Chapter Seven
The next afternoon Clarissa wondered if spending time in Stearns was even going to be an option.
“It could have happened to anyone,” one of the volunteer firefighters said as his partner finished bandaging up Trevor Rains’ forehead.
Clarissa wondered how she’d ever let herself think this was a good idea.
“Head wounds bleed a lot,” he said sensing her distress. “It looks worse than it is.”
Mackenzie took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze, then she turned to Trevor.
“This ain’t nothing compared to when Jimmy Don barreled into the door handle, remember Trevor?”
The little boy sniffled as he nodded in agreement. “He had to get stitches and everything.”
Just then Trevor’s mother burst in through the church activity center doors, panic clearly written on her face. “Oh my, oh Trevor, honey,” she said running to his side and pulling him into her arms.
Trevor’s family had lost everything in the storm, and now they had this to deal with.
Trevor hugged his mother tight then pushed back ready to go play more.
One of the firefighters asked if he wanted to check out the truck, and soon all the kids were in the parking lot asking the rescue workers to turn on the sirens.
Clarissa urged the other two shelter volunteers on duty to go outside with the children while she stayed back to talk to Trevor’s mother.
“What on earth happened?”
Clarissa wasn’t exactly sure, which made this even worse.
“He was playing and he fell. It happened so fast...”
“These are children, you’ve got to...” Trevor’s mother trailed off shaking her head. “It doesn’t matter. When Joan called, I was so worried.”
Joan Anderson. Clarissa’s heart hurt while she waited for what would come next. The judgment, the ugliness. She didn’t belong in Stearns.
“When he was three, Trevor fell off his training wheels and broke his arm. He had the worst black eye after falling out of bed. He slipped on a slick spot in the grocery store parking lot and had to get stitches in his knee. I guess I should be thanking my lucky stars this wasn’t worse.” She wiped a hand over her brow and pushed the pink bandana she was wearing over her deep red hair back then held out her hand.
“Tess Rains. Trevor’s Mom, obviously,” she laughed.
Shock warred with relief as Clarissa introduced herself.
“Clarissa Dye, and I am so sorry about this.” She started to explain more, but Tess brushed away the words with a wave of her hand.
“Not your fault. I’ve been there often enough to know. I’m just so thankful you’re working with the kids. Trev’s a handful. I’m not sure we’d be able to get anything done without the church’s help. I can’t begin to thank you enough.”
Clarissa didn’t know what to say.
“You’re welcome, I guess,” she said, and Tess laughed again, the sound full and real and judgment free.
“So I hear you’re staying out at the Triple Eight with Jed Dillon and his family.”
This was so not the conversation she’d expected. The subject change had her head spinning.
“Well, yes, for now. I’m not sure how long I’ll be staying out there.”
Tess laughed, sizing her up in a way that left Clarissa uncomfortable.
“You’ve got Jed Dillon in your court, honey, you’d be silly to leave before the fight really got started.”
Okay. Boundaries much.
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“Joan Anderson called me. And she didn’t just tell me about Trevor gettin’ hurt. She’s looking to stir up a hornet’s nest where you’re concerned. But I like the looks of you, and you’re great with these kids. I figure you need a heads up. The town’s recovering from the tornado right now, but that won’t last forever.”
Clarissa didn’t know if she should say thank you, or if she should leave now before things got ugly.
Somehow Tess Rains saw that indecision.
“I’m figuring you know something about fighting, Clarissa Dye. And if what Joan’s saying is true, it doesn’t matter where you go, you will always be that girl until you write the next Chapter of your story. Stearns is your chance.”
Clarissa bit her lip, aching at the truth and the knowledge that somehow Joan Anderson had uncovered her past. That her chance at belonging was gone.
She narrowed her eyes cynically. “I don’t even know you. Why are you doing this? Being nice to me?”
Tess met her eyes for a minute and Clarissa thought she saw something there that couldn’t be. Something that didn’t match this woman who’d lost everything and still seemed full to overflowing with laughter.
“Stearns and the Good Lord saved my life,” Tess said. “It wasn’t easy, but I made it through the storm okay. Maybe I see a little of me in you. Now, I’m going to get my boy from that truck, take him to see his daddy and let him regale us with the tale of that gigantic bandage. He is going to have one heck of a bruise on that noggin. But maybe that will be what he remembers instead of the destruction back home.”
