Shame on You

“Fine. Buzzkill. Steven Lawson changed his name after he got out of juvie. He now goes by the name Sven Mendleson.”


My mouth drops open and my arm automatically reaches out and punches Ted in the arm. “Shut the fuck up. Are you serious?”

“Owww,” Ted complains as he rubs the spot on his arm. “Serious as a heart attack, dude.”

“I’m confused. Who the hell is Sven Mendleson?” Bobby asks as he takes the paper out of my hands and reads through it again.

“I asked Ward about Sven. He’s some annoying guy who does shit to Kennedy’s hair and wouldn’t shut up about the fact that when McFadden showed up at his salon, he put his life on the line trying to apprehend him,” Ted explains with a roll of his eyes. “Ward’s pissed now that he knows Steven and Sven are the same person.”

“That rat bastard. He let McFadden get away on purpose. I’m going to kick his ass.”

“Slow down there, rough rider. If Sven Mendleson is Steven Lawson, you need to tread lightly. This guy isn’t someone you mess with. He’s kind of a big deal in the pot world,” Ted warns.

“Seriously? You have got to be kidding me. There is no way that little asshole with the fake accent is a big deal in anything. He’s probably been hiding McFadden all this time. Son of a bitch, I’m going to kill him!”

I start pacing back and forth in the small booth with thoughts of homicide by hair dye swirling through my brain.

“I’m telling you, Kennedy, do NOT go into this alone. Now that the police are aware of the connection between Sven and Steven, they are taking control. You agree to let the police handle this or I go to Griffin and make him hold you hostage until it’s settled. I only gave you this information so that you’d stop with all the wild-goose chases,” Ted warns me.

“Kennedy might actually like being held hostage by Griffin,” Bobby says with a laugh, which earns him his very own punch in the arm.

“So what’s the deal with Griffin? Are you guys dating or what?” Ted presses the button to bring the paper target forward. “And more importantly, are you going to be charging him by the hour or by the orgasm?”

They both start laughing like idiots and I cross my arms in front of me and glare at them.

“No! We are not dating, nor will we EVER be dating.”

Ted unhooks the target from the clips and sets it aside before attaching a new, clean one and hitting the button to send it back.

“What’s your problem with him? He’s a good guy and he roots for Notre Dame. What more could you ask for?” Buddy demands.

“He kind of told me he’s had a thing for me for eighteen years. Which I know is a total lie and he just did that to throw me off so he could get to McFadden first,” I complain.

Both of the boys are silent for so long after I say this that an uneasy feeling creeps over me. They are never this quiet. Ever.

“What?” I ask, looking back and forth between them.

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” Ted says as he picks up the pistol and busies himself loading it.

I walk up and snatch the gun out of his hand and smack it back down on the ledge.

“Speak.”

“Ruff!” Bobby pipes up from behind me.

Without taking my eyes off Ted, I reach back and smack Bobby in the stomach, feeling satisfied when he lets out a painful oof.

Ted has always been the easiest one to break. Even when we were little and he was eight and I was four. All I had to do was glare at him and he would sing like a canary. Narrowing my eyes and putting my hands on my hips, it only takes a few seconds before Ted bursts.

“I don’t understand how in all these years you never noticed that he TOTALLY has a thing for you. He’s been in love with you since high school and only joined the army because you did and he wanted to make sure you were safe and then made sure to live close enough to you to keep an eye on you. Haven’t you ever wondered why he never got married himself? YOU’RE his dream girl, not stupid Megan Fox. Alex is such an asshole that he might have just married you so Griffin couldn’t have you.”

Ted finally shuts up and lets out a huge sigh of relief at having unloaded a huge pile of shit right at my feet that I have no idea what to do with. This cannot really be happening right now.

“Jesus, Ted. When did you grow ovaries?” Bobby complains with a sad shake of his head.

“Whew, that felt good. That’s been like a brick on my chest for years,” Ted says.