I need to take off. Shit to do and all that.”
I swallowed, unsure how to ask. But mostly because I felt stupid talking to Camden’s brother about it. “Dodger, can you tell me why—”
Holding his hand up, his black hair moving back and forth, he said, “No. You’re doing this one on your own. Cam just left, and I’m not getting in the middle of it.”
My mouth dropped open. “But I just want to—”
He looked up at me with his piercing blue eyes, and firmly repeated, “I said no. I love you, but this is between you two.”
I tipped my head down in understanding. “K.” I stood there and watched him grab his keys and shut the front door behind him. My lower lip quivered, and I just wanted to crawl back in bed and pretend that everything that happened this morning would go away. Could I have a do over day, pretty please? Shaking myself out of my stupor, I went back to my room and phoned Macie. We set up a time to meet. She didn’t seem at all concerned when I gave her the condensed rundown. She simply said, “We’re skipping lunch and going straight to the chocolate cake.” I was cool with that. And frankly my thighs would appreciate a little loving at the moment.
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“What does it all mean?” I whined to Macie, who was sitting across from me. I’d just finished telling her every pitiful detail of what happened, from the moment I woke up until I turned around and Camden wasn’t standing behind me.
Using her fork, she pierced a piece of cake and brought it to her mouth. She shoved it in then shrugged. What in the hell? Why was she shrugging at me?
“Mace, I’m not kidding. I need help here. Why does Camden keep going from hot to cold?”
Licking her lips, she put her fork down. “Well first, why don’t you tell me about your date with Luke.”
I drew my brows together. “Luke? What does he have to do with any of this?”
Macie had a knowing look on her face, like she knew where she was going with it. “Just tell me about your date, and then we’ll tackle the other issue.”
I glanced down at the plate. My stomach was so tied up in knots that I hadn’t even taken a full bit of the little slice of heaven in front of me. “Well, we went on a picnic at the park then we played some Frisbee. He’s really good by the way. Before the game and during the game, things seemed to be heating up between us. Before I knew it, we were kissing, and I was asking him to come stay the night with me.”
“And did he?”
I rolled my eyes. “Duh, does he have a penis? A chick asks you to stay the night and you think he’d actually turn it down?”
She shrugged again. Grrr… I’ve about had it with her stupid shoulders. “You never know. I mean, what if he knew that she slept around and had a serious case of the Hot Crotch?” She picked up her fork again, reaching across the table and diving into my cake. After she took her bite, she pointed her silverware at me. “That, my friend, is nasty. I’m sure he would have said no to that.”
“Mace, I have no idea where you’re going with this, but eating chocolate cake like you are, and talking about Hot Crotch is seriously going to make me gag.” Not to mention it was making me itchy.
“Never mind. Tell me what happened next.”
I leaned back in the booth. “Well, we went back to the apartment, and we had sex.”
“Did you orgasm?”
“Of course I did.”
“No need to sound offended, Keeg, I’m just asking you questions.”
I crossed my arms over my chest protectively. “Yes, I had an orgasm.”
“Did you feel anything else?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, was there passion, steam, heat, hair pulling, spanking, dirty talk, any and all that good stuff that happens when you’re really into it.”
“Jesus, do you do all of that stuff?”
Macie stared at me like I’d grown a second head. “Don’t you?” I shook my head. “Holy shit, what am I going to do with you? So you simply had sex, and that was it?”
“It wasn’t just sex, Mace, it was sweet. He was sweet.”
Now she looked irritated at me. “This is what I’m getting at. You have no passion with Luke. He may heat you up, but he only keeps you warm. You want someone who will make you angry, fiery, passionate, and so desperate to have them that it makes your thighs shake.” She paused for a few brief moments. “Someone like Camden.”
