Reasons I Fell for the Funny Fat Friend

Reason 23: You’re as horny as I am



Mom and Dad couldn’t have picked a better weekend to be out of the house. Waking up with Hayles in my arms is somethin’ that makes my gut clench in that good way.

She’s still asleep… I think. There’s a small smile on her lips from what I can see, but her back is to me. I kiss that sexy tatt on her shoulder, and she sighs.

Guess she is awake.

“Hey.”

She sighs again. “Sup?”

I chuckle, tightening my hold on her waist. She tucks one of her legs between mine and giggles.

“What?”

Her neck twists so she can meet my eyes. “Jumping jellybeans, Brody. I’m just so frickin’ happy.”

Ah hell. “Me too.”

We kiss, I don’t even care we both have mornin’ breath. I got mints in my drawer if we need ‘em. But I’m not moving from this spot until I have to.

“So, you’re okay with… everything?”

She wiggles her body so she’s facing me, hitchin’ her leg up on my hip and grabbin’ my hand to put on her butt.

“I kinda wanna do it again.” Her face flushes.

Sweet. ‘Cause I want to do it again too. That was pretty much the best thing I’ve ever experienced.

“All right.” Why is my voice shakin’? I don’t have any more reason to be nervous around her. She’s given me everythin’ already.

“Oh!” she squeals right as I go in for another kiss. “What time is it?”

I sigh. “Really?”

“Yeah.” She leans up and searches the room for a clock. “Sorry, but I need to be home by… Crapola! Is that clock right?”

I should lie so she stays in bed with me. But I don’t want any more trouble for her. “Yeah.”

Her lip juts out as she cuddles back into me. “I gotta go.”

No. “Just stay a little bit longer?” I tug her closer to my body, and I feel her sigh of defeat against my chest.

“Two minutes. But then I really have to go.”

“I think we can pump one out in two minutes.” I smile and tilt her chin up. She’s laughin’ and smacks me… okay, more like taps me in the arm.

“As romantic as that sounds…” She rolls her eyes. “That’s not what I meant. I just… can you just hold me?”

Hell yeah I can hold her. I’ll even kiss her too.

“Hey,” I say after what’s been way longer than two minutes, “you promised me you’d tell me that long story about why, you know, we don’t have to worry about, uh, protection.”

“Oh that’s right.”

She’s quiet, stifling a large grin as she traces patterns on my chest.

“So…?”

“I don’t really have time to tell you, but you deserve to know I guess. Especially since we’re probably going to be doin’ this a lot.” Her eyes go to mine, her mouth popping open like she just realized she said that out loud.

She’s so damn cute.

I kiss her, keeping my tongue in my mouth this time though in case of morning breath and not being able to control myself again, but it’s hard and urgent enough for her to know that yeah, I want to do this with her forever.

When we break apart, she wraps her arm around my side and squeezes me close to her. “Okay, so you know the whole dairy theory, right?”

What the hell? “No.”

She smiles and gives me a rapid nod. “Yeah! There was this awesome article about if you have a lot of dairy right before you have sex it works as a good birth control.”

Oh no. She better be jokin’. But her eyes are dead serious, and she squeezes me again.

“And I had like, a ton of milk, two thingys of yogurt, and grilled cheese yesterday. So we should be good!”

No. No. No.

“Hayles…”

She busts out in laughter, her body pulsing against me and it’s my turn to smack—more like tap—her in the arm.

“Ha. Ha. Ha. You think you’re so funny.” I smile and press my forehead against hers. “Will you please tell me the real reason now?”

“Okay, but the real reason has to do with a whole bunch of girly stuff you’ll think is nasty.”

“Try me.” ‘Cause after that dairy thing, I better make sure we were really ‘covered’ last night.

“I’ve been on the pill for like, two years now.”

Okay…

“Why?”

“Girl stuff.” She shakes her head. “Don’t worry about it.”

Don’t worry about it? How can I not worry about it?

“But last night… it was your first time, right?”

“Duh.”

“Then why—”

“Seriously, Brody. You don’t want to know.”

I wiggle my nose against hers. I probably don’t wanna know, but I hate when she keeps things from me. “Come on.”

She cocks her head, giving me the ‘you asked for it’ grin. “Okay, boy I’m in bed with, I used to have a high flow period and it was so bad I needed to be put on birth control so I don’t go through a hundred tamp—”

“Okay!” Ugh, she was right. I didn’t want to know. “I got it.”

Her laughter is so contagious, even though she just about made me puke.

“Alrighty, close your eyes.”

My eyebrow goes up. “Why…?”

“‘Cause I have to get dressed.” She tugs the blanket around her chest as she slides to the edge of the bed.

