The Broom of the System

4
1972
TRANSCRIPT OF MEETING BETWEEN THE HONORABLE RAYMOND ZUSATZ, GOVERNOR OF THE STATE OF OHIO; MR. JOSEPH LUNGBERG, GUBERNATORIAL AIDE; MR. NEIL OBSTAT, GUBERNATORIAL AIDE; AND MR. ED ROY YANCEY, VICE PRESIDENT, INDUSTRIAL DESERT DESIGN, INCORPORATED, DALLAS, TEXAS; 21 JUNE 1972.

OVERNOR: Gentlemen, something is not right.
MR. OBSTAT: What do you mean, Chief?
GOVERNOR: With the state, Neil. Something is not right with our state. MR. LUNGBERG: But Chief, unemployment is low, inflation is low, taxes haven’t been raised in two years, pollution is way down except for Cleveland and who the hell cares about Cleveland—just kidding, Neil—but Chief, the people love you, you’re unprecedentedly ahead in the polls, industrial investment and development in the state are at an all-time high....
GOVERNOR: Stop right there. There you go.
MR. OBSTAT: Can you expand on that, Chief?
GOVERNOR: Things are just too good, somehow. I suspect a trap.
MR. LUNGBERG: A trap?
GOVERNOR: Guys, the state is getting soft. I can feel softness out there. It’s getting to be one big suburb and industrial park and mall. Too much development. People are getting complacent. They’re forgetting the way this state was historically hewn out of the wilderness. There’s no more hewing.
MR. OBSTAT: You’ve got a point there, Chief.
GOVERNOR: We need a wasteland.
MR. LUNGBERG and MR. OBSTAT: A wasteland?
GOVERNOR: Gentlemen, we need a desert.
MR. LUNGBERG and MR. OBSTAT: A desert?
GOVERNOR: Gentlemen, a desert. A point of savage reference for the good people of Ohio. A place to fear and love. A blasted region. Something to remind us of what we hewed out of. A place without malls. An Other for Ohio’s Self. Cacti and scorpions and the sun beating down. Desolation. A place for people to wander alone. To reflect. Away from everything. Gentlemen, a desert.
MR. OBSTAT: Just a super idea, Chief.
GOVERNOR: Thanks, Neil. Gentlemen may I present Mr. Ed Roy Yancey, of Industrial Desert Design, Dallas. They did Kuwait.
MR. LUNGBERG: Hey, there’s apparently a lot of desert in Kuwait. MR. YANCEY: You bet, Joe, and we believe we can provide you folks with a really first-rate desert right here in Ohio.
MR. OBSTAT: What about the cost?
GOVERNOR: Manageable.
MR. LUNGBERG: Where would it be?
MR. YANCEY: Well gentlemen, the Governor and I have conferred, and if I could just direct your attention to this map, here ...
MR. OBSTAT: That’s Ohio, all right.
MR. YANCEY: The spot we have in mind is in the south of your great state. Right about ... here. Actually here to here. Hundred square miles.
MR. OBSTAT: Around Caldwell?
MR. YANCEY: Yup.
MR. LUNGBERG: Don’t quite a few people live around there? GOVERNOR: Relocation. Eminent domain. A desert respects no man. Fits with the whole concept.
MR. LUNGBERG: Isn’t that also pretty near Wayne National Forest? GOVERNOR: Not anymore. (Mr. Lungberg whistles. )
MR. OBSTAT: Hey, my mother lives right near Caldwell.
GOVERNOR: Hits home, eh Neil? Part of the whole concept. Concept has to hit home. Hewing is violence, Neil. We’re going to hew a wilderness out of the soft underbelly of this state. It’s going to hit home.
MR. LUNGBERG: You’re really sold on this, aren’t you, Chief?
GOVERNOR: Joe, I’ve never been more sold on anything. It’s what this state needs. I can feel it.
MR. OBSTAT: You’ll go down in history, Chief. You’ll be immortal.
GOVERNOR: Thanks, Neil. I just feel it’s right, and after conferring with Mr. Yancey, I’m just sold. A hundred miles of blinding white sandy nothingness. ‘Course there’ll be some fishing lakes, at the edges, for people to fish in ...
MR. LUNGBERG: Why white sand, Chief? Why not, say, black sand?
GOVERNOR: Go with that, Joe.
MR. LUNGBERG: Well, really, if the whole idea is supposed to be contrast, otherness, blastedness, should I say sinistemess? Sinistemess is the sense I get.
GOVERNOR: Sinisterness fits, that’s good.
MR. LUNGBERG: Well, Ohio is a pretty white state: the roads are white, the people tend to be on the whole white, the sun’s pretty bright here.... What better contrast than a hundred miles of black sand? Talk about sinister. And the black would soak up the heat a lot better, too. Be really hot, enhance the blastedness aspect.
GOVERNOR: I like it. Ed Roy, what do you think? Can cacti and scorpions live in black sand?
MR. YANCEY: No problem I can see.
MR. OBSTAT: What about the cost of black sand?
MR. YANCEY: A little more expensive, probably. I’d have to talk to the boys in Sand. But I feel I can commit now to saying it’d be manageable in the context of the whole project.
GOVERNOR: Done.
MR. LUNGBERG: When do we start?
GOVERNOR: Immediately, Joe. Hewing is by nature a fast, violent thing. MR. OBSTAT: Chief, just let me say I’m excited. You have my congratulations, man to man and citizen to Governor.
GOVERNOR: Thanks, Neil. You better go call your Mom, big fella. MR. OBSTAT: Right.
MR. LUNGBERG: What about a name, Chief?
GOVERNOR: A name? That’s a typically excellent point, Joe. I never thought of the name issue.
MR. LUNGBERG: May I make a suggestion?
GOVERNOR: Go.
MR. LUNGBERG: The Great Ohio Desert.
GOVERNOR: The Great Ohio Desert.
MR. LUNGBERG: Yes.
GOVERNOR: Joe, a super name. I take my hat off to you. You’ve done it again. Great. It spells size, desolation, grandeur, and it says it’s in Ohio.
MR. LUNGBERG: Not too presumptuous?
GOVERNOR: Not at all. Fits the concept to a T.
MR. OBSTAT: I take my hat off to you too, Joe.
MR. YANCEY: Damn fine name, Joe.
GOVERNOR: So we’re all set. Concept. Desert. Color. Name. All that’s left is the hewing.
MR. YANCEY: Well let’s get down to it, then.