Pieces of Truth

Chapter 6

The Past

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Dear Norah,

If you are reading this, you’ve probably gone straight home from seeing me off at the airport and to your bedroom, so you can sit in the darkness and listen to your music. I wanted you to read this after I left, which is why I put it under your iPod in your room.

Firstly - I miss you already. Since we’ve been thirteen, I don’t recall a week without seeing your face or hearing your voice. It’s going to be extremely hard for me not being around you. I’m already having massive withdrawals as I write this to you, knowing I’ll be in the air, and not within walking distance of your home. There is a sadness in that realization I wish I could truly convey to you.

I know I left very abruptly after my parents’ funeral, but I couldn’t bear to be in New York a moment longer. I needed to leave, and rather than wait until next week for orientation, I decided to go early and get settled into McLaren University. I hope you understand my decision to leave. I do regret leaving you all alone in the city with your Dad, and everything around him. I know what you live with every day and how hard you fight to stay strong. I wish I could still be there to help you stay on course, but I have faith that your strength runs deep, and that you are capable of holding onto the light that keeps you smiling. I know you can lean on your art and your, ah...Glock, if you need to. Those outlets have always helped you not lose control, although, I am still worried. You know how I worry. So please take care of not letting your emotions spiral. Your episodes were scary, even for me, and I witnessed many. I don’t think anyone else can handle them the same way, although I’m confident you know your triggers and will try to ensure you stay on top of it.

I’ve written this because, well...there are so many things I’ve wanted to say to you. I think we were both scared of talking about how we both really feel. We didn’t talk about such things because we both saw what your father is capable of, and what we could lose. We never spoke about ‘that’ day, but we both know - don’t we? I just wish we had that chance to say the things we always wanted to say. Maybe one day soon we will.

Norah, when I think of you, I remember how much you shared with me. How much you trusted me when you spoke about your Dad and your Mum. You once told me that you wished you knew your mother; wished you could have heard her voice and known what kind of person she was. You used to tell me all the time how much you wished and wished for that. Well Norah, all you need to do is look in the mirror and there she is. I believe wholeheartedly that anyone as beautiful as you, both inside and out, must have come from a person exactly like you. I have no doubt in my mind, that everything special about you, comes from your mum. You don’t need to wonder about her, because she is every bit a part of you. The best parts. She is with you when you sketch, when you laugh and when you cry. I know she would be proud of the magical woman you have become, and I hope deep down, you believe that.

Please don’t be scared when I’m not around. You are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. I will always be a phone call, letter, email or text away. I know that you are already planning a trip for me to come home, but I don’t know if that’s possible for a long time. I just can’t. The loss of my parents, as well as all the money. I won’t be alright until I regain my own strength of character and find who I once was. Their death and their debts; it’s so much, so fast. The shock is still consuming me. Leaving New York was the only way I could make their voices in my head seem less real and less devastating. I need to detach myself from that reality or I won’t end up being the guy who’ll always be there for you. I’ll just be a sad shell of a poor guy, and you deserve more than that. You deserve better than that. And I want to be that man for you. I believe I can become something like the guy you looked at with all the hope in the world, like on that day we never speak of. Norah, I want to make sure when you see me again, I’ll have passion, confidence, direction and strength. All the qualities that you love in a person.

So I am off to a new college, on a new adventure. I did a lot of research about McLaren before I applied. I really think it will be a good fit for me in helping to achieve what I want. Maybe after my time here, I’ll be able to come back and things will be different for us. Maybe I’ll be able to have the conversation with you I’ve always wanted to have. There will be a moment when the time is right for us, when there will be no reason to hide from what we really feel, and when nothing, and no one will be in our way.

You are my best friend, my soul mate, and the only person in the world who gives me hope that I might find happiness again out of all this pain.

You’ve always been the girl worth fighting for, and one day, I know I’ll be fighting for you.

I’ll call you when I land.

Your best friend who will always be thinking of you,

Josh.