Chapter Ten
Awkward. That was the only way to describe what it felt like to sit next to Josh Walker when he wasn’t talking to me. It didn’t matter that I didn’t want him to talk to me. Right?
His gaze burned into me, but when I turned my head to catch him, he was staring back at the professor. By Friday evening, I was ready to eat myself alive with guilt.
I’d been a total bitch. The guy came when my little brother called, which pretty much elevated him to godlike status in the guy department, and he couldn’t help that we’d moved in next door. Turns out he’d been living there two freaking years. If I could have disappeared through the floor in utter embarrassment, I would have.
“Hey, you there?” Sam caught me staring off into space in the general direction of the Dave Matthews poster in the living room.
“Yeah, I’m just distracted.”
She pulled her robe snug around her body and adjusted her towel turban. “The girls and I are headed out in a couple hours. Why don’t you come? You could use some rebound action.”
I surveyed the mountain of school work on the coffee table in front of me. “I wish.” Well, not the rebound, but the rest. “I could really use a drink, but Gus has practice early tomorrow and I told Mom I’d take him.”
“Did she ask you to?”
“No, I offered.” When she remained silent, I looked up from my childhood education text. “What?”
“It’s been a month, Ember.”
Like I needed someone to tell me how long it had been since I’d lost my dad. One month, two days, and eleven and a half hours since notification. “Yeah? And? She needs help.”
“I’m not saying she doesn’t. Look, I really admire what you’ve done. You’ve given up a hell of a lot more than any other kid would. I’m just saying maybe it’s time to trust her a little more. Maybe you could start waiting for her to ask, instead of assuming she can’t handle it all.”
“You don’t understand.”
She sat next to me and pulled my hand off my notebook, holding it in hers. “You’re right. I don’t. No one really does. But I’ve seen your mom in action, through both of these last deployments, and in Kansas, too. She’s tough. Just make sure you’re not selling her short. Besides, isn’t your Grams still watching out for her?”
“Yeah, she keeps saying she’s leaving soon, but it’s like she’s waiting for something, some green light that we’re okay. I’m just thankful she’s still here, otherwise I think I would have moved back home.” I smiled, realizing what Grams had saved me from. “Besides, Grams knows nothing about hockey.”
A wicked smile sprung onto Sam’s face. “Maybe Josh is the reason you wanted to take Gus?”
Blood rushed to my cheeks. “I have to apologize to him.”
“Then go apologize.” She stood up and toweled off her hair. “Girl, the guy lives next door. Get your ass over there and say you’re sorry. I have to go get my sexy on.” She sashayed into her bedroom. Not like Sam needed any help in that department, but I knew whatever getup she’d choose would accentuate every asset the girl had.
I glanced at the clock: 7:15 p.m. The nervous pit in my stomach told me I was really going to do this. I put down my books and got my butt off the couch. Was I really going over there in jeans and a zip-up hoodie? Yup. It wasn’t like I was trying to impress him, right? This sent the appropriate stay-away message. Plus, I hadn’t put on makeup or shaved my legs. Who the hell would shave their legs for an apology?
Before I lost my nerve, I slipped out of our apartment, barefoot, and walked next door to his. Three knocks later, I held my breath and waited to make an ass out of myself again.
The door opened, and a lean, extremely hot blond guy answered. “Hello there,” he drawled as his eyes drifted over me appreciatively.
“Hi, I’m Ember, your neighbor?”
A very sexy smile lit up his face. “Hello, Ember, my neighbor.”
“Yeah.” I peeked around him. “Does Josh happen to be here?”
His face fell. “Ah, shit. Did he already call dibs? You don’t really look like the Josh type.”
I arched my eyebrow at him, and he stuttered, “You’re hot as hell, he just usually goes for the . . .”
“Barbies?” I was well aware of what “type” Josh went for.
“Exactly.” He opened the door, making room for me to slide past him into a hallway that mirrored our own layout. “Walker! You got company!” He turned back to me. “Just in case he isn’t what you’re looking for . . .” He flashed a killer smile. “My name’s Jagger.”
I tried to ignore that he was hitting on me. He was really good at it. “It’s nice to meet you, Jagger.”
“Oh, it’s my pleasure.” He held his tongue between his teeth, flashing a tongue ring.
“Jagger, back the f*ck up off Ember.”
My breath stopped, and then expelled in one huge rush.
Josh leaned against the wall, one ankle crossed. A pair of gray flannel pants hung low on his hips. One tug was all it would take. One tug.