“And I have to close my eyes because…?” I saw everythin’ last night, and yeah I want to see her again.

“Because things look different in the light.” She smiles before putting her hand over my eyes. “And I don’t want you going, ‘Yuck! That’s what I did it with last night?’”

Is she serious? “Knock it off, Hayles,” I say, pushing her hand away. “You. Are. Beautiful.” I reach over to tug the blanket off her, but she fights me.

“Hey!” She’s giggling, and I take that as my cue to pin her against the mattress. Holding her arms above her head, I take in all of her while she’s laughing and yelling at me to stop ogling.

I can’t though. She’s too hot.

“Hayles?”

She stops laughing, but the smile is still on her face. “Yeah, perv?”

My eyes go to hers. I don’t even have to fight to keep them there. I want to look at her like this.

“Did you mean what you said last night?”

“Which part?”

Her hands slide from under my grasp and she rests them on my chest. It feels so good to be this close with her.

“That you’re falling in love with me.”

She reaches up and pulls the back of my neck so I can meet her lips. Yeah, this is the first time she’s kissed me. She kissed me back a lot last night… but yeah, this is the first time she’s made the move.

“Yes, I meant it,” she says when we break apart. “Did you?”

I give her a sort-of smile. “No.”

Her eyebrows scrunch together in that awesome way and I can tell she’s about to yell at me, so I cut her off.

“I’m not falling in love with you.” I give her a full smile this time, wiping her hair from her face. “I am in love with you.”

She rolls her eyes and smiles. “Cheeseball.”

I laugh and kiss the tip of her nose. “Well, I mean it. I love you.”

I know I shouldn’t expect to hear it back. She already did sort-of say it to me, but when she just sighs and tells me she’s gotta go, my gut feels like she just socked it with a brick.



There’s this scene on this chick flick Quynn made me watch with her once. That dude in Inception sleeps with that girl on Elf and he does this musical number thing walkin’ down the street. I thought it was pretty fruity. No guy would act like that even if he did just score.

I’m now eatin’ my words. I kind of want a whole bunch of people dancin’ in the background as I make my way to the Dodge, as I run to the store to get a bunch of junk food, as I go to the park ‘cause I just wanna. I want to fist pump the air and skip and all that stuff, and I do a few times, then catch myself.

And from her reaction this mornin’, Hayles seemed pretty okay with everythin’. It was good for her, you know? She said she wanted to do it more. Not just again, but over and over again. That’s damn hot. I owned it. Not that she had anythin’ to compare it to, but she didn’t say it was bad.

She wanted more.

Hell yeah!

I’m doin’ this weird jig as I walk up my porch, and I’m hummin’ under my breath, somethin’ I never do. Look what this girl has done to me!

“You are in big trouble.”

“Dammit!” I yell as I trip off the porch, droppin’ the bag of chips in my hand. Quynn stands up from the patio chair we’ve got in front of our window and crosses her arms.

“I’m not even going to apologize for scaring you. Where were you last night?”

“I… uh…”

“All I get is a text! ‘Can’t make it.’ That’s it! What was so important you had to cancel our date last night?”

Date? What the hell? She thought it was a date? I try to rewind to our conversation. But everythin’ is muddy. Is this what sex does? Like a hangover without the feelin’ like crap part.

“Hello?”

I shake my head running a hand over the back of my neck. “Sorry, Quynn. I didn’t realize… I thought… somethin’ came up, and I couldn’t make it.”

She rolls her eyes and stomps past me.

“Really, it’s not just some excuse. A friend was havin’ a bad night.”

Girlfriend, Brody. Say it! Hayles is your girlfriend!

“A friend?” She cocks an eyebrow.

“Yeah.”

Her arms drop, and she starts playin’ with her fingers. “Hayley?”

I nod. Guess Mom’s not the only person who’s noticed how much time I spend with her.

“It’s not like that, though.”

Whoa, what the hell? What am I sayin’? It’s exactly like that. I just told Hayles loved her… after making love to her. I’m lyin’ right into Quynn’s face ‘cause…

I don’t know how to finish that thought.

“Not like what?”

Her eyes flick to mine, but I don’t hold her stare. I go straight to lookin’ at the crack in the porch.

“Nothin’. Never mind.”

“Okaaaay.” She takes a step towards me, plastering on a smile. “Well, you’re not skipping out on the one tonight. Promise?”

That word is just as bad as ‘please’. And I’m still confused as hell why she still has such power over me when I’m in love with Hayles. But I’m noddin’ and she’s huggin’ me, then she’s gone.

Maybe douchebaggery is genetic.





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