I shot up in my seat. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Her little smirk stretched across her beautiful face and touched her eyes. “Yes you do. Camden makes you feel all of those things and more. You just finished telling me, not even ten minutes ago, that you were responding to him, and you didn’t know why. I bet if you sat back and listened to your body, it’d tell you that you crave your sexy roommate. You want him, Keegan. He may piss you off more than any other man that you’ve met, but that’s the kind of intensity that I’m talking about. Those kinds of relationships are the ones that are explosive in and out of the bedroom. I bet he could make you come just by telling you to do so.”
I squirmed in my seat, and she noticed. How embarrassing. I was sitting in the middle of a restaurant pressing my legs together because just the idea of Camden touching me the way that I had physically been craving made me wet. I felt my cheeks heat up, and Macie gave me a full blown smile.
“Okay, so I’m attracted to him. At the end of the day though, none of that matters. He’s been nothing but a dick to me, and I don’t know if I can forgive him for that.”
“Sure you can. After everything you told me, he seems to have a sweet spot for you. In fact, I know he does. I’ve done some digging with the little brother.”
I had a feeling I was going to need some cake for this. I spooned a bite and waited for her to tell me more.
“So Dodger and I have been getting pretty friendly.”
“I noticed,” I grumbled.
“Oh shut up, and be happy for me. Nothing is going to get weird, I promise. Anyway,” she emphasized, dropping the subject. “I’d already been noticing some subtle cues from Camden when he’s around you. He’d watch you when you weren’t looking, or I’d see him blowing off girls that came on to him. I decided to ask Dodger what was up with that. At first he didn’t want to say anything. Those boys are awfully tight lipped about everything. But me being me, all it took was a little coaxing, and he started talking.” She gave me a brilliant devilish smile. I couldn’t help the one that was spreading across my face. “Turns out Camden’s a pretty private person. He doesn’t date girls, and he never sleeps with them more than once. But when you told Dodge that Cam was bringing girls to the house, he apparently went and asked his brother about it. He accused him of trying to make you jealous. Cam, of course, told him he was ridiculous, but Dodger swears he’s never seen him behave the way that he does toward you. He says his brother has gone softer.”
“What does that mean, softer?” I questioned.
“I don’t know. But if I had to guess, I’d say that Camden’s walls are starting to come down, and he’s trying to figure out if you’ll let him in.”
I sat back again, completely confused and unable to respond. Did Camden like me? I wasn’t so sure. But I could tell a difference in how he was with me up in my room. His words were sincere. I mattered to him. Maybe he was ready to finally be friends. That had to be it. Maybe Camden had never been close with a girl before, been friends, because he’s never trusted them. I was feeling like I was onto something when Macie interrupted my thoughts.
“So what are you going to do about Luke?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, how are you going to let him down easy?”
I shook my head in confusion. “Let him down? I’m not walking away from Luke. He’s good to me, and we’ve already made plans for the Halloween party.”
She tilted her head. “But we’ve just established that you and Cam-″
“No, you’ve got a theory. I’m not walking away from something that could be the best thing that’s happened to me in years, Mace. I think Camden just wants a friendship with me. Luke doesn’t play games, and I enjoy being around him. I’m not walking away from that.”
“Even if the sex is mediocre?”
I scoffed. “Sex isn’t everything.”
The waitress had come by and given us our bill, and I pulled out a twenty to leave on the table.
“Oh young one, I have a lot to teach you.”
Standing up I grabbed my purse. “Alright Yoda, you can tell me all about it in the car. Let’s go before I order some ice cream to go with that cake you just hoovered.” We both laughed as we walked out of the restaurant.
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I’d kept myself busy by going to the mall and browsing around. Then I stopped by the house to visit with Sarah and my mom for a bit. When things had gotten too tense, and mom and I were on the verge of an argument, I’d gotten up and left. I’d been avoiding coming home for most of the day because I wasn’t ready to face Camden just yet. When I unlocked the door and started to push it open, I saw the light from the television glowing in the darkened space. As I came inside I set my keys down on the counter and slipped off my flats. My heart sped up when Camden came out of the downstairs bathroom, shutting off the light behind him.
“Hey, you’re home.” He greeted me with his usual deep voice.
“Yeah, I went to meet up with Macie and stopped at my mom’s for a bit. I’m pretty tired though, so I think I’m going to go crash.” I was covering my mouth to stifle a yawn.
He seemed to be watching my every move, and it was unnerving me. “Okay, have a good night.”
“Yeah, you too.” I paused for a second, trying to consider what that look on his face meant.
I was too tired for any more mind games, so I turned and trudged up the steps. When I got to my door, I stopped. The knob was different. There wasn’t a lock on the outside, and it looked like it had been changed out for this new one. Tentatively I grabbed the handle and twisted, pushing the door open and switching on the light on the wall. As soon as my space was illuminated I gasped.
What. The. Hell. Was. This?
My room wasn’t how I’d left it. Freshly painted walls invaded my senses, and I took in every inch that was now different. There was a soft yellow that now colored the walls. It brightened the space even more than plain white did. But I didn’t get a chance to enjoy it. My eyes landed on the other offending objects in the room. Up against the wall, where my air mattress used to be, now stood an espresso-colored sleigh bed with two matching night stands on either side. Their sleek glossy finish reflected the light from the ceiling fan. Directly across from the bed was a matching dresser. On the floor was a grey rug that looked so plush you’d lose sight of your toes if you stepped on it barefoot. What in the hell was all of this? I took a few steps into the room and slowly approached the bed. Running my fingers across the polished wood, it felt soft to the touch. I felt my blood boil more with every step I took. I tipped my head back and forth, popping the bones in my neck.
I couldn’t believe he did this. That was why he was looking at me so weird. This was my room, and Camden came in and completely invaded it. I plopped down on the bed and considered what I was going to do. It wasn’t that I didn’t love the furniture, it was that I didn’t ask for it. With every passing moment, my anger was turning to pure unadulterated rage. How dare he! I bet the bastard was sitting downstairs all smug thinking he’d helped the poor roommate that couldn’t afford anything. I couldn’t sit still. Standing up I began pacing. This was going too far. I could handle nice gestures, but coming into my room and giving me things that I didn’t ask for was taking it too far. I wanted it out. I wanted it all out.
Now!
Marching downstairs, I was a girl on a mission. When I reached the bottom step, Camden turned around to look at me. Sure enough, there was that smug, satisfied little grin. I bet he was expecting a thank you for his diluted sense of generosity. Oh boy, was he in for a treat. I smiled back at him, but I had a feeling it didn’t look quite right. I was certain I had a crazed look in my eyes, and at this point, I didn’t care. My crazy was about to be hanging out all over the place. Now where in the hell was it? My eyes drifted to the corner of the dining room. Up against the wall was a Louisville Slugger, just what I was looking for. I casually walked over to it and picked it up. I knew Camden’s eyes were tracking me. The grin on his mouth had slipped, and now he just looked confused. I held the bat in my hand, testing its weight and deciphering my next move.
“What are you doing?” Camden asked.
I looked up at him, sending daggers at him through my eyes. “Practicing my swing.”
His confusion deepened. When I saw his eyebrows raise, I knew realization hit him. “Now Keegan, don’t go doing something you’re going to regret.”
The laugh that came from my mouth was pure evil. It sounded bizarre, even to me. “Oh Camden, I’m not going to regret this. I’m going to enjoy it very much.” With that I turned on my heels and raced up the stairs. But not before I heard him say, “Shit,” and hurdle the couch coming after me.
I made it up to my room before he did. I took a brief moment to breathe in through my nose and back out through my mouth. I was centering myself for my grand swing. Standing before the beautiful bed he had no business buying me, I brought the bat up high and was about to bring it down as hard as I could, when it stopped mid-air. Twisting my head around, I locked eyes with wild deep brown ones.
“Don’t you dare,” he growled, inches from my face.