My mouth dropped open before I could close it. He wasn’t wearing a shirt. All that soft, inked skin draped across those muscles, and God, I remembered how it tasted. The thought of tasting it again had more than a spark raging through my thighs. Just being in the room with him turned me on in a way that had me seriously considering Sam’s suggestion of a rebound.
“And another one bites the dust,” Jagger muttered and left us alone in the entryway.
Josh didn’t budge, waiting on me to make the first move. I didn’t blame him since my signals blew so hot and cold. The guy never knew what he was in for.
I closed the gap between us, until I was close enough that I had to lean my head back to look in his eyes. Close enough that I caught the faint scent of sandalwood coming off him. I stood there, staring up while he held my gaze, unable to say what I needed to. How could I explain what I didn’t understand? Those brown eyes burned right through me with an intensity I couldn’t fathom, but wanted more of.
He reached out, cupping my face in one hand. “December?”
I stayed silent, not trusting my mouth. After all, what my mouth wanted betrayed what my head was preaching. My heartbeat sped up and my breath caught. I leaned into his palm, turning slightly to catch more of his incredible scent. Little droplets of water clung to his skin. He was straight out of the shower.
F*ck. I wanted him. I wanted him over me, weighting my body into a bed, a couch, a freaking kitchen counter. I needed this man. Not anyone else, just Josh.
I attacked, bringing his head, his lips to mine. There was no preamble, no gentle request this time. We met in a fury of open lips, both ready for the other. I sucked his tongue into my mouth. He growled. His hands sank down my back, skimming my ass before he gripped it and pulled me against him. He spun and pinned me to the wall.
Yes. This was what I wanted.
My fingers gripped his wet hair, desperate to bring him closer. He tasted like strawberry ice cream, and my brain sent hot images of me dripping it onto his stomach and licking it off. I couldn’t help the moan that escaped into his mouth any more than I could stop the movement of my hips against him.
Those hot flannel pants hid nothing on this man.
He released my mouth, only to run his tongue down my throat. I let go of his head to unzip my hoodie. He lifted me higher, the muscles of his arms bulging, the tattoo rippling with his movements, and brought his mouth to my collarbone. The back of my head hit the wall as I arched my neck, rattling a few of the pictures on the wall. From the higher angle, I looked down on him, watching him take nips at my skin and then soothe with a soft kiss. When he looked back up at me, his eyes were so dark I could barely make out his pupils. He wanted me.
Good to know we were on the same page. I cupped his face with my hands, reveling in the softness of his freshly shaven skin. “Josh,” I whispered.
His eyes widened, and I sank further into them, if that was even possible. He lowered me, rubbing my body against his in a delicious friction that made me want to shove his pants off with my feet. He conquered my mouth, stealing away all of my thoughts.
Kissing him was so f*cking addictive. He changed pace, sped it up, mellowed it out, but kept me wondering what he was doing next. He gave me control and then took it back. Josh robbed me of every logical thought in my head except the quickest way to get him out of those clothes. I wanted to see where the lines in his abs headed. My hands slid down his chest, tracing along his stomach until I reached his pants. I skimmed under the elastic, needing to get my hands on him, to feel that soft skin under my fingertips.
He groaned against my mouth, which was the sexiest sound I’d heard since he’d made the same one in Breckenridge. “December.” He panted against my mouth, resting his forehead against mine. “I’m f*cking desperate to carry you to my bedroom, but I don’t think this is what you want.”
Wait. What did I want?
Oh my God. I’d basically assaulted him in his hallway. After I’d told him repeatedly to slow it down. What the hell was wrong with me?
I covered my face with my hands. “What am I doing?”
He gently pulled my hands away. “What are you doing?” His eyes had changed from lustful to compassionate. I couldn’t battle this Josh.
“I came to say I’m sorry for the way I’ve been treating you. Sorry for the mixed signals.” I laughed. “But apparently I jumped you instead, and now I’m sorry for that, too.”
“Sorry for jumping me?” His grin sent another hum through my stomach.
I lost all pretense. “No. I’m not sorry for jumping you. I’m sorry about my god-awful timing.”
His grin faltered. He stroked his thumb over my lips. “I told you I’m here for whatever you need, Ember. Jumping, apologies, whatever.”
Whatever. I needed him, but was too frightened of what that meant to acknowledge it, because more than anything, I needed myself. Why did it always feel like the part of me I needed was buried inside Josh?
“I’d better get back to studying.” My excuse sounded lame even to my ears.
He stepped back. “I’d better get in the shower.”
“Didn’t you just…?”
