FOUR
Luke
I didn’t bother looking back to see whether she followed me. If I were honest with myself, for even a second, I would admit that I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to push her against that wall and kiss the breath right out of her. It was out of the question, though, no matter how much I wanted to. Not only was she the girl who’d broken my heart three years ago, she was the daughter of the man I’d come to think of as a father.
Joe Wells had been my rock when Mallory went to college. I had been beyond lonely and Joe reached out, inviting me to dinner and out to batting cages.
Joe was gone for the weekend to take Mallory to college. I felt nothing but emptiness in the cavity my heart used to occupy. My apartment was on the second floor of the building and full of treasures from my relationship with Mal. She’d been an expert at helping me make the place feel more like a home. There wasn’t a single thing inside that didn’t remind me of her.
She’d convinced her dad to buy new living room furniture last fall so I could have their current set. The dishes were a mismatched set she found at a yard sale last summer. The rug in my bedroom was found when we went into a second-hand store downtown. The place was full of her.
I couldn’t escape her presence in my life. Everywhere I went, I saw her, a smile plastered on her face. She seemed genuinely happy about going to Boston and leaving our relationship in the dust. It tore my heart to pieces every time she pretended not to see me. Eventually, I just started getting up at six so I could get my errands in town done first thing in the morning and have less of a chance to have a run-in with her.
But news in a small town spread fast, and Baker had come over that morning to fill me in.
“She’s on her way to Boston, dude,” he said, taking a long drag off his cigarette. “Her dad drove her down himself.”
No matter how many times I told him I didn’t want him smoking in my apartment, he ignored me and did whatever he felt like doing.
I hadn’t said much and eventually Baker left me alone with my thoughts. She was really gone. For the first time in my life, I cried. I welcomed the release of tears, vowing never to tell a soul about it. I needed to mourn her and our relationship.
It was about a week later when my phone rang and her familiar number flashed on the screen of my cell phone. My heart stuttered.
“Hello?”
“Hey Luke, its Joe Wells. Do you have some free time this afternoon?” he asked.
I agreed to meet him but never had any suspicion that he was about to change my life.
I stopped at the main entrance of the hospital and turned around, expecting Mallory to be right behind me. She was nowhere to be found. I walked back to the room I’d almost kissed her in and found it empty. I thought maybe we’d missed each other, so I went back to the main entrance.
I barely made it to the wide glass doors when I saw her car tear through the parking lot. She must have snuck out a side entrance and gone straight to her car, hoping to avoid me. She wasn’t getting away that easily. I ran to my truck and turned the key. The engine roared to life and I was out of the parking lot in seconds.
There was a trail of dust down the road to her house, so I knew I was on the right track. I whipped into the driveway and turned the wheel, coming to a stop just a few feet away from the porch where she stood. A cloud of dusted erupted as I slammed on the brakes. I jerked my door open, climbed out, and slammed it shut.
“What the hell are you doing?” she shouted, her hands balled into fists at her sides.
The dust flew around her. Her eyes were fiery and narrowed at me. I stopped at the hood of my truck, not wanting to get too close. I wasn’t sure I could trust myself where she was concerned.
“Me? Am I the one who snuck away like a thief in the night and drove like a maniac on back roads they haven’t driven in years?”
“Don’t act like you give a shit about the way I drive, or the fact that I didn’t want to ride with you. You wanted us to stay away from each other, remember?” she blurted.
Her cheeks turned red and I knew I must have struck a nerve.
“Mallory,” I started forward.
Her words stopped me.
“No, Luke. You don’t get to just be the victim and keep blaming me for everything. I am not about to take responsibility for the failure of our relationship. We were both accountable. Not only me.” Her voice faltered. “So just stop.”
She turned away and I took the porch steps two at time. I pulled her into my arms, consequences be damned.
She didn’t push me away, though. She buried her face in my chest and cried. The heart-wrenching sobs had my heart clenching for her. Her tears soaked my t-shirt but I didn’t mind. She needed to let it all out. I stayed silent while she sobbed, recognizing her need for silence.
After several minutes, she pulled away, her hands swiping at the lingering tears. “Thank you,” she said with a sad smile. “You want a beer?”
“Sure,” I said.
I opened the screen door for her and she pushed the main door open and let me follow her to the kitchen. She pulled two beer bottles out of the fridge and handed me one. She leaned her hip against the counter and took a long swallow.
“I didn’t think city girls liked beer,” I said with a chuckle.
She grinned wickedly. “I picked up a thing or two in college.”
I sucked in a breath. If ever there was a double entendre…
“I don’t doubt it,” I said.
She raised her eyebrow at me but didn’t respond. She drank more of her beer instead. Her hair was messy and her makeup smudged, but she was still beautiful. I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
“I know you care about my dad, Luke, but I’m here now and I am perfectly capable of taking care of him. I’ll hire a contractor to come fix the porch. You don’t need to work on this house for free anymore,” she said, and then paused. “My dad doesn’t need you anymore.”
Those were the last words I expected her to say. She didn’t understand. Joe never needed me. I was the one who needed him for the last few years. Joe held out hope that one day Mallory would come to her senses and come back to me, but I was more realistic. She was only here now because of her father’s cancer. She hadn’t come back for me.
As much as I didn’t want to admit it, she was right. I didn’t have any business being around Joe anymore. Mallory was more than able to take care of him. So why was I still bound and determined to hang around? There was only one answer: I was still in love with Mallory Wells.
I swallowed hard, trying to make the thought go down with the bile rising in my throat. Mallory waited for me to say something, anything. Her eyes bore into mine and I worried I would say something crazy.
“I have to go,” I mumbled.
I drew my eyes away from hers but couldn’t help but pass a glance over her body. She wasn’t the young woman she’d been. She was a much more grown up version of herself.
“No way, Luke. You’re going to explain what you meant before, about my dad being sick for years,” she demanded.
“There’s nothing to explain. Joe’s had cancer since you were seventeen,” I said.
Her face fell. “He’s been suffering for years?” she whispered, her voice hoarse. “He never told me, Luke.” Her pretty blue eyes begged me to believe her. “He called me earlier this week and said it was a new development. All this time, I’ve been gone and he’s had cancer.”
I didn’t know what to say. I had thought she was selfish and only concerned about herself all this time, but Joe hadn’t even told her about his cancer. I could almost understand why he didn’t tell her. He wanted her to live a full life in Boston and not be plagued with the need to come home and take of him. He didn’t want her to have to see him when he went for his chemo treatments and watch his body all but disintegrate. But she had deserved to know, to make the decision herself.
Instead, he left the job of telling her the truth to me. He let my heart break over losing her and then break all over again when I realized he was going to die. Neither of them were going to be in my life once Joe died. Anger filled me; I wanted to kill Joe for putting Mallory through this hell now and for putting me through hell over the last few years. Lucky me, I wouldn’t have to kill him—the cancer would take care of that.
My thoughts were mean and hardened, but I couldn’t find room to care right away. I was furious with Joe. All this pain—his, hers, mine. It wasn’t fair. My heart broke as tears slipped down Mallory’s cheeks. She made no noise, though and I was helpless to do anything but stare as the tiny saltwater drops made their way down her face. I couldn’t move; I was frozen in place by my own bitterness. Joe would be the one who escaped this mess. He was the one got to embrace death while Mallory was going to have to live with the guilt she felt for the rest of her life.
And it was all because of me.
“I’m sorry, Mallory. I thought you knew,” I said softly, still unmoving.
Her head whipped up and her eyes flashed. “You thought I knew? You thought so little of me that you believed I would leave my dying father alone for all these years? You thought I was just some spoiled little girl running away from Daddy’s cancer? I didn’t know, and if I had, I would have stayed. I hope, though, that I would have had the good sense to dump you, even if I hadn’t gone to Boston. You’re a nothing, just like every generation of deadbeats before you. Get out of this house,” she demanded.
“Mal—”
“No! Just get out! I don’t want you anywhere near this house again! Stay away from us!” she screamed.
Her voice faltered and I made a move to give her a hug. I knew she was hurting and just lashing out at me. It was a kill the messenger scenario.
“Get out! Now!”
She pointed at the door and I realized she needed some time to cool down. I turned away and made my way back to my truck. Tomorrow she would come to her senses about having me around. She would change her mind. I was sure of it.