Chapter Fourteen
Rachel’s heart was racing as she climbed out of her truck, and stood staring up at the Brooks brother’s home trying to get her courage together and walk in. They would all four be there, waiting for her as she had requested because that’s just how they were. She could feel the cold metal of the bracelet on her wrist, and she played with the tiny charms nervously.
The excitement in Rogan’s voice when he answered the phone and agreed to the meeting still left a burning feeling in her heart. Would he be just as enthusiastic when he found out what brought her here?
She wasn’t going to lie to herself. There was just as much excitement under her skin at the chance to see the four men as there was anxiety about facing them again. As she started toward the front porch, the screen door creaked open, and she looked up to find Sawyer and Rogan standing in the entryway with mile wide grins on their handsome faces.
Dark eyes followed her path as she took the steps carefully, hoping and praying the trembling in her knees wasn’t obvious. Her body flamed to life when Sawyer pushed past Rogan and met her in the middle, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her hair with a laugh.
“Good God, woman, I thought you would never come to your senses,” he said into her ear and Rachel felt tears burning her eyes.
He held her like a precious childhood toy that gave him comfort and security, clutching her to his chest tightly, but stroking his hands up and down her back at the same time. She couldn’t resist turning her face and pressing her nose against his throat to get a whiff of his strong masculine scent. She had missed him. Letting all of the love she had hidden away before flood through her now, she hugged him back without a word.
When he finally lifted his head and noted her watery expression, his coffee colored eyes filled with concerned. “Oh shit, did I hurt you, baby? I was just so glad to see you…I mean to see you here…with us…at our house…fu-ck!”
She patted his chest with one hand while using the other to brush a stray tear from her cheek. “I’m okay, cowboy. It’s just nice to know I was missed.”
He gave her his best cheeky grin and stepped back to give her some room to greet his brothers. Rogan was next to wrap her in his arms, hugging her almost as tightly as Sawyer had, and brushing a sweet kiss over her forehead.
“I missed you too, love.” he whispered, and she gave him her brightest smile, trying not to let her worry and fear show. Very shortly he would probably be rethinking that statement.
Rogan held the door to allow her through it, and she stepped inside and into Hudson’s waiting embrace. His was less comforting than Rogan and Sawyer’s had been, and she could see the hurt and confusion that lined his face. Hudson wasn’t quite as optimistic about her sudden appearance it would seem.
Rachel’s stomach flip-flopped. Rogan at least still had positive feelings toward her, but it was possible this baby was Hudson’s and not Rogan’s. If that was the case, would the tension always remain between them?
Sensing her hesitation, Hudson gave her a half smile that she assumed was supposed to alleviate her fears, but actually just sent a shaft of pain through her heart. “Welcome back, Rachel.”
It killed her that she had been the one to steal Hudson’s smile. The sweet romantic man, who had trusted her, now looked down at her like she was a predator on a mission to rip his throat out. It would be a terrible loss for the world if he never regained his happy jovial self.
“Thank you for the gifts,” she murmured, and his eyes dropped to her wrist. She had hoped to see a spark of something there, but he just nodded and kept is face eerily blank.
A shiver of nerves skittered down her spine, and she wrapped her arms around her body. When she turned away from Hudson she realized that Parker wasn’t there waiting in line to greet her. In fact, he wasn’t in the living room at all. Tossing a curious look at Rogan, she was even more stymied when he just reached for her hand to draw her into the kitchen.
Parker was there seated at the table with a cup of coffee in his hands and a blank look on his face. His eyes surveyed her from top to bottom, taking her in, and she knew he noted the physical changes to her body from her weight loss as well as the dark circles under her eyes. A glint of irritation sparked in the brown depths of his gaze, and she struggled to maintain eye contact as she moved into the room.
“Parker,” she said, wanting desperately to say more, but not really knowing what to say.
He gave her a nod, “Rachel. You haven’t been taking care of yourself.”
She let out a sharp laugh and shook her head. “I’m taking care of myself just fine, thank you for your concern.”
Turning she met the eyes of each of the other three before she spoke, “Look, something has…well…umm…can we just take a seat so we can talk?”
Rogan nodded, but a wary look crossed his eyes. “Sure, Rach,”
Once everyone was seated, she stared down at her hands clasped together on the table, unsure of how to start. Sawyer came to her rescue, reaching out from next to her, and placing his hand over the top of hers. It brought back memories of the first time he had made love to her on this very table and she felt her pu-ssy clench with desire. Would there ever be a time these guys didn’t turn her on just by their proximity?
Taking a deep breath, she looked up and met Rogan’s eyes, and then shifted her gaze to Hudson’s. They were the two who would ultimately be affected the most by this news.
