He called Claire at 11:10. The phone rang six times, and he was ready to hang up, afraid he’d caught her asleep, when the receiver was lifted.
“Hello?” she said. Her voice was sleepy.
“Claire?”
“Yes, who’s this?”
“Did I wake you?”
“Yes.” There was a pause, and then her voice became a bit more lively. “Bert? Is that you?”
“Yes. Claire, I’m sorry I—”
“The last time I got stood up was when I was sixteen and had a—”
“Claire, I didn’t stand you up, honest. Some Homicide cops—”
“It felt like being stood up. I waited in the newspaper office until a quarter to eight, God knows why. Why didn’t you call?”
“They wouldn’t let me use the phone.” Kling paused. “Besides, I didn’t know how I could reach you.”
Claire was silent.
“Claire?”
“I’m here,” she said wearily.
“Can I see you tomorrow? We’ll spend the day together. I’m off tomorrow.”
Again, there was silence.
“Claire?”
“I heard you.”
“Well?”
“Bert, why don’t we call it quits, huh? Let’s consider what happened tonight an ill omen and just forget the whole thing, shall we?”
“No,” he said.
“Bert—”
“No! I’ll pick you up at noon, all right?”
Silence.
“Claire?”
“All right. Yes,” she said. “Noon.”
“I’ll explain then. I…I got into a little trouble.”
“All right.”
“Noon?”
“Yes.”
“Claire?”
“Yes?”
“Good night, Claire.”
“Good night, Bert.”
“I’m sorry I woke you.”
“That’s all right. I’d just dozed off, anyway.”
“Well…good night, Claire.”
“Good night, Bert.”
He wanted to say more, but he heard the click of the receiver being replaced in the cradle. He sighed, left the phone booth, and ordered a steak with mushrooms, french-fried onions, two baked potatoes, a huge salad with Roquefort dressing, and a glass of milk. He finished off the meal with three more glasses of milk and a slab of chocolate cream pie.
On the way out of the restaurant, he bought a candy bar.
Then he went home to sleep.
A common and much believed fallacy in popular literature is the one that links romantic waiters with starry-eyed couples who are obviously in love. The waiter hovers over the table, suggesting special dishes (“Per’aps the pheasant under ground glass for ze lady, yas?”), kissing his fingers, or wringing his hands against his chest while his heart bursts with romance.
Bert Kling had been in a good many restaurants in the city, as boy and man, with a good many young ladies ranging from the plain to the beautiful. He had come to the conclusion a long while back that most waiters in most restaurants had nothing more romantic on their minds than an order of scrambled eggs with lox.
He did not for a moment believe that he and Claire looked starry-eyed with love, but they were without doubt a nice-enough-looking couple, and they were in a fashionable restaurant that overlooked the River Harb, high atop one of the city’s better-known hotels. And, even discounting the absence of the starry-eyed (which he was fast coming to believe were nothing more than a Jon Whitcomb creation—ah, once a man begins to doubt…), he felt that any waiter with more than a stone for a heart should have recognized and aided the fumbling and primitive ritual of two people who were trying to get to know each other.
The day, by any standards, had not been what Kling would have called a rousing success.
He had planned on a picnic in Bethtown, with its attendant ferry ride from Isola across the river. Rain had destroyed that silly notion.
He had drippingly called for Claire at twelve on the dot. The rain had given her a “horrible headache.” Would he mind if they stayed indoors for a little while, just until the Empirin took hold?
Kling did not mind.
Claire had put some good records into the record player and then had lapsed into a heavy silence, which he attributed to the throbbing headache. The rain had oozed against the windowpanes, streaking the city outside. The music had oozed from the record player—Bach’s Brandenburg Concerto No. 5 in D, Strauss’s Don Quixote, Franck’s Psyche.
Kling almost fell asleep.
They left the apartment at 2:00. The rain had let up somewhat, but it had put a knife-edge on the air, and they sloshed along in a sullen, uncommunicative silence, hating the rain with common enmity, but somehow having allowed the rain to build a solid wedge between them. When Kling suggested a movie, Claire accepted the offer eagerly.
The movie was terrible.
The feature was called Apache Undoing, or some such damn thing, and it starred hordes of painted Hollywood extras who screeched and whooped down upon a small band of blue-clothed soldiers. The handful of soldiers fought off the wily Apaches until almost the end of the movie. By this time, the hordes flung against the small, tired band must have numbered in the tens of thousands. With five minutes to go in the film, another small handful of soldiers arrived, leaving Kling with the distinct impression that the war would go on for another two hours in a subsequent film to be titled Son of Apache Undoing.
The second film on the bill was about a little girl whose mother and father are getting divorced. The little girl goes with them to Reno—Dad conveniently has business there at the same time Mom must establish residence—and through an unvarying progression of mincing postures and bright-eyed, smirking little-girl facial expressions, convinces Mom and Dad to stay together eternally and live in connubial bliss with their mincing, bright-eyed, smirking little smart-aleck daughter.
They left the theater bleary-eyed. It was 6:00.
Kling suggested a drink and dinner. Claire, probably in self-defense, agreed that a drink and dinner would be just dandy along about now.
And so they sat in the restaurant high atop one of the city’s better-known hotels, and they looked through the huge windows that faced the river; across the river there was a sign.
The sign first said: SPRY.
Then it said: SPRY FOR FRYING.
Then it said: SPRY FOR BAKING.
Then it said, again: SPRY.
“What’ll you drink?” Kling asked.
“A whiskey sour, I think,” Claire said.
“No cognac?”
“Later maybe.”
The waiter came over to the table. He looked as romantic as Adolf Hitler.
“Something to drink, sir?” he asked. “A whiskey sour and a martini.” “Lemon peel, sir?” “Olive,” Kling said.
“Thank you, sir. Would you care to see a menu now?” “We’ll wait until after we’ve had our drinks, thank you. All right, Claire?”
“Yes, fine,” she said.
They sat in silence. Kling looked through the windows.
SPRY FOR FRYING.
“Claire?”
“Yes?”
SPRY FOR BAKING.
“It’s been a bust, hasn’t it?”
“Please, Bert.”
“The rain…and that lousy movie. I didn’t want it to be this way. I wanted—”
“I knew this would happen, Bert. I tried to tell you, didn’t I? Didn’t I try to warn you off? Didn’t I tell you I was the dullest girl in the world? Why did you insist, Bert? Now you make me feel like a…like a…”
“I don’t want you to feel any way,” he said. “I was only going to suggest that we…we start afresh. From now. Forgetting everything that’s…that’s happened.”
“Oh, what’s the use?” Claire said.
The waiter came with their drinks. “Whiskey sour for the lady?” he asked.
“Yes.”
He put the drinks on the table. Kling lifted the martini glass.
“To a new beginning,” he said.
“If you want to waste a drink,” she answered, and she drank.
“About last night—” he started.
“I thought this was to be a new beginning.”
“I wanted to explain. I got picked up by two Homicide cops and taken to their lieutenant who warned me to keep away from the Jeannie Paige potato.”
“Are you going to?”
“Yes, of course.” He paused. “I’m curious, I admit, but—”
“I understand.”
“Claire,” he said evenly, “what the hell’s the matter with you?”
“Nothing.”
“Where do you go when you retreat?”
“What?”
“Where do you—”
“I didn’t think it showed. I’m sorry.”
“It shows,” Kling said. “Who was he?”
Claire looked up sharply. “You’re a better detective than I realized.”
“It doesn’t take much detection,” he said. There was a sad undertone to his voice now, as if her confirmation of his suspicions had suddenly taken all the fight out of him. “I don’t mind you carrying a torch. Lots of girls—”
“It’s not that,” she interrupted.
“Lots of girls do,” he continued. “A guy drops them cold, or else it just peters out the way romances sometimes—”
“It’s not that!” she said sharply, and when he looked across the table at her, her eyes were filmed with tears.
“Hey, listen, I—”
“Please, Bert, I don’t want to—”
“But you said it was a guy. You said—”
“All right,” she answered. “All right, Bert.” She bit down on her lip. “All right, there was a guy. And I was crazy in love with him. I was seventeen—just like Jeannie Paige—and he was nineteen.”
Kling waited. Claire lifted her drink and drained the glass. She swallowed hard and then sighed, and Kling watched her, waiting.
“I met him at Club Tempo. We hit it off right away. Do you know how such things happen, Bert? It happened that way with us. We made a lot of plans, big plans. We were young, and we were strong, and we were in love.”
“I…I don’t understand,” he said.
“He was killed in Korea.”
Across the river, the sign blared, SPRY FOR FRYING.
The table was very silent. Claire stared at the tablecloth. Kling folded his hands nervously.
“So don’t ask me why I go down to Tempo and make a fool of myself with kids like Hud and Tommy. I’m looking for him all over again, Bert, can’t you see that? I’m looking for his face, and his youth, and—”
Cruelly, Bert Kling said, “You won’t find him.”
“I—”
“You won’t find him. You’re a fool for trying. He’s dead and buried. He’s—”
“I don’t want to listen to you,” Claire said. “Take me home, please.”
“No,” he said. “He’s dead and buried, and you’re burying yourself alive; you’re making a martyr of yourself; you’re wearing a widow’s weeds at twenty! What the hell’s the matter with you? Don’t you know that people die every day? Don’t you know?”
“Shut up!” she said.
“Don’t you know you’re killing yourself? Over a kid’s puppy love, over a—”
“Shut up!” she said again, and this time her voice was on the edge of hysteria, and some of the diners around them turned at her outburst.
“Okay!” Kling said tightly. “Okay, bury yourself! Bury your beauty, and try to hide your sparkle! Wear black every day of the week for all I give a damn! But I think you’re a phony! I think you’re a fourteen-carat phony!” He paused and then said angrily, “Let’s get the hell out of this goldfish bowl!”
He started to rise, signaling for the waiter at the same time. Claire sat motionless opposite him. And then, quite suddenly, she began to cry. The tears started slowly at first, forcing their way past clenched eyelids, trickling silently down her cheeks. And then her shoulders began to heave, and she sat as still as a stone, her hands clasped in her lap, her shoulders heaving, sobbing silently while the tears coursed down her face. He had never seen such honest misery before. He turned his face away. He did not want to watch her.
“You are ready to order, sir?” the waiter asked, sidling up to the table.
“Two more of the same,” Bert said. The waiter started off, and he caught at his arm. “No. Change the whiskey sour to a double shot of Canadian Club.”
“Yes, sir,” the waiter said, padding off.
“I don’t want another drink,” Claire muttered.
“You’ll have one.”
“I don’t want one.” She erupted into tears again, and this time Kling watched her. She sobbed steadily for several moments, and then the tears stopped as suddenly as they had begun, leaving her face looking as clean as a city street does after a sudden summer storm.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“Don’t be.”
“I should have cried a long time ago.”
“Yes.”
The waiter brought the drinks.
Kling lifted his glass. To a new beginning,” he said.
Claire studied him. It took her a long while to reach for the double hooker before her. Finally, her hand closed around the glass. She lifted it and touched the rim to Kling’s glass. To a new beginning,” she said. She threw off the shot quickly.
“That’s strong,” she said.
“It’ll do you good.”
“Yes. I’m sorry, Bert. I shouldn’t have burdened you with my troubles.”
“Offhand, can you think of anyone who’d accept them so readily?”
“No,” she said immediately. She smiled tiredly.
“That’s better.”
She looked across at him as if she were seeing him for the first time. The tears had put a sparkle into her eyes. “It…it may take time, Bert,” she said. Her voice came from a long way off.
“I’ve got all the time in the world,” he said. And then, almost afraid she would laugh at him, he added, “All I’ve been doing is killing time, Claire, waiting for you to come along.”
She seemed ready to cry again. He reached across the table and covered her hand with his.
“You’re…you’re very good, Bert,” she said, her voice growing thin, the way a voice does before it collapses into tears. “You’re good, and kind, and gentle, and you’re quite beautiful, do you know that? I…I think you’re very beautiful.”
“You should see me when my hair is combed,” he said, smiling, squeezing her hand.
“I’m not joking,” she said. “You always think I’m joking, and you really shouldn’t because I’m…I’m a serious girl.”
“I know.”
“So—”
He shifted his position abruptly, grimacing.
“Is something wrong?” she asked, suddenly concerned.
“No. This goddamn pistol” He shifted again.
“Pistol?”
“Yes. In my back pocket. We have to carry them, you know. Even off duty.”
“Not really? A gun? You have a gun in your pocket?”
“Sure.”
She leaned closer to him. Her eyes were clear now, as if they had never known tears or sadness. They sparkled with interest. “May I see it?”
“Sure.” He reached down, unbuttoned his jacket, and then pulled the gun with its leather holster from his hip pocket. He put it on the table. “Don’t touch it, or it’ll go off in your face.”
“It looks menacing.”
“It is menacing. I’m the deadliest shot in the 87th Precinct.”
“Are you really?”
“‘Kling the King,’ they call me.”
She laughed suddenly.
“I can shoot any damn elephant in the world at a distance of three feet,” Kling expanded.
Her laugh grew. He watched her laughing. She seemed unaware of the transformation.
“Do you know what I feel like doing?” he said.
“What?”
“I feel like taking this gun and shooting out that goddamned Spry sign across the river.”
“Bert,” she said, “Bert,” and she put her other hand over his so that three hands formed a pyramid on the table. Her face grew very serious. “Thank you, Bert. Thank you so very, very much.”
He didn’t know what to say. He felt embarrassed and stupid and happy and very big. He felt about eighty feet tall.
“What…what are you doing tomorrow?” he asked.
“Nothing. What are you doing tomorrow?”
“I’m calling Molly Bell to explain why I can’t snoop around anymore. And then I’m stopping by at your place, and we’re going on a picnic. If the sun is shining.”
“The sun’ll be shining, Bert.”
“I know it will,” he said.
She leaned forward suddenly and kissed him, a quick, sudden kiss that fleetingly touched his mouth and then was gone. She sat back again, seeming very unsure of herself, seeming like a frightened little girl at her first party. “You…you must be patient,” she said.
“I will,” he promised.
The waiter suddenly appeared. The waiter was smiling. He coughed discreetly. Kling watched him in amazement.
“I thought,” the waiter said gently, “perhaps a little candlelight at the table, sir? The lady will look even more lovely by candlelight.”
“The lady looks lovely just as she is,” Kling said.
The waiter seemed disappointed. “But…”
“But the candlelight, certainly,” Kling said. “By all means, the candlelight.”
The waiter beamed. “Ah, yes, sir. Yes, sir. And then we will order, yes? I have some suggestions, sir, whenever you’re ready.” He paused, his smile lighting his face. “It’s a beautiful night, sir, isn’t it?”
“It’s a wonderful night,” Claire answered.
Sometimes they crack open like litchi nuts.
You struggle with something that seems to be a Brazil nut, poking at the diamond-hard exterior, yearning to get at the meat, and suddenly, it’s a litchi nut with a fragile, paper-thin skin, and it bursts open under the slightest pressure of your fingers.
It happened that way with Willis and Havilland.
The Three Aces that Sunday afternoon, September 24, had barely begun picking up business after its late opening. There were a few drinkers at the bar, but the tables were empty, and both the snooker table and the bowling pinball machine were empty of players. The bar was a rundown joint with three playing cards painted on the mirror: the ace of clubs, the ace of hearts, and the ace of spades. The fourth ace was nowhere visible. Judging from the looks of the bartender, it was probably up his sleeve, together with a fifth ace.
Willis and Havilland took stools at the end of the bar. The bartender lingered with the drinkers at the opposite end of the bar for a few minutes, then slouchingly pulled himself away from the conversation, walked to Willis and Havilland, and said, “Yep?”
Havilland threw the match folder onto the bar. “This yours?”
The bartender studied it at great length. The identical three aces on the mirror fronted the match folder. The name Three Aces was plastered on the cardboard in red letters a half inch high. The bartender nonetheless took his time.
At last, he said, “Yep.”
“How long have you been stocking them?” Willis asked.
“Why?”
“We’re police officers,” Havilland said wearily. He reached into his pocket for his shield.
“Save it,” the bartender said. “I can smell law at sixty paces.”
“Is that how you got your nose broken?” Havilland asked, clenching his fists on the bar top.
The bartender touched his nose. “I used to box,” he said. “What’s with the matches?”
“How long have you stocked them?”
“About three months. It was a big bargain. There’s this kid in the neighborhood, sells Christmas cards and like that. Came around saying the matches would give the joint a little class. So I tumbled. Ordered a couple gross.” The bartender shrugged. “Didn’t do no harm, as I can see. What’s the beef?”
“No beef,” Willis said. “Routine check.”
“On what? Matchbooks?”
“Yeah,” Havilland said. “On matchbooks. Do you sell cigarettes?”
“Only in the machine.” The bartender indicated the vending apparatus in the corner near the door.
“You stock these matches in the machine?”
“No. We keep ‘em on the bar in a small box. Anybody runs out of matches, he comes up and grabs himself a book. Why? What’s so important with the matches?”
“We’ll ask the questions,” Havilland said.
“I’m only trying to help, Officer,” the bartender said. His voice conveyed the distinct impression that he would have liked nothing better than to punch Havilland in the mouth.
“Then anyone who drinks here can walk up to the bar and help himself to the matches, right?” Willis asked.
“Yep,” the bartender said. “Makes it homely, don’t you think?”
“Mister,” Havilland said evenly, “you better wipe that wise-guy smirk off your voice, or something’s gonna make you homely.”
“Cops have always scared me,” the bartender said dryly, “ever since I was a wee babe.”
“If you’re looking for a fight, pal,” Havilland said, “you picked the right cop.”
“I’m looking to mind my own business,” the bartender said.
“I’d hate like hell to have a judge decide on whose word to take in a ‘resisting an officer’ case,” Havilland persisted.
“I ain’t fighting, and I ain’t resisting nothing,” the bartender replied. “So cool off. You want a beer?”
“I’ll have a scotch,” Havilland said.
“That figures,” the bartender drawled. “How about you?” he asked Willis.
“Nothing,” Willis said.
“Come on,” the bartender egged. “It’s just like grabbing an apple from the pushcart.”
“When you’re ready for that fight,” Willis said, “you’ve got two of us now.”
“Whenever I fought, I got paid for it,” the bartender said. “I don’t believe in exhibition bouts.”
“Especially when you know your face’ll be spread over six counties,” Havilland said.
“Sure,” the bartender said. He poured a hooker of scotch and then slid the glass to Havilland.
“You know most of your customers?” Willis asked.
“The steadies, sure.”
The door opened, and a woman in a faded green sweater walked into the bar, looked around, and then sat at a table near the door. The bartender glanced at her.
“She’s a lush,” he said. “She’ll sit there until somebody offers to buy her a drink. I’d kick her out, but I feel Christian on Sunday.”
“It shows all over you,” Havilland said.
“What is it you guys want, anyway?” the bartender asked. “The fight? Is that what this is all about?”
“What fight?” Willis asked.
“We had a rhubarb here week or so ago. Listen, don’t snow me. What have you got up your sleeve? Disorderly conduct? You figure on yanking my license?”
“You’re doing all the talking so far,” Willis said.
The bartender sighed wearily. “All right, what’ll it cost?”
“Oh, this man lives dangerously,” Havilland said. “Are you attempting to bribe us?”
“I was talking about the price of the new Lincoln Continental,” the bartender said. “I asked what it’ll cost.” He paused. “A hundred, two hundred? How much?”
“Do I look like a two-hundred-dollar cop?” Havilland asked.
“I’m a two-hundred-dollar bartender,” the bartender said. “That’s the limit. The goddamn fight was over in about two seconds flat.”
“What kind of a fight?” Willis asked.
“You mean, you didn’t know?”
“Put your money back in your sock,” Willis said. “This isn’t a shakedown. Tell us about the fight.”
The bartender seemed relieved. “You sure you don’t want a drink, Officer?” he asked.
“The fight,” Willis said.
“It was nothing,” the bartender said. “Couple of guys got hot-headed, and wham! One took a swing at the other, the other swung back, and I came over and busted it up. That’s all.”
“Who swung at who?” Willis asked.
“These two characters. What the hell’s the name of the little guy? I don’t remember. The bigger guy is called Jack. He comes in here a lot.”
“Jack, huh?”
“Yeah. Nice guy, except he’s a little weird. So him and this little guy were watching the rassling on TV, and I guess Jack said something the little guy didn’t like—about one of the rasslers, you know? So the little guy hauls off and pops Jack. So Jack takes a swing at the little guy, and that’s when I came over. Big fight, huh?”
“And you broke it up?”
“Sure. I tell you, the funny thing about this whole business was that the little guy come out of it better than Jack.” The bartender chuckled. “He really gave him a shot, I swear. You wouldn’t think a little guy could pack such a wallop.”
“I’ll bet Jack was surprised,” Willis said, losing interest.
“Surprised? I’ll say he was. Especially when he took a gander in the mirror. That little son of a bitch gave him a shiner like I never saw in my life.”
“Too bad for Jack,” Willis said. “About your other customers. Have you ever heard any of them talking about—”
“Boy, that shiner was a beaut! Hell, Jack had to wear sunglasses for about a week afterward.”
The lush sitting at the table near the door coughed. Willis kept staring at the bartender.
“What did you say?” he asked.
“Jack,” the bartender said, “had to wear these sunglasses. To hide the shiner, you know. It was a beautiful shiner. I mean it. Like a rainbow.”
“This Jack,” Willis said. He could feel the tenseness of Havilland alongside him. “Does he smoke?”
“Jack? Yeah, sure. He smokes.”
“What brand?”
“Brand? You must think I’m a…Wait a minute, the red package. What’s the red package?”
“Pall Mall?”
“Yep. That’s his brand.”
“You’re sure?”
“I think so. Listen, I don’t go around taking a picture of what he smokes. I think it’s Pall Mall. Why?”
“You’re sure his name is Jack?” Havilland asked. “It isn’t something else?”
“Jack,” the bartender said, nodding.
“Think. Are you sure his name is Jack?”
“I’m positive. Listen, don’t I know him? For God’s sake, he’s been coming in here for years. Don’t you think I know Jack Clifford?”