But it was Papa who spoke. "That will do, Tom. It's a very nice doll."
Papa might say that, but I had an uncomfortable feeling my big brother was right. For his tenth birthday, Aunt Phyllis had sent a folding penknife with a mother-of-pearl handle, two blades, a corkscrew and a pair of scissors. Compared to that, what use was a doll?
Not for the first time, I wished I was a boy. My brother had toy soldiers and a train set, and when we visited our cousins at Carr Head, he was allowed to climb trees and go fishing and swimming in the river. And Mamma expected me to wait on Tom and fetch things for him. It wasn't fair.
***
It happened one evening a few weeks later. Papa had been called away to a patient, but the rest of us were in the parlour. It was cosy in the light of the oil lamps with the fire flickering: like being in a warm, red cave. It was peaceful too. Mamma was sewing up the hem of one of my frocks. I'd caught my foot in it when I'd been playing at railway train crashes, alone in my room, but Mamma didn't know that. Because she thought I'd been good, she'd brought Evelina down for me, having checked that my hands were clean. But I was itching to join Tom, squatting on the carpet in front of the brass fender, shooting marbles. I knew Mamma wouldn't approve, though.
The doorbell rang and a minute later Mary appeared to summon Mamma. With a sigh, she put down her mending.
As soon as she left the room, I said, "Let me play, Tom. I know what to do." I'd been secretly practising, doing it the right way, with the thumb, just as Tom said.
"Pooh, I doubt it. Girls can't play marbles."
I glared at him. He was always saying things like that. "Well, I can. Look, I'll show you." And I joined him on the floor.
When Mamma returned, Tom and I were in the middle of a fierce argument.
"I hit it, so it's mine," I said.
"No you didn't," said Tom.
"I did."
"Caw, caw, Miss Beaky!"
Tom knew that nickname annoyed me. He always said my nose looked just like a crow's beak.
"That will do!" said Mamma. "If you can't play without squabbling, the marbles will be put away." She didn't come back to her seat by the fire, but went over to her writing desk and started sorting through some papers.
She hadn't forbidden me to play marbles so I seized the disputed one, with a triumphant glare at my brother. Tom frowned but, glancing at Mamma, he didn't say anything. I knew he was angry, but I didn't care. At least he wasn't ignoring me.
We played on in silence, until at last Mamma closed the bureau lid. "Time for bed, Louisa. Make sure you pick up all your toys."
We started gathering up the marbles. I'd given up arguing about the unfairness of having to go to bed before Tom—I knew that Mamma would say: "When you are ten like Tom, you can stay up longer."
"What is your doll doing on the floor, Louisa?" Mamma's tone was sharp.
I started guiltily. I'd forgotten about Evelina. I picked her up. And then I saw it.
"Oh!"
"What's the matter?" Mamma bent to look.
One side of Evelina's face, the side that had been nearest the fire, had melted: from the corner of her eye, her face sagged in folds, her red cheek had slipped and her mouth was distorted into a grimace. Tom pushed in to look and I pressed Evelina to my chest. I didn't want him to see.
There was a horrible silence.
Mamma said, "Oh, Louisa, how could you be so careless! The doll is ruined. And it was so expensive."
She pried the doll out of my arms. Studying its face again, she shook her head. Then she said, more to herself than to me, "What will your aunt say?"
I started to cry. I didn't want Aunt Phyllis to suppose I was ungrateful. And what would Grace think of me?
Through my sobs, I watched Mamma, waiting for her to pronounce sentence.
At last she said to me, "Go to your room and wait for me to come."
As I went past Tom, unseen by Mamma, he stuck his tongue out at me, gloating.
In my bedroom, I waited for Mamma, wondering what my punishment would be. She came in looking grave, but she didn't mention Evelina. I undressed, washed and put my nightgown on, while Mamma watched. I said my prayers and climbed into bed, then waited to hear what my punishment would be.
"Tomorrow you will stay in your room. You can contemplate what your thoughtlessness has led to and resolve to be more careful in future."
I let out my breath. Not too bad.
Looking at me sadly, Mamma said, "Goodnight, Louisa." She didn't kiss me.
As soon as we were alone, I told Annabel what had happened.
"It's that stupid doll's fault. Fancy being made of wax."
I kissed Annabel's dear cloth face and hugged her until I fell asleep.
***
I stared at Evelina. Her black eyes, unblinking, stared back at me out of her ruined face. I sighed. What would Grace say if she could see her?
To distract myself from my uncomfortable thoughts, I looked about for something to do. Evelina and Annabel lay on the bed, side by side.
"Aren't you glad you've not got a lacy dress on?" I said to Annabel. "It would be so hard to keep clean."