“I owe you all an apology and an explanation,” she said, and she was reassured when Hudson gave her a small smile of encouragement. Clearly she had chosen the right route. “I ran scared two months ago. You four got under my skin, and I didn’t know how to handle it. Unfortunately, I handled it very badly.”
“We forgive you, baby, just so long as the next time you have a meltdown you promise to come and talk to us instead of running away,” Sawyer said, drawing her hand to his lips. She bit her lip at his enthusiastic response.
“I appreciate that, Sawyer, but I’m not finished yet. When you guys ran into me at the bar that night I was looking for a one night stand with a stranger, not a weekend tryst with four friends and neighbors that I had fantasized about since I was in high-school.”
“Since high-school, really? Dayum, Rach, you should have said something sooner!” Rogan teased with a wink.
“Please don’t joke yet, Rogan. You see, you guys invited me back here and I should have said no based on our friendship alone, but I couldn’t. My own wounded pride over Mitch and Connie, and lust, clouded my judgment.”
Parker shifted in his seat, and Rachel could tell he was agitated. He was barely keeping his temper in check. She better hurry this up.
“Once I was here, you guys made me feel like I was someone special and I loved every moment. I purposely kept my distance emotionally because I knew it would hurt to leave, and believe me, it did. I should have stuck around and explained things to you guys, but I wasn’t even being honest with myself yet. When my father left my mother for another woman, it cut a really big scar into my heart, and I’ve let that affect my decisions since I was eight years old. I pushed you away because I just knew there was no way I was woman enough for all four of you, and once you four realized it, you were bound to leave me.”
“What the hell, Rachel? Not once did any one of us give you any reason to think we would hurt you. We did our best to show you how much we wanted you, and how much we were already in love with you,” Parker said in a low hard voice, making Rachel’s heart ache and her stomach twist even more.
“I know that now, but at the time I didn’t see it.”
“So why are you here all of a sudden with a different outlook? You haven’t even bothered to accept a phone call or wave hello since you ran out of here that day, what changed?” His dark gaze penetrated her skin and went straight to her soul. She could feel him picking through her brain and it was making her fidgety.
Parker’s words had ensnared all three of his brothers, and the foursome was now looking at her silently, expecting an answer.
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered.
In that instant, the world shifted. She watched Parker’s jaw clench and his eyes go blank, Hudson’s face drained of blood while Rogan’s lit up with an ear to ear smile, and Sawyer crowed with pleasure. “Are you serious, Rachel? Oh my God, that’s amazing!”
“I’m going to be a father? That’s the best news, I mean, Sweet Jesus! I don’t know how to be a dad—” She had to look away from Rogan and Sawyer’s obvious excitement, because she realized Hudson hadn’t told his brothers they had had unprotected sex. Rogan had, but Hudson had kept it quiet.
Hudson cleared his throat, and leaned back in his chair. “Ro, I think you better slow down.”
“Why? Bro, I’m going to be a dad!” Rogan said, standing and hurrying around the table to pull Rachel up into his arms. He wrapped her tightly against his chest, and cupped her cheek, “I know you’re probably scared, but this is fantastic news, Rach. I’m so…I just…thank you, love, for this precious gift.”
“Rogan, stop,” she said, pushing at his chest. He let go reluctantly, his body tightening with concern at her tone. “Rogan, you weren’t the only one I had an accident with.”
“The baby could be mine, Rogan,” Hudson said quietly from the other side of the table. His elbows were braced on it, and his fingers were buried in his curly black hair so he wasn’t even looking at her. Not a good sign.
Rogan looked from her to Hudson and back. His eyes were confused and wary. “Okay, so what’s the big deal?”
She felt her mouth fall open in shock. Hell, her chin probably had a bruise from landing on the floor so hard. “Rogan, this baby might be your brother’s baby. I won’t know who the father is until after it’s born.”
Rogan’s face relaxed into a smile, and his hands came up to cup her cheeks again, holding her head still so she had to look into his eyes. “Rachel, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care which one of the four of us fathered the baby, as long as you are its mother. Why don’t you understand that?”
To say she was stunned was an understatement. Flabbergasted, emotionally bereft, lost in a sea of confusion and shock, but not just stunned. She stared at the oldest of the four Brooks brothers, taking in the laugh lines around his smile, and the short ends of his dark brown hair that curled over his ears waiting for a trim. His large hands held her face firmly, but his touch was gentle, as though he held a butterfly between his fingers.
She couldn’t grasp it in her brain. He really truly didn’t care whose child she carried, because he knew it belonged to his bloodline. What a remarkable man he was turning out to be. She gave him a smile, and accepted the sweet kiss he brushed over her lips, before turning back to face the fire with Hudson and Parker who still sat stoically at the head of the table. He was as still and silent as a meditating monk, but the tick of a muscle in his jaw gave him away. Emotions were clearly not as calm on the interior as they seemed to be on the exterior.
Hudson looked torn between joy and sheer terