Pulling me close, Jake and I danced a very slow dance. Our bodies moved to the rhythm of the music and I lost myself in his graceful lead. He began to hum the music in my ear and I could feel his mouth slowly brushing the back of my neck, moving toward my jaw and traveling to my tender lips. I quivered ever so slightly when his lips touched mine. In our handful of dates, we’d only shared a few heated kisses. Our chemistry felt different tonight. I understood his intentions. He wanted to progress in more ways than just emotionally. Right as the kiss deepened, his pager went off and broke our embrace.
With critical eyes, I glared at him. He had done this to me too many times—left me in the middle of dinners, brunches, and weekend trips.
He looked back at me, guilty as charged. “Damn! Not again,” he groaned.
I had to laugh. Otherwise, I’d start to cry. Even before he left for his call, I knew the scenario. Some emergency occurred where they needed him. He’d have no choice but to go in, and I’d be alone for the night.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll meet you back at the table,” I said.
I tried to walk away but Peter came out of nowhere and offered to finish the dance with me.
I nodded a puzzled acceptance.
“Emily, have you seen Max tonight?”
Hesitantly, I nodded my head yes.
“Have you talked to him since last June?”
“No. What would we have to talk about, his new girlfriend?”
Peter heard the anger in my voice, but couldn’t help himself.
“I can’t believe you two aren’t together anymore.”
“Peter, it’s been over for a year and a half. Why bring this up, now? He…I mean we…have moved on. What part of this confuses you?” Peter, being Max’s best friend, should have had better sense than to leave our status as a question mark. Who would understand the situation better than he?
“Emily, it’s not as simple as you think. Max didn’t just let go of you as easily as you make yourself believe.”
“Pete, regardless of what you say to me, the fact remains he broke up with me on graduation night, and then started dating a new girl within a month of our breakup. I don’t know how else to decipher what happened last June.” As soon as I finished saying this, I saw Peter moving us toward Max and Jennifer. He turned to Max and asked if he could dance with Jennifer and all three of our faces had the same look of panic.
“Peter, what are you doing?” I asked indignantly.
“I think you two should talk. Sorry, Jennifer. They have a few things they need to work out.” He said this while handing me over to Max and taking Jennifer’s hand.
Frightened, our heartbeats danced much quicker than our feet. Our bodies hadn’t been this close in a long time. They seem to have missed each other regardless of our consent. Though I worried about Jake’s response if he saw us together, there was no denying I had missed Max. No matter how weak the feeling, it hadn’t disappeared. Four years couldn’t erase Max’s absence despite Jake’s presence in my life. Perhaps, it was wiser to admit Max would always be a part of my heart.
The dance continued. Max didn’t say a word, but before long I felt his body pull toward mine as I unwittingly pushed toward his. Max’s chin leaned oh so slightly on the top of my head and his arms curved around my body and embraced me longingly. I closed my eyes and briefly imagined the sweet times we danced like this.
Suddenly I heard Jake clear his throat, and I panicked. “Ahem. May I cut in?” Max and I instinctively jerked away. Feeling alarmed, I didn’t know how to explain what had just happened.
“Of course,” Max spoke almost apologetically. He walked away, leaving his girlfriend with his best friend, and not a glance back.
Jake looked hurt, and I stammered to get out an explanation. “Peter danced with me after you left and made me switch partners and told us to talk it out and…and…” Stuttering, I feared Jake’s response. Max and I were too close, too intimate with one another. I only corroborated Jake’s belief that I wasn’t completely over Max. As guilty as I felt, I couldn’t get off this emotional roller coaster.
“It’s OK, Emily. You don’t have to explain,” was his strained answer while pulling me into his chest.
“I promise, I wasn’t trying …”
“Shh, Emily, it’s all right.” His arms encircled me, protectively, possessively.
“Nothing happened, I promise. I’m sorry.” I almost started to cry.
“Emily. I wish I didn’t make you so anxious. It’s OK. I’m OK. You don’t need to apologize. Let’s go back to the table.” He stated everything so matter-of-factly, almost too stoically. My anxiety level climbed up another notch.
Jake did his best to reassure me of his feelings, but I couldn’t forget the betrayed look on his face. That momentary reaction explained more than anything he could’ve said to placate my feelings. Since the dance, I couldn’t decipher whether it was Max, himself, or nostalgia that confused my heart. These feelings that lingered didn’t pose a threat to my relationship with Jake, but I couldn’t deny the hurt that wouldn’t go away.
“What will happen if I have to leave you early tonight?”
“Do you have to leave?” My petulant tone turned Jake’s visible disappointment into an encouraged smile.