Jed pulled off his work gloves as he headed up the steps into the church activity center. He’d heard plenty about the Rains boy’s accident before the EMT’s had even left the church parking lot. Phone lines might be down all over the city, but the Stearns social media outlets were in fine form courtesy of cell services.
Several children were climbing on one of the firetrucks, and he saw more than a few adult volunteers, but Clarissa was nowhere to be found.
He called out a hello to Joan. He understood her unhappiness about as well as anyone he figured. Mack waved from the inside of the firetruck.
“Daddy! Look at what I can do.”
A few seconds later sirens wailed, lights flashed and the parking lot filled with kids who stared awestruck at his daughter as if she’d performed some kind of magic.
He shot Mack a thumbs up and then pointed with his thumb to let her know he was going inside.
The activity center was dark, shadows broken only by late afternoon sunlight streaming in through windows.
If Clarissa were here, she wasn’t in plain sight.
He kept searching until he found her in the kitchen washing dishes.
“Hey,” he said. “You okay?”
She shrugged and a clump of soap bubbles flew up to her elbow.
“I’m fine. Trevor Rains might be another story.”
Jed picked up a dishtowel and started drying the dishes Clarissa washed. He figured that was a better idea than touching her or pulling her close for another hug.
“Nah,” he said. “Trevor Rains is made of tougher stuff than that. He’s all boy.”
Clarissa stuck her hands in the steaming water, but she didn’t wash anything, and he could tell she was upset.
“You sure you’re alright?”
“I’ll be fine. I just need...”
Mack came barreling into the kitchen, throwing her arms around his legs.
“Daddy, did you see me, did you see me?”
He laughed at her exuberance.
“Oh yeah, Mack Attack, I saw you. I bet Chief Wallace is ready to make you Junior Fire Chief after that.”
Mack shook her head. “Nah. Trevor got Junior Fire Chief. And a concussion. You helping Clarissa do dishes, huh? Mzzzzz Tompkins said you were and Aunt Joan said she just bet, so I snuck in here real fast.”
Clarissa squeezed her eyes shut for a second, but kept on washing. A light red started under her neck and crawled out over her cheeks, but if not for that he wouldn’t even know she’d been hurt by Joan’s words delivered via Mack.
He’d have to have words with Joan if she didn’t learn to hold her tongue. He understood the woman was hurting. Understood their families were tied. But he wouldn’t tolerate her being mean to Clarissa.
“Hey Champ, you better go on out there and play with the other kids.”
Mack scrambled down without complaint. Before she left the kitchen, though, she gave Clarissa a quick hug.
Once Mack was gone, Jed tried to bridge the awkwardness.
“What Joan Anderson thinks doesn’t mean a thing.”
Clarissa unplugged the sink and the water glugged down the drain before she finally answered him.
“But it does, Jed. I can’t let your name be messed up by me and my actions.”
“Trevor...”
“Good grief, I am not talking about Trevor. I’m talking about me staying out at the ranch and spending all this time with you and Mackenzie. It will matter. I can’t see putting your reputation at risk.”
He would’ve laughed if she weren’t so upset.
“The last thing you have to worry about is my reputation, Clarissa.”
She sighed in obvious frustration. “You don’t even know...”
He stepped closer, fought to keep his hands away from her. Instinctively, he knew if he pushed his luck there, she’d bolt. And bolting for Clarissa would probably mean never seeing her again. Instead he used words to make his point.
“I know enough. I know you’ll tell me what you think I need to know when you’re ready.”
He didn’t realize how much he wanted her to trust him enough to tell her story until she changed the subject all together.
“I”m staying with my mother in the bunkhouse for now. Will you do me a favor and keep Mackenzie away from her? Tammy Jo Dye’s not a nice person.”
Fighting his disappointment, he tried to make light of her words.
“Might be better to sick Mack on her.”
Clarissa didn’t get the joke.
“I’m serious, Jed. I don’t want her hurt.”
Like she’d been hurt. Jed’s heart hurt for Clarissa at the words. He wished he could brush the pain from her eyes. Instead he agreed to her request.
“Won’t be a problem.”
And while he couldn’t cross her walls and touch her, he could turn the conversation from something so painful.
“I figured I’d walk in here and you’d blame me for Trevor’s accident since I’m the reason you agreed to work at the shelter.”
His words seemed to work. Clarissa visibly relaxed.
“Back to that, huh? Well, fine, please go take the blame and maybe Joan Anderson and her posse won’t ride me out of here for being a bad babysitter.”
“Ha!” He couldn’t hold back the laugh at the idea of Joan having a posse. “From what I’ve heard tell, you’re a far sight more than a baby sitter. I will have a talk with Joan, though.”
That stopped her short. “I’m a big girl, Jed. I don’t need you to fight my battles.”
He saw it then, a toughness, a pride. Something in her had shifted. He silently nodded, letting her know he would agree to her wishes.
“If you’re going to do battle, how about joining me and Mack for dinner before going back to the ranch?”
That brought back the frown.
“I don’t know, Jed.”
He wasn’t beyond a little cajoling. “Come on. Mack deserves a Happy Meal after her work today, and you’ll want a break before heading out to the bunkhouse.”
A piece of hair escaped from her ponytail, and he dropped his hands to keep from reaching out and brushing it away. She was gorgeous and tough, and he wanted to make sure Joan Anderson knew words against Clarissa Dye were words against the Dillons as far as he was concerned. But he’d agreed to let her fight her own battle. This time.
When she agreed to join him and Mack for dinner Jed stopped himself from showing too much emotion and spooking her away. Clarissa Dye was a lot like the unbroken Mustangs they tagged for the government out on the Triple Eight. She’d shy away if she knew what he was thinking.
Mack climbed up the ladder in the play area and disappeared into a plastic slide shaped like a rocket.
“You sure she’s okay?”
Jed would have laughed if Clarissa weren’t so deadly serious.
“It’s a play area, Clarissa. The kids are supposed to disappear for a minute. Hold on and you’ll see her any second.”
Sure enough Mack flew down the slide a few seconds later followed by two new friends. Like always Mack was bossing the other kids around, but they didn’t seem to mind.
Clarissa toyed with a french fry, not really eating it, just scooting it around on her tray.
“You know there are people who’d call what you’re doing to that fry a crime.”
Instead of laughing, Clarissa pushed the tray away, her eyes still on the slide.
“I’m afraid I’m not very good company tonight, Jed. I’m sorry.”
He wanted to ask her what was wrong. Ask her to share the burden instead of carrying it alone. But he didn’t really have that right.
“Not a problem. You know Pete said he’d be ready to open in a week tops. Won’t be long and you’ll be able to go back to work.”
Clarissa didn’t seem as happy about the news as he’d expected. Her hands were tapping away on the table, her legs bouncing up and down. Agitation showing so clearly. He couldn’t let this continue without at least trying to make her feel better.
He rested a hand on top of hers in what he’d expected to be reassurance, but the spark said something completely different.
She looked up at him, her big eyes full of questions and something more, something he wanted to explore.
“I’m here for you, Clarissa. Whatever’s going on in your brain, whatever has you so upset, you can share.”
She didn’t pull her hand from his just ran the free one through her hair and looked toward the slide, but she wasn’t seeing his daughter. Clarissa was lost in memories and pain and something more.
Finally, she turned back to him and pulled her hand away. “I’ll be okay.’
“You need to talk to someone.”
“I’ll be okay, Jed. I get that you’re the town hero, the guy who everyone loves. But you can’t fix this, okay? You can’t save me. Just...forget it.”
Jed knew he should leave it, quit trying. Clarissa was too upset and she was pushing him away intentionally, but he couldn’t.
“I’m no hero, Clarissa. And I’m not interested in fixing you. God’s the one in the saving business. What I am is a guy doing his best to be a friend to someone who desperately needs a friend right now.”
“Daddy, Clarissa watch me!” Mack stood behind bars in the upper deck of the slide and she waited for them both to give her their full attention then flung herself down the slide backwards, landing with a roll and smiling like she’d won the kiddie rodeo.
He clapped and Clarissa did, too, but her heart wasn’t in it, and even Mack could tell that.
His daughter sent him a worried glance, and he pointed to his watch. “One more go, Mack, then we’ve got to get back to the ranch.”
Maybe it was time to start separating Mack from Clarissa. Maybe he’d misjudged what he’d thought was God’s prompting.
Clarissa asked Jed to make her apologies to Paul and Susie, but she was tired and there was no way she could spend time with the family watching them so happy and content together.
Plus she wanted to fall into Jed’s arms and cry and tell him everything and that would be a mistake. She needed to push it all back in the depths of her brain, forget and go on. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, depending on herself and no one else.
She almost made it to the bunkhouse but a full laugh she knew too well caught her attention. Tammy Jo. And Paul Dillon. Standing outside the stables looking way too chummy.
Her heart caught. No way, Tammy Jo. No way. As she marched toward them Clarissa heard Tammy gasp and Paul murmured something about special promises.
Clarissa’s heart thundered in her ears. She should’ve insisted the sheriff take Tammy Jo back to Stearns. Should’ve put her on the first bus out of town. Should have left town with her if that’s what it took.
Clarissa’s mother saw her first. But she didn’t jump away from Jed’s father in guilt, she just kept on smiling and called out, “Come over here, Clarissa. It’s miraculous.”
Confusion hit her first. And then skepticism. Tammy didn’t do anything without ulterior motives. But her voice sounded so normal. She trudged the last few steps up the path to the clearing and fence. And there she saw what her mother was so enchanted with.
A baby horse standing next to its mother.
“Her name’s Sugar.”
Her mother said the name with awe. And her face was different, too. It was like a single day on the ranch had done something. Scrubbed her clean. Turned her into someone different...someone who really did look at baby horses with wonder and awe. Someone who laughed with a man without anything more in mind.
“She’s beautiful,” Clarissa whispered because she couldn’t seem to make her voice work normally in this moment.
As awe inspiring as the baby horse was, Clarissa couldn’t believe she was actually jealous of her mother right now.
“Paul, thank you so much,” Tammy put her hand on Jed’s father’s arm, and, suddenly, Clarissa saw clearly. Her mother hadn’t changed at all.
“Mr. Dillon, I appreciate everything you’ve done for us. Momma and I have a lot to catch up on.”
Paul’s eyes twinkled as he looked at her, and she saw he completely understood what was going on. “Why don’t I go on back up to the house and let you and your momma talk here.”
With that he started up the the hill to the house. A little hitch in his walk, but nothing too worrisome since he had his cane. He’d be offended if she tried to help him. So she waited until he was almost to the house then turned on her mother.
“Don’t even think about it.”
“I deserve that, I suppose.” Tammy looked away.
Clarissa refused to back down, refused to feel guilty about the accusation.
“Paul Dillon is a good man who opened his home to me and he’s allowed you to stay here as long as you’re willing to work. Don’t ruin this. Don’t think about making one of your moves.”
“You are crazy if you think a woman like me could ever get between Paul Dillon and his wife. Those two share a love that can’t be broken. But I don’t blame you for misreading what happened here. I’ve certainly never, well...look, Clarissa. Look at me.”
Clarissa did what her mother asked and was surprised at what she saw.
Work gloves, a muddy shirt. Filthy jeans tucked into work boots. Her mother’s face streaked with grime.
“You look awful.”
Clarissa said the words before she thought, then decided from here on she’d only be honest with her mother.
“I feel wonderful,” Tammy Jo said. “Spent the day mucking out those stalls.” She pointed beyond the baby horse.
“Oh, ew, that dirt’s not just dirt then, huh?”
Tammy Jo laughed, and Clarissa was shocked that the laugh seemed real. “It’s been a long time since I’ve spent a day on manual labor. Gave me time to think. Not all that fun to play a life like mine on rewind. I can’t go back and change things, Clarissa, but I can make sure the rest of my life is different.”
Stunned Clarissa stared at her mother, wondered what had happened to her and how long it would take before she was back to her normal self. Because one thing was for sure. Tammy Jo Dye would never change. Clarissa had learned that lesson time and time again.
For now, she’d just be happy her mother was willing to work hard.
“I’m going back to the bunkhouse,” Clarissa said. “Stay out here as long as you need.”
A week later Clarissa stood inside the dining room of Pete’s and looked around in amazement. It looked like Pete had simply closed for remodeling instead of suffering damage from a tornado.
“You moved fast.”
“Not me,” Pete said smiling sheepishly. “I think the citizens were afraid they’d starve without the diner.”
Clarissa couldn’t help but be relieved that this was one step closer to normal. “You want me to work tomorrow?”
“You know it.”
Good. Living in the bunkhouse at The Triple Eight was one thing. Tagging along to church with the Dillons was another.
“Free pie with every order.”
Ought to be packed then.
“Bev coming in?”
“Not until next week. But we’ll have plenty of help.”
A little vague there. Not like Pete.
“Plenty?”
“Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing.”
She should’ve been worried. That’s what Clarissa thought when Mackenzie rode to church with Paul and Susie leaving her to ride into town with Jed.
A Jed intent on talking about everything from his dog Beau who had died a couple years ago to a pet snake Mack wanted to the time he and his siblings had learned the nasty truth about poison ivy.
She didn’t want to talk to Jed, didn’t want to know more about his life, didn’t want to wish for things that couldn’t be.
Strangely, he also insisted on playing The Old Time Gospel Hour from a station out of Lawton on the truck’s radio, and the songs her grandmother had loved so much played one after another the entire ride into town.
The Old Rugged Cross.
“You wouldn’t believe how much poison ivy itches. And my momma didn’t feel a bit sorry for us when she rubbed us down with that pink lotion.”
Amazing Grace.
“Mack says she wants a snake because she’s sure it would do a better job eating mice than the barn cats. Not sure I want to know where she learned about snakes eating mice.”
I’ll Fly Away.
“Had Beau fourteen years. No telling how long he would’ve lived if it hadn’t been for the bad dog food. Funny thing. You buy the expensive stuff thinking it’s the best and a fungus causes kidney failure.”
Whiter Than Snow.
“You heard about Lester and Mrs. Norene? Funny thing that. He’s been in love with her long as I can remember. All it took was a tornado and she suddenly sees him in a different light. Pastor West’s doing the ceremony tomorrow afternoon and then Lester and Mrs. Norene are headed to Disney World.”
Clarissa just stared at him. No way had she missed this news. She’d spent the last week in gossip central at the church. No way.
“Mrs. Norene is marrying Lester?” She couldn’t keep the disbelief out of her voice.
“She sure is. Momma is making something called cake pops for the wedding. Not real sure what that means.”
“Wow. Married. That’s just...” she trailed off thinking of all the words that would fit. The one that seemed to work best. Wonderful.
“That’s amazing. I’m stunned.”
“Lester spent the whole time Mrs. Norene was in the hospital up there with her in the City. Lester finally told her he loved her, and she said if he would go to church, maybe they could talk about things. He wheeled her to the chapel right then and there.”
Whoa. “The things people will do for love.”
“Lester said he remembered all about prayer when they were pulling the debris off of the closet he knew Mrs. Norene took shelter in.”
Clarissa could understand that. She’d spent a fair share of time praying that day also. But sometimes the happy endings weren’t to be found.
She didn’t want to get into a religious debate with Jed right now. Didn’t want to talk about how a God who forgave everything might not be a God she’d be interested in. Somethings were unforgivable.
Clarissa pushed the past away and focused on the fact that Lester was getting his happy ending.
Jed parked the truck in front of the feed store and jumped out, which was odd. When Jed followed her to Pete’s and called out a “ready to do as told,” as the door whooshed shut, she closed her eyes.
“You’re kidding,” she said.
But when she opened her eyes, Jed stood there smiling like he’d won the lottery and a shift at Pete’s was as good as it got.
“In about three hours, you’re going to wonder what on earth you were thinking when you agreed to this,” she said, looking for her apron and finding a brand new one with her name embroidered on it hanging on a peg next to a new set of lockers.
Grabbing the apron, Clarissa almost laughed at the worry on Jed’s face.
“I’ve moved cattle, planted and harvested wheat and spent multiple weekends camping with Mack. I think I can handle helping out Pete for one day.”
“We’ll see,” she said over her shoulder before heading into the restroom.
Once the door closed, she blew out a breath in one long exhale and looked in the mirror. There wasn’t one in the bunkhouse, and she tried real hard to avoid the mirrors at the church because she didn’t like what she saw in herself in that house of a God who didn’t seem to care about her.
The face looking back had changed. Her eyes were soft. She had to be careful. Had to resist the temptation that was Jed Dillon.
Jed watched Clarissa maneuver from table to table to diner bar to pie fridge and back with a combination of wonder and pride. Momma was right. Clarissa Dye was grit personified.
And she sure was pretty.
He wanted...he said a quick prayer. Your will, God. Not mine.
It wasn’t always easy to remember that. But with Clarissa it was essential. She needed God, needed His salvation, His comfort, His absolution in her life.
So far she hadn’t been willing to talk to any of them about God. Not him, not his daddy, not even his Momma, and Susie Dillon could talk to anyone about God.
“You working or lolligagging?” Pete asked and threw a towel in Jed’s direction.
Message received.
He started wiping down the tables and would have been content doing that all night.
Only the bell above Pete’s door rang and Joan Anderson walked in, a piece of paper clutched tight in her hands, her powder blue suit and matching shoes showing she’d already been to church for the day.
And of course she was headed right for him.
“Jed Dillon, you need to be aware who you’re keeping company with.”