His eyes sparkled with intensity, and I had to control every muscle to keep from diving for him and his offer of the bedroom. “Yeah, but I think I need another one at a different temperature.”
Josh Walker was taking a cold shower for me? Maybe I could jump in behind him and warm up the water . . . “Oh. I’m sorry about that, too.” Not really.
A slow, sexy smile spread across his face. “I’m not.” He backed me into the wall again and leaned down, hovering right above my mouth. I was not going to give in again; I wasn’t strong enough to step away twice, and I wasn’t ready for a relationship. “If you apologize like that, feel free to treat me like shit any time you want. I will be your personal doormat.”
He pressed a soft kiss to my lips.
“I have to go.” I breathed unevenly. I had to get away . . . before I didn’t.
He opened the door for me and watched until I was walking into my apartment. “Hey, December?”
I didn’t want to turn around. I didn’t want to see his half-naked body on display, or the lines of the tattoo I craved to trace with my tongue. “Yeah?”
“I hope you sleep better than I do.”
The change in topics threw me. “You’re not sleeping?”
He slowly shook his head. “Knowing my bedroom backs up to yours, that you’re only a wall away, lying in bed, makes that pretty f*cking impossible.”
Every muscle in my body loosened, tingles of energy rushing through me. Could a girl orgasm from words? A charged silence passed between us.
“’Night.”
It was my turn to stare until he shut the door behind him. I stumbled into our apartment, shutting the door behind me, then sinking to the floor. Sam popped around the corner, her hair styled and makeup half done. “Did you apologize?”
I could have denied what had happened, but if I was going to choose a friend to trust, then Sam was the perfect candidate. She’d never betrayed me once in our five years of friendship. “If by apologize, you mean nearly swallowing his tongue and debating if I should remove his pants with my hands or teeth?”
“Nuh-uh!” She pulled me off the floor and wrapped her arm around me. “Oh, girl, you’d better dish.” She plopped me down on her bed and went back to the vanity, watching my reflection as she expertly applied her makeup.
“I’m not even sure what to say.”
She turned in her seat. “How about you start with how you finally got the guy you drooled all over freshman year?”
Freshman year. I hadn’t just drooled all over him, I’d fantasized about him, written his last name attached to mine in the back of my English notebook. He’d been total teenage girl drool material, but it hadn’t been the eight-pack abs from the weight room that got me. No, his devil-may-care grin was what drew me to him, the way he never seemed to care what social norm dictated.
“Earth to Ember.”
“Hmmm?”
“Lost in Josh-land?”
“Just thinking about how things have changed. Five years ago I never would have had the guts to even speak to Josh.” Oh no, our social orbits were nowhere near each other. He had been the sun, and I had been somewhere like Pluto, trying, but still not even a planet.
“Remember when I dared you to ask him to Sadie Hawkins?” She applied her mascara like the cosmetic expert she was.
The memory swept over me, and I laughed. “Thank God I found out Vickie Brasier already had! Could you have imagined the utter embarrassment?”
“Well, now you’re hooking up with him!”
I grimaced. “Not exactly hooked up. More like . . . half hooked up?”
She waggled her finger at me. “You let that man get away without snatching a piece?”
“He kind of turned me down.” Could she hear the sheer mortification coming through the high pitch of my voice? I sure could.
“Huh.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
She went back to her mascara. “It’s just that he has kind of the same reputation here as he did in high school. The girls chase him, and he lets them ‘catch’, if you will. He’s the perfect rebound guy for you, actually. He doesn’t tend to go back to pastures he’s already grazed. Hmmmm.”
“Sam, spit it out!”
Her eyes locked with mine in the mirror. “I don’t know. I don’t really hear about him turning hot girls away.”
“Great, so I’m broken.”
“Why don’t you ask him about it at hockey tomorrow? He’s never had a problem with his reputation.”
“Oh yeah, that sounds logical and all. ‘Hey, Josh, why didn’t you sleep with me when I threw myself at you?’ Is that something you would ask?” I zipped my hoodie to the neck, suddenly feeling a little cheap.
“You threw yourself at him?”
“The night I found Riley and Kayla.”
We hadn’t really broached the Riley/Kayla topic. She knew why I left, voiced her disgust at Kayla and all, but had never said I told you so. “What exactly did he say?”
I pulled my knees up to my chest. “He wasn’t having sex with me until it was about ‘us,’ and not just about the damage on me.”
Her mascara tube hit the vanity, and her mouth gaped open. “Holy shit. You got to Josh Walker.”
I was too scared to smile. “Not as much as he’s gotten to me.”