But why the hell did I freeze? Why did I care if she was going to ask Simon and me about when we were going to get married? We’d get married when we wanted to. I mean, right?
As I shuffled through this mental Rolodex of panic, I caught his eye from across the table. He’d watched the whole thing, and he knew me well enough to know exactly what I’d been thinking. He grinned, knowing he’d caught me. I rolled my eyes and tried to act casual, paying extraspecial attention to the conversation that had continued during my freeze frame.
“Hold on—so you guys aren’t planning on getting married? Ever?” Sophia asked, looking back and forth at Chloe and Lucas.
“Feisty, back off, it’s not really your business,” Neil said, rubbing her shoulders.
“No, it’s cool. We’re not planning on getting married—at least not anytime soon. We were both engaged to other people, both went through the whole wedding planning process, we know what that’s like. We’re pretty happy just as things are,” Lucas said, leaning in and kissing Chloe on the cheek.
“It’s true, why mess with a good thing?” Chloe agreed, leaning into his kiss. “Granted, we were both engaged to the wrong people, so one day we might decide to tie the knot. But for now? Not for us.”
“I don’t trust a girl who doesn’t want to wear white,” Sophia said, and I slapped at her hand.
“I wear plenty of white. Your cousin here has a thing for pinup girls in white lacey corsets,” Chloe shot back.
“Too much—”
“Awesome!” Sophia and Neil shouted at the same time.
While the table dissolved into corset talk, I thought about what Chloe had said. If things were good, why change it? That was obviously working for them, and it was working for Simon and me, as well. Hmmm . . .
I stood on the balcony overlooking the ocean, watching the breakers roll in. Starting slow, just outside my field of vision in the black night, each one grew slowly from underneath, swelling to the top and moving relentlessly toward the shore. Finally rearing up, first white around the edges, then throughout as it fell in on itself, crashing onto the rocks and foaming through every crack and crevice. I watched countless waves, following their inevitable path. Each began the same way; each ended the same way. Time after time, unaltered for eons.
Waves couldn’t course correct. They couldn’t simply decide one day, hey, I think I’ll head south toward Mexico, see what’s up down there. The only way they were going anywhere other than where they were intended was if there was some major event. Hurricane. Earthquake. El Ni?o. Otherwise, they were heading for the shore. You could set your clock by the tide. Eventual. Unavoidable. It’s what happened.
Deep thoughts. Although it was hard to sit by the ocean and think shallow thoughts, my mind seemed to always go toward the heavy. It would default to melancholy sometimes; why was that?
“Babe, it’s freezing out there, aren’t you cold?” Simon called from inside.
“It’s not too bad, actually. The fresh air feels nice,” I called back. His footsteps grew louder as he came to the door and slid the glass all the way back.
“Seriously, freezing.”
“Seriously, come warm me up, then,” I replied, shaking my bottom at him slightly. Arms were wound around my waist within seconds. He pulled me back against his chest, hands wrapped around my hips, as I snuggled against him. “This feels nice.”
“Agreed,” he said into my hair, nuzzling my neck. “So what are you thinking about out here all by yourself?”
“Just watching the waves,” I said, sliding my hands into his and wrapping them more firmly around my waist.
“You never just watch the waves, Caroline. You’re thinking about something.”
“I do too just watch the waves. Look how beautiful it is,” I said, scanning the horizon left to right. The waves, the beach, the endless stars . . .
“It is beautiful,” he agreed. “But I know you were thinking about something out here. You were sighing every thirty seconds.”
“I was?” I asked, surprised.
“Sure—that’s when I know something’s on your mind. Your sighs are off the chart when something’s up, babe.”
“What? Wait, what?” I asked again, turning around in his arms to stare up at him.
“You think I can’t tell, after all this time, when you’ve got something working up there?” he asked, dropping a kiss on my nose. “So out with it: what’s got you sighing on a balcony?”
I sighed without thinking, causing a crease to appear on his forehead as he tried not to laugh. I looked at his face and rolled my eyes a little. Just the one roll.
“Okay, yes.” I sighed. “And okay, yes, maybe I was thinking some thoughts.”
“Care to share?” he asked, and I took the opportunity to press my face into his chest. “Oh, it’s like that, is it? No sharing?”