When the Heart Lies

Chapter 11





Holed up in the rundown motel room, listening to the air conditioner hum and the couple in the next room knock the headboard against the wall during their lunchtime romp, Jackson still couldn’t drown out the sound of Kinsley’s sobs. He sat staring intently at the audio equipment. Listening was an intrusion. Kinsley wasn’t some stranger, so he couldn’t easily distance himself from what he was hearing. It made him a little sick inside to imagine how she might feel knowing he was listening to her most private moments. Some things, like the interaction Kinsley and Max had earlier, should remain private. And a person should be able to cry knowing they can’t be heard. Unable to look at the equipment any longer, he bent over and clasped his hands together. Shaking his head toward the ceiling, he got up to get a beer and then returned to the backbreaking motel chair and sat, kicking one foot up onto the other. Before long, Scar showed up.

She raised her fist to knock, it hovered midair between them as he opened the door abruptly.

“Hey, C’mon in.” He returned to his seat, leaving her in the opened doorway. “There’s stuff in the fridge if you want something. They’re having dinner now. Not much is being said. From what I’ve seen of her, it’s hard to imagine she’d take all of his shit. I’m sure she only does for Max’s sake.” The whole situation left his body as hyperaware as his mind, an uneasy sensation he’d never had to endure. The case drained him and his ability to maintain balance. He wasn’t sleeping well, and every waking moment was filled with thoughts of Kinsley.

“I know. Odd. What else is going on today? What’d ya need me for?” She threw her purse down and hopped onto the bed. She appeared to be in a good mood.

“I wanted to ask if you would accidentally run into Kinsley at the café for me. Talk to her, and get an idea how she is. Try to get her to talk about what’s going on. Get any information you can. If she starts opening up, I’d specifically like to find out why she doesn’t call home if she’s unhappy. Shit, I know she’s unhappy. Anyone would be. Tell her she can call me if she needs anything.”

“She’s gonna ask me why I’m at the café. What should I say? I mean, I can’t think of any reason to be over near Orangevale.” It certainly was a good thing Scar wasn’t the detective in the family.

“Seriously? You can’t think of anything? You’re a photographer, for Christ’s sake. Tell her you’re shooting a bar mitzvah or something.” He flung his empty bottle into the trash harder than he should have and turned from her to the window.

A wounded expression blanketed her face. “Jeez, Jackson, what the hell is wrong with you? Lighten up.”

She leaned back onto the bed, propping herself up with her elbows. He’d blown her good mood and furthered his bad one. They sat for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry. I’m tired. I shouldn’t have taken things out on you.” He never did things like that unless something important bothered him, and this case bothered him. The vague answers from Xavier and Olivia bothered him most of all. “I think Olivia’s right. I need a break. What brought you here in such a good mood?”

She made some of those squeaky sounds, the ones you make when you’re trying to hold in the excitement. He was glad to see her good mood return so quickly. With her being bipolar, he was use to sudden changes. “Well—get ready for this. A gallery in New York wants to show some of my photos! Won’t be for a while though. They said they book artists in advance.” She bounced up and down on the bed. “Can you believe it? They called me an artist!” It’d been a dream of hers since she started taking pictures ten years ago.

He smiled deeply, the kind of smile that comes from being truly happy for someone. “That’s incredible Scar, and why wouldn’t they call you an artist? I can’t wait to go to New York and see your work hanging in a gallery.”

“They said they wanted to view my whole portfolio.”

“I like to see you happy.” He stood and stretched with a grunt. “C’mon, let’s go. Kinsley will be getting to the café soon.”

Jackson and Scar pulled up to the café. No sign of Kinsley, but this was around her usual time to arrive. It was seldom she didn’t show. There were more customers in and out than usual, considering it was a late Friday afternoon. Over two months had passed since she had been at Lakeside. She’d only been out of the house a few times. Once, when she’d just gotten back from Lakeside, she went to her friend’s house with Max. Other than that one visit, she only went to the café. Wayde dropped her off and picked her up. The decrease in activity was a change in her routine before Lakeside, and not a normal routine for anyone.

He looked over at Scar. “Do you have all your equipment?”

“You asked me that already. Don’t worry. I’m going to do the best I can.” She seemed a little jumpy, fiddling with her equipment. “And why would I carry all of my photography equipment into a café?”

