Cassidy reached for a piece of bread. “Oh, like kids now care about that. Nobody even bothers to get married before they have a baby any-more, or haven’t you noticed?”
Allison watched as Cassidy winced, belatedly remembering Makayla, Nicole’s nine-year-old. No father was ever mentioned.
Cassidy said rapidly, “Although in Katie’s case, maybe they would. Her family seems pretty rigid. Going on and on about how she was such a good girl and would never get in trouble.”
Allison said, “If she’s been missing for more than forty-eight hours, then maybe the reason she hasn’t come home is because she can’t.”
Nicole nodded. “With stranger abductions, they are usually dead within three or four hours. It’s very rare to find them alive and okay.”
Cassidy fingered a red string she wore around her wrist. “Don’t say that. Don’t put that kind of energy out there into the universe.”
Nicole pointed at Cassidy’s wrist. “What’s with the string?”
“Kabbalah.”
“Isn’t that for Jews?”
“You don’t have to be Jewish,” Cassidy said. “You can be anything. It’s not about being a member of a formal religion. It’s about getting in touch with spiritual forces that are active in our lives whether we acknowledge them or not.”
“What do you do exactly?” Allison asked, trying to be open to Cassidy’s latest transitory spiritual enthusiasm.
“You meditate on the cosmic energy of the Hebrew alphabet.”
Nicole’s expression was dubious. “And where does the red string come in?”
“It helps protect you.”
Nicole shook her head. “Might as well drape chicken guts around your neck.”
Cassidy slipped her cardigan back on, hiding her slender wrist. “Allison goes to church, and you don’t tease her.”
“At least she’s consistent.” Nicole gestured with her wine glass. “You have a new thing you’re into every month. It’s feng shui or a palm reader or some new ritual you read about in a magazine.”
Nicole was smiling, but there was an edge to it that made Allison anxious. She liked them both so much, but sometimes it felt like they needed her as a buffer. The three of them had much in common—women trying to make their way in a man’s world of crime and punishment—but there were times their differences were all too apparent.
“Well, I think it’s good to be open to new ideas,” Cassidy said. “I don’t think there’s only one answer, like Allison. And I don’t think there are no answers, like you do, Nic. You won’t admit that there are things we can’t see or touch, but that still exist. You don’t leave any room for magic or serendipity.”
Sometimes Allison thought they were still locked in the same roles they had held in high school. Cassidy was still the cheerleader. Her enthusiasm was intense—and short-lived. Nicole was still a realist. As a black woman living in an overwhelmingly white city, she strove to be better than the best. And Allison herself ? She guessed she was still the good girl, smoothing things over, cleaning up other people’s messes. The one who put herself last. She reached out and put her hand on Cassidy’s wrist, asking her without words to pull back a little.
“I do believe in something,” Nicole declared. “I believe if you think the universe is looking out for you or that God is watching over you or what-ever, then life’s going to come around and bite you in the butt. That red string doesn’t protect you any more than Allison’s going to church on Sunday protects her.”
Nicole took another sip of wine, but as she tipped her head back, Allison thought her eyes looked lost and sad.
“I think you’re wrong, Nic.” Cassidy shook her head. “Maybe it’s not the church, and maybe it’s not the string. But sometimes if you believe there’s a force at work for good, it can change your perspective.”
Their food arrived, and for a minute they were all quiet as they ate.
Eventually Nicole picked up the wine bottle and gestured toward Cassidy. “More wine?” It was a peace offering.
“I’ll have a splash. What about you, Allison? You haven’t even touched your glass.”
Allison opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She hadn’t prepared any statements yet. She wasn’t ready.
Cassidy narrowed her eyes. “You’re not!”
Her friend leaped to the truth so fast it made Allison feel even more off balance.
“Sh! I don’t want to jinx it. It doesn’t feel real yet.” She was surprised to feel the prick of tears.
“So you’re sure?”
“I know how to pee on a stick. I’ve had lots of practice.”
“Marshall must be over the moon,” Nicole said with a grin. But when Allison didn’t say anything, she tilted her head. “Don’t tell me you haven’t told him.”