Chapter 26
Nothing I could have done, would have prepared me for this moment. Ben is standing three feet in front of me, looking as hot as ever with a clean-shaven face, hair gelled back and his mouth slightly parted. The outfit he is wearing makes my heart flutter around in my chest. He looks fantastic leaning against my doorway all spiffed up. The way his teal knit sweater clings to his muscular chest, contrasted by his brown bomber leather jacket, coupled with his dark wash jeans sitting perfectly on his hips, is enough to make me ache inside. But I remain as poised as possible and plaster on my best poker face to greet him with a cold, “How did you get in here?”
Ben clears his throat and blushes a bit, “I called your mother and she gave me the code to get into your building.”
Damn my mother and her crazy Ben obsession. How dare she!
“Oh really” I say unimpressed and lean against the doorway to block his view into my condo, “Well you should have called first, because I was just on my way out.”
“Oh” Ben sighs and runs his fingers through his dark hair. He pauses for a second, letting a moment of silence linger between us. He narrows his eyes at me and tilts his chin upward, “But even if I would have called you, you would have just ignored it. Isn’t that what you’ve been doing lately…purposely avoiding me?”
I blush a bit and look away, “I’ve avoided you for good reason,” I say and cross my arms in front of my chest.
Ben leans over and places his hand on the brass knob putting his face inches in front of mine, “Are you going to let me in or not?”
I gulp and step aside to let him walk through my doorway. He slides off his jacket and places it on the bench in the entry. He casually walks into the living room and flops down on my sofa in his usual spot, (the far left corner, which just happens to be the comfiest worn in cushion). He looks up at me with pursed lips and drapes his arm along the back of the sofa then pats the spot beside him. I roll my eyes and shake my head, stubbornly frozen in my foyer.
“Just say what you have to say Ben.” I snap, and then add, “Because I really have to get going.”
I can’t stand his casual demeanor. It’s like he has forgotten everything that happened in Costa Rica, and it’s like he just thinks all is well between us; when it clearly isn’t (at least from my perspective). More importantly, I just wish he would put me out of my misery and whip out the friend card, so I can tell him the idea of us being friends is no longer an option.
“Fine” Ben sighs, and nervously says, “Well first of all, Happy Birthday.”
“Thanks” I mutter tapping my foot impatiently on the floor.
“I’m really sorry for what happened at the wedding. That was totally out of line.” He gets up from the sofa, and starts to walk over to me.
“Thanks Ben, that’s just what I needed. A really nice apology,” I sarcastically say, “I still don’t know what you’re doing here. After everything that happened, you can’t actually think things will ever be the same between us. Besides, shouldn’t you be at The Berghoff on another date tonight?”
“What are you talking about?” Ben stops dead in his tracks, “Wait? How did you know I was at The Berghoff?”
“Michelle saw you!” I shout and suddenly start to feel the tears well up in the corners of my eyes.
Pull it together Megan! Do not let him see you cry! Not now! You were doing so well!
“I was out with my sister.” He calmly lets out a sigh and pushes back his broad shoulders.
“You’re lying to me! Just like you did about Stephanie!” I scream at him, and place my head in my hands. I wish I could just control myself. This spastic loose cannon approach to putting him in his place is not what I had planned at all when I imagined us coming face to face for the first time since things ended.
“Megan, calm down!” Ben shouts back with hurt behind his eyes, “I’m not lying to you. My sister lost like fifty pounds, remember? Michelle probably didn’t recognize her. But if she would have come over to our table, she would have known that. I took her out for dinner because I needed someone to talk to - about you.” He finishes and points his finger at me.
“Even if it’s that’s the case,” I say putting my hands rigidly to my hips, now completely unsure of what to believe and feeling slightly stupid, “It doesn’t matter anyway. It’s over and nothing will ever be the same between us. I just can’t be friends again.”
“Megan – “Ben pleads.
“I just can’t do it.” I mumble and cut him off. I make the mistake of looking up at him, only to feel a giant crocodile tear trickle down my cheek.
“Please don’t cry-” Ben softly says placing himself only a few inches in front of me. He gently wipes away my tear with the back of his thumb and pulls my head into his chest then whispers, “Believe me, I don’t want to be friends anymore either.”
I pull away and look up at him, both confused and anxious as to what he means. I feel a prickling sensation behind my knees as I stare directly into his dark brown eyes.
“Megan, I know in the past I said I didn’t believe in love and marriage and all that crap.” Ben sighs and continues, “But that’s because I had never been with someone I wanted all those things with. But when I’m with you, I want all those things.” He runs one hand through his hair and nervously bites his lip, “I love you.”
My heart is racing and I can barely breathe, let alone respond to Ben’s words. I try to muster something out, but no such luck. I am a surplus of emotions; thrilled, ecstatic, confused, you name it. I even wonder if this is all a dream and I secretly pinch myself when he isn’t looking, “Do you remember that New Year’s Eve at The Cove?”
I nod thinking to myself how could I forget? “Do you remember me asking you at the end of the night if you wanted me to come back to your apartment?”
“Yeah” I say feeling myself blush.
“That’s the night I knew I loved you.”
“Oh please” I grumble, looking down to the floor.
“Megan, stop.” Ben pleads, “Please hear me out.”
I roll my eyes, but he continues, “That night, you were so beautiful. I had never seen you look so amazing. I remember you wore a tight jean skirt with a black shirt. It was low in the front and haltered around your neck so you had a bare back. You were even wearing high heels, which was so unlike you.”
I am stunned that he actually remembered what I was wearing. Ben never pays attention to stuff like that. I suddenly feel all the tightness and tension drain from my body.
“I have always had feelings for you, but I thought they were because we were such good friends. But that night, when I saw other guys checking you out at the bar, I didn’t like it. I tried to see if maybe you were feeling the same way as I was, by making little gestures towards you all night, but you didn’t bite. Instead you shut me down twice, once in the bar and once out at the cab.”
“Why didn’t you just say something?” I ask.
“Megan did you not hear me? You shut me down all night and then shortly after that you started dating that douche bag Marco. You have never ever not had a boyfriend! When was I supposed to swoop in and tell you how I felt? Not to mention how you can be so intimidating and closed off at times that it makes you impossible to read. When I hooked up with Stephanie or any other girl for that matter, you were too busy off dating someone else to ever give a shit how I felt. What was I supposed to do? Stay celibate in hopes that one day you might love me as much as I loved you? Besides, that night with Stephanie, I was beyond drunk and I thought you wanted nothing to do with me. But trust me, if I had thought even for a second I had any type of chance with you, it would never have happened.”
Ben places his hand on my lower back, and I want to brush him away, but I don’t. Instead I feel the warmth from his hand radiating onto my skin and feel myself weaken to his touch as my breathing quickens.
He gently tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear, “That night, at Third Rail Tavern, I never had a date that stood me up. I invited you there on purpose, because I promised myself before we left that it would be the last time I would ever try and see if there was something more than friends between us. When I propositioned you with that coin toss, and you said yes, I couldn’t believe it. I knew once we did that, there was a chance it could ruin everything. But after it happened, it only confirmed I wanted to be with you so bad that I couldn’t keep on hiding how much I loved you, because being your friend just wasn’t good enough for me anymore.”
“You really love me?” I say and feel my heart pounding out of my chest.
“Megan, I love you so f*cking much that I can’t even imagine my life without you.” Ben’s expression lets me know that he truly loves me. It was written all over his face and the desperation in his voice only confirms that this is definitely not a lie. All I can think about is how much I love him too, “Since the day we met, you’ve always had my heart and I’ve always known you were the greatest thing to ever walk into my life. Any woman I have ever been with before you, was just a distraction until I could have the one woman I’ve always wanted. I swear to God Megan, that I have never wanted anything more in my life than to be with you. And I have never been more terrified in all my life as I am right now.”
I open my mouth slightly, because I can’t wait to shout out that I love him, but he interrupts.
“Wait. Before you say anything else, I have something I want to give you - for your birthday.” He pulls a small neatly wrapped box with a pink bow from the pocket of his jeans.
He hands me the gift, and without a word, I slowly unwrap it to find a tiny brown box, beneath all the cream colored wrapping paper and shiny pink ribbons. I look up at him, petrified of what might be in there, but he gives me a reassuring nod. I pry the box open to see a shiny 1952 George Washington quarter on a bed of tissue paper. I know exactly what significance this quarter holds, and I feel the tears well up in my eyes.
“I saved it.” Ben nervously says, “I want you to have it.”
I look at him, and feel the same way I did that night he took me turtle watching in Costa Rica. I love him, more than anything in the whole entire world, and I so badly want to kiss him.
“Megan, please say something. Tell me right now whether or not you feel the same way.” Ben begs taking one step closer and pushes his pelvis into my body. I can feel the warmth of his breath on my shoulders when he presses his nose against my forehead. He places his hand on my cheek and his touch is electric. It sends a tingling sensation up my spine and raises the hairs on my neck.
“I do.” I say and lock my eyes with his.
Ben lets out a huge sigh of relief. He moves his hand down from my cheek, and cups the back of my neck and places his other free hand firmly on my bottom. I tilt my head up to meet his lips and I swear I see fireworks go off in my condo when our mouths finally touch. I can’t believe this is happening; never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine us in this moment. I never ever thought for a second Ben would ever love me in any other way than a friend, or that I would ever be so lucky.
I grip him harder in my arms, and kiss him back, running my fingers through his thick dark hair. We stumble onto the sofa and my heartbeat quickens; my lips part as Ben passionately kisses me and thrusts his hips up against mine. He smells ridiculously good, but it is definitely not cologne. I’m thinking more body wash, or expensive shampoo. Whatever it is, it’s intoxicating and I am lost in him and this moment. My heart has accepted that he is my forever, and more importantly, that is exactly what my heart wants. When he yanks off my blazer, I also accept I am not going to Macy’s anytime soon, and the only birthday outfit I will be wearing tonight, is coincidently the one I was born with.
Ben flips me on top of him, and pulls me upright into a sitting position. He peels my shirt off from my body and flexes his hips, then slowly kisses down my neck and all along my shoulders. He smiles against my collarbone, and looks up at me and says, “This is it Megan. You are all I want. I love you.”
I smile inside and seductively whisper, “I love you too.”
Ben lips suction against mine and his hand covers my breast, while the other cups my bottom. I love his hands all over me. I love how he makes me feel and I love how hard he feels against my groin. He growls and runs his nose along my neck and whispers against my skin, “You smell incredible.”
I grab handfulls of his shirt and yank it over his head. His six pack is stunning as I run my hands along its ripples, “It’s been way too long.” Ben whispers, then with a naughty smirk says, “You’re gonna get it.”
His hands cup my face as he kisses me, strong, passionate and fierce. I run my fingers through his hair and feel the ache welling up inside me. Ben lifts me off of him, never letting his lips stray from my mouth and leans me back onto the sofa. He runs his hands down the sides of my body until he finds my knees and forces them apart. Oh my God the way he touches me sends chills up my spine. His hardness pressing between my legs, makes me crave nothing more than for him to be inside me.
Ben jerks off my pants and tosses them over the sofa. He slides my panties to the side and his hand wanders right there. Ben kicks off his jeans moving inside me with his fingers. He pulls away leaving my lips and making me throb between my legs. Our breathing is quick and heavy as Ben hovers over me and locks his soft brown eyes with mine. I lift my hips to meet his thrust and wrap my legs around his waist. Thrust after thrust and kiss after kiss everthing still feels surreal. I claw at his back when I climax and moments later he releases. He lets out a deep breath, still inside me and gently strokes my hair then kisses my forehead, “You’re my forever.”
I let out a sigh of happiness when Ben pulls out and slides against my side. I cuddle into him and feel his smooth bare chest on my warm skin. We lie together in a comfortable silence letting out breathing slow.
After a few short minutes, Ben sits up on the sofa and smiles “I want to take you out on a real date. How about tonight, for a birthday dinner?”
“Right now?” I ask still in an utter daze from our fantastic make-up sex. I glance at the clock on my wall, “It’s already quarter to eight and I have to be somewhere at nine.”
Ben strokes my bare legs with his fingers, “Where are you going?”
“Jessica made reservations at JBar. Do you want to come?” I ask.
“You bet I’m coming. I am not letting my sexy girlfriend out on the town without me.” Ben laughs, leans down and kisses my forehead. I love that he just called me his girlfriend and I smile from ear to ear.
Ben places his index finger on his chin, and taps it there for a few moments, “You know, if we leave right now and go for dinner, I am positive we will have more than enough time to meet up with everyone else at nine.”
“It’s almost eight o’clock. That’s not enough time.” I whine wiggling myself up on the sofa.
“It is more than enough time.” Ben insists and pulls me on top of him to straddle his naked body, then gently kisses me on the lips, “Now get up.”
“No” I laugh and wrap my arms around his neck, “Let’s just stay here. You can take me out on a real date anytime. I don’t want to be late. An hour is really not enough time. I still need to get ready.”
Ben crosses his arms in front of his smooth muscular chest, “Is that so?”
“Yes it is.” I say and kiss his cheek. Ben mischievously rips my arms out from around his neck, and starts playfully wrestling me. He tickles up and down my sides and forces me into the sofa.
“Stop it!” I shout, laughing hysterically and try to wiggle myself free.
“Not until you agree to have dinner with me.” He says.
“Fine! I will!” I laugh, but when I gain back my breath I scold him, “But we cannot be a minute late, so pick a restaurant somewhere close to JBar.”
“Done” Ben says, and rolls off of me to free me from his weight, “Now hurry up. Let’s go.” He leans over the sofa, picks up my jeans from the floor and tosses them at me with a huge grin.
Between Friends
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