“You’re coming from a shoot, where would your equipment be if you’re waiting for a ride home?”

She giggled. “Oops, sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

“I don’t know about this,” he said. “Do you think I should go in?”

She made one of her bizarre faces. “Jackson, if I go in and don’t get anything, then you can go in some other time. If you go in first, then I go in another time, it’s gonna seem like you sent me. Shit, she’ll think we’re stalking her.”

“Good point. I’m not thinking clearly.” The case was too personal now; he needed to put his affections for Kinsley aside. He noticed Wayde’s truck turn the corner and head toward the café. “Okay, they’re here. Once she goes in, we’ll wait about ten or fifteen minutes.”

~ ~ ~

When Wayde pulled up to the café, he gave Kinsley the same stern face he always gave her and the same lecture. She didn’t need to hear the words again. She could never bring herself to put Max in jeopardy, not again.

“You know what the routine is. Just remember, Jim’s watching. I’ll pick you up in two hours.”

“I need three.”

“Two’s plenty, besides, Jim leaves at five.”

“You know, when I came here I wasn’t planning on being held prisoner.” She was docile when she spoke, but still, the statement had strong impact.

He slammed his hand down onto the steering wheel. “Stop saying that shit.”

This might be her only chance to get Max out of the house. She had to do something; things just kept getting worse. “Should I call Nick? Maybe he should take Max. Things might be different between us if I didn’t have to worry about him.” She’d try to get Wayde to trust her somehow. Bucking him had been the wrong choice when she had come back from Lakeside. If she could get Max to Nick, she would worry about herself after.

“Now you’re making some sense, but what makes you think I believe you? Ya ain’t done nothing to prove anything to me.”

If she could only keep her mouth under control long enough, but she felt so back and forth. Sometimes she wanted to … she didn’t want to think about what she wanted to do. “So, can we can talk about calling Nick?” She tried to sound insecure and obedient when she asked.

He crooked his upper lip and kept looking through the windshield. “Yeah, we’ll talk later.”

First Max, then her. That would be the way out. She slipped out of the truck and into the café without a backward glance. The small establishment was warm and inviting, with dim lighting, upholstered armchairs and side tables. There were even some ottomans scattered here and there. It was probably the nicest place in town. To her, being there was almost as good as being in her favorite bookstore, sitting in the comfy chairs and reading the beginnings of all the bestsellers. She didn’t even mind the view from the window. Orangevale was a crappy little town, but the place had character. When she scanned the street, the scenes took her to a place and time she’d only experienced in movies and books. The women scolded their children as they walked along, the men smoked cigars in front of the drugstore, and the cars and pickups were generally rusty and old. Jim spotted her right away when she walked in.

“Hey, beautiful, the usual?” Jim wasn’t a bad guy. She didn’t mind him calling her beautiful. He was just being nice unlike most of the men around town. She wondered if he ever thought about why Wayde was so controlling. He didn’t seem like the type who’d want to put anyone in harm’s way.

“Hi, Jim. Yeah, the usual.”

She got her coffee and settled into a seat at her customary table, which always had a ‘Reserved’ sign on it. She’d never asked him to put one up. He started putting the sign on the table when he noticed she always chose the same place to sit. She settled in, opened her computer, and pushed reality away. As she began to brainstorm ways to get Max home and to get away from Wayde, she started to write. Writing was the one way she could work out any problem or, at least, think about it productively.

Jackson raised his binoculars and gave Scar the go-ahead. “Okay, go in now.”

Scar hopped from the truck, grabbed her gear, and headed into the café appearing confident. “Kinsley? Is that you?”

Kinsley turned, surprised and a little confused. “Scar, what are you doing here?” Seeing Scar brought a mixture of happiness and apprehension. Wayde never told her not to talk to anyone, but she had an inkling he wouldn’t like the idea. And now wasn’t the time to risk putting any kinks in her plans.

“I’ve been doing a photo shoot near here.” Scar didn’t wait for an invitation. She sat down across from her and put down her things. “I’m so glad I ran into you. Let me get my coffee, be right back.” Scar went, got her coffee, and scooted back into her seat.

It looked to her like Scar was going to stay a while. “Do you work in this area a lot?”

“No, I got the job through a friend. I’m doing it as a favor. How you been?”

“Okay.” The statement didn’t sound convincing. “I’ve been okay.” Frantic inside, she wanted to jump up, grab hold of Scar, and tell her Wayde was holding her mentally captive and threatening Max. She wanted to say she needed help, and she couldn’t go back, wanted to tell her to call Jackson and have him rescue them. She wanted to say all those things, but she didn’t dare. “How have you been? I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I’ve had a lot on my mind. I still have your number, though.”

“I’m good, too.” Scar looked like she didn’t believe a word she had said. She noticed Jim glancing over and decided the best thing to do was to act like Scar being there was nothing. Smiling, she waved him over. He hustled out from behind the counter smiling wide. “I want you to meet a friend of mine. Jim this is Scar. Scar, Jim. She’s been working in the neighborhood. It’s her first time here, so I thought I’d introduce you to her.”

He nodded and smiled. “Nice to meet you ma’am.”

His sweet manner when meeting Scar gave her the sense it might be okay to sit and talk with her for a while.

Scar raised her cup in recognition. “Nice place you have here. Good coffee.”

Jim smiled proudly. “Yeah well, the place is kind of my baby. I’m proud.”

As she watched the interaction between Scar and Jim, she became more relaxed. Jim wouldn’t go out of his way to cause her any trouble. At least she didn’t think so.

“Well, I’ll let you two chat, I need to get back to my customers. Again, nice meeting you, Scar.”

Scar lifted her arm, coffee cup in hand, giving him a friendly departing gesture and then turned back to Kinsley. The way Scar’s eyes scanned her, Kinsley instinctively looked around and over herself. Possibly, a button was undone, or she soiled herself in some way. There was nothing. She didn’t know what to do to get past the formalities. She wanted to talk to Scar as she’d done before, but she didn’t feel the freedom she felt at Lakeside. There was no reason for her to be uncomfortable talking to her. Scar wasn’t going to run to Wayde and tell him anything.

After a long pause in the conversation, Scar leaned in a little, whispering as if she were talking about an off-color subject. Her eyes widened as she spoke. “So, how are things going with the f*ck-tard boyfriend?”

Kinsley laughed. “Please don’t call him my boyfriend. He’s more like my arch nemesis.”

Scar shook her head smiling. “Why do you stay with him? The guy sounds like a rodent. Damn, this is good coffee.”

Why didn’t I have enough sense to turn around the moment I got here and get back on a plane to New York? “It’s complicated.” She looked down at her coffee wondering just how lame the words sounded. “I’ve decided to have Max go back to New York. I’ll probably go shortly after.” She didn’t like the sound of what she was saying. She saw Scar flinch, too.

“Are you going back to your husband?”

She didn’t remember saying anything to Scar about Nick. Jackson must have talked to her. It didn’t bother her, and it was nice to know he talked about her. Especially nice, since she rarely stopped thinking of him and spent far too much time escaping life with ‘castle in the air’ dreams. Dreams of an all-embracing lasting love. Unattainable dreams.

“I don’t mean to get in your business. I was just wondering.”

The last few years with Nick had seemed like such a struggle. She’d always care about him. She knew that. But life and Wayde changed her. “I’m not sure that’s an option. I’m not so sure continuing to pretend everything’s perfect with my family is the way to go. You know what I mean? Sometimes people leave so much unsaid in a marriage that those unsaid things become bigger than they are.”

“Yeah, but don’t you think if someone is your greatest love, your soul mate, you can get through anything?” Scar appeared enamored, hopeful.

She hoped her next statement wouldn’t cloud Scars optimism. “Soul mate? Nick’s not my soul mate. I thought he was, once. I was mistaken. Don’t get me wrong. He’s one of my great loves.” And he had been. She’d loved him. So much, it nearly killed her. She glanced away and tapped the table with her fingernails. “I think I missed the soul mate bus.”

“I guess I just assumed since you’re married and all. Sorry. You think you could love two people that much in one lifetime? I’ve never been in love. I kind of hope one special love is out there for me.”

Kinsley smiled and wished life was so simple. “Ideally, life should be like that, but sometimes timing is everything. Besides, why couldn’t you love more than one person? We love people in different ways, for different reasons. Right?”

Scar looked mischievous. “I’m not trying to play matchmaker here. Well, maybe I am, a little. Jackson likes you. I’ve seen him when he’s into someone, and that has only been...ah, let me see… never. He’s messed up over you.”

She was surprised to hear that. She figured with his good looks and charm, he kissed and had anyone he was attracted to. Kiss. The sensations of their encounter washed over her. She sighed. “Jackson… he is skillful.” When she recovered, she laughed at herself, realizing what she’d said. “Sorry, skillful was the first word that came to mind. Look, I think Jackson’s incredible, believe me, but like I said, timing is everything.”

“He’d love to hear from you.”

She bit her lower lip in contemplation and sighed again, this time not so happily. “Getting involved would be unfair to him right now, but who knows about the future. I like him and you a lot. We should stay in touch.” She meant it sincerely. The turn in the conversation was getting her down.

“Well, I should get going now. Jackson’s picking me up. Sure you don’t want to say hello? He would probably fall at my feet if I got you to do that.”

Her heart jumped a beat at the thought of seeing him. “I can’t.” She caught herself and noticed Scar’s quizzical eye. “I mean… I shouldn’t.”

“Well, I’m glad I ran into you. You have my number. Give me a call. Okay? And if you ever want Jackson’s number…” She shrugged, headed out, and waited in front for Jackson.

As soon as Scar left, Kinsley covertly kept a lookout for Jackson to pull up. When he did, he was already looking into the window. They locked eyes. There were no grins, no winks, only sadness. They continued to look at each other until Scar settled into her seat and put on her seat belt. He pulled off after blowing her a kiss from his hand. The image so vivid, the kiss so desired—she nearly lifted her hand to catch it. She felt like they were dragging her heart off with them. Why? I barely know him.

She sat for a while before going back to her writing.

~ ~ ~

Not wanting Scar to see his reaction to seeing Kinsley, Jackson kept his eyes straight ahead as he drove from the café. He should have gone in. When he saw her sitting there alone, watching for him, he knew he should have gone to her. Even now, he had an itch to turn back. But he knew better than to corner her. “So… how’d it go?”

“Awkward at first, she seemed hesitant about talking. I didn’t see anything physical to indicate trouble, and I came right out and asked her why she stayed. She said it was complicated.”

He continued to stare straight ahead. “She didn’t say why? Did she say anything else?”

“I asked her about Nick, if she was going back to him.” Scar waited for a response.

His gaze stayed forward. He didn’t answer back until he could no longer contain the breath he held and pushed it out to suck another in. “Yeah. And?”

“She said she was thinking of sending Max back.”

“Oh? Something must be wrong. She wouldn’t send Max back without being with him. I don’t think so anyway. I’m going to visit her friend, Veda, tomorrow. Maybe I can think of some way to pay Wayde a visit, too.” He was getting impatient and reminded himself to remain cautious. If he approached Wayde, he would need a good reason.

“We started talking about love, soul mates, and stuff.”

“Wow. All that over coffee?” He shook his head and chuckled. “And? What did she say?”

“She kinda started going around in circles. She said she didn’t think Nick was her soul mate. Then she said something that made me think she might be referring you.” She stopped and stared over at him.

He finally looked at her, breaking the monotone he’d been speaking in. “Well, hell Scar…are you going to tell me or not?”

“She said she thought she missed the soul mate bus.”

He turned away, staring out at the road again. A twinge of elation, then a quick deflation struck him. Xavier’s words echoed in his head. “A woman like Kinsley is easy to get attached to ... She’s family, Jackson.”

“Oh yeah, and she said you were…skillful.”

“Skillful?” He leaned in, and turned on the radio. Concealing a self-satisfied smile.

~ ~ ~

As Kinsley fixed dinner, the afternoon news hummed in the background amid Wayde’s moaning and grumbling to himself about the stories. She decided to talk to him again about calling Nick. Tonight, after Max went to bed would be a good time. She reminded herself to be on her best behavior until then. She needed to kid a kidder. Wayde always said she was a drama queen; now she’d find out if he was right.

Savannah, still in her bathrobe, shuffled into the kitchen smelling like a bar room and fruity perfume. Her face was smeared with make-up from the night before.

Kinsley figured she might as well raise the curtain and get the show started. “How’d you sleep? Are you going to eat some supper with us?”

Savannah’s upper lip pulled to the side as she looked at her with disdain; then she yawned, stretching her arms out toward the ceiling. “What are you so cheery about?”

Wayde came in and took his throne. She hoped he’d fallen for her lie about wanting Max to leave so they could become closer.

“Well, Wayde and I talked today. We’ve decided to try to work things out. Right, Wayde? Would either of you like some coffee?”

“Yeah,” they said in unison.

Wayde glared at her pensively, his eyes slithering up and down her body like a snake assessing danger. “Now, that’s what I like. Come over here, darlin’. Gimme a kiss.”

She went to the table and poured their coffee. As she did, he grabbed her around the waist, pulling her sideways into him.

“I told you to give me a kiss.”

Trying not to look into his eyes, she leaned over and gave him a kiss.

His hand clasped the back of her neck; she tried to pull away, but he kept her head close to his face. Unblinking, he searched her eyes. “You know better than to f*ck with me—doncha?”

She leaned down smiling, gave him a quick peck, and pictured herself giving her Oscar speech for the winning performance. As she turned to replace the coffee pot, he slapped her ass while making a hissing sound.

“That’s my girl.”

She ignored him and called to Max. “Time for supper.”

Fork fisted, Wayde pile drove into his mashed potatoes. Swallowing them down, he turned to Savannah. “Remy coming over tonight?”

“Said he was.”

~ ~ ~

When Nick pulled up to his parents’ house, he noticed Xavier’s car in the driveway. After a deep breath and a long exhalation, he parked and entered through the side door leading to the kitchen. Angela stood wiping the already clean granite in a circular motion. “Your father’s having lunch with us today. I think he wants to talk.”

After acknowledging her statement with a brief lift of his chin, he grabbed the sports section of the morning paper and gave her a kiss on her cheek. Angela had created a home that revolved around habit and formality, and he naturally went to sit in his unofficial, assigned seat.

Xavier clasped a hand on Nick’s shoulder as he entered the kitchen and sat in the seat next to him. “So, what brings you over today, Nick?” He poured himself some coffee from the carafe as he listened for a response.

Nick’s head remained behind the newspaper. “Visiting with mom. Good to catch you here, too.”

Angela entered with soup and sandwiches, served them, and then sat picking at her food as Xavier and Nick began eating and talking.

“Nick, I’m simply going to come out and ask,” Xavier said. “What’s going on in your head about Kinsley and Max?”

Nick became quiet and studied his food while he fingered the rim of this water glass. His relaxed disposition visibly changed as his lips bunched and pulled tensely. “I want Max home. Now.”

“Any thoughts on Kinsley?”

Angela began to answer for him. “I think he’s done talking. Enough about Kinsley.”

Xavier raised his hand for her to stop.

“I have a lot of thoughts about Kinsley, but I agree with Mom. I can’t keep waiting forever. Obviously, she doesn’t want to come back. Maybe taking Max will wake her up and get her back home where she belongs.” He dropped his head to the side, avoiding Xavier’s critical eye.

Xavier became quiet, stopped eating, and placed his napkin on the table.

Angela hurried to add in. “Your right, Ni …”

Xavier cast his eyes on her, effectively shutting her up. “Well, if that happens, it has to be handled delicately, and only if it’s in his best interest. I don’t think either of us wants Kinsley hurt.





If your reason for wanting him home is to bully her into coming back, it’s not in his best interest.”

Nick looked up from his food. “What about me? It’s okay if I’m hurt? She’s caused this, not me.”

Xavier laughed. “That’s a convenient way to look at it.”

They didn’t have much more to say to each other. They continued with their meal, focusing on business and social affairs. After a while, they finished up, and Xavier turned to Angela.

“Angela, thank you for lunch. Would you mind letting me speak to Nick alone for a moment?”

“Of course not.” She got up, cleared their plates, and hurried from the room.

“So Nick, how’s Mia been? Have you seen her lately?”

Nick looked up, not unlike a kid who had been caught stealing candy. “No, I haven’t. Not since dinner at the club. Why?” He’d never been a good liar.

“Just wondering.” Appearing disappointed, Xavier got up from the table to leave, but quickly turned back to Nick. “What the hell! Enough with the lies. What are you thinking? Mia’s a close family friend. Did Kinsley find out about this?”

“No.” He weakened under Xavier’s glare. “I don’t think so.”

Xavier turned his back to Nick and then turned back to face him again, lifting his hands questioningly into the air. “Do you love Kinsley?”

Nick’s brows scrunched with hostility. “Yes. She’s my wife, for Christ’s sake.”

“Then I suggest you start acting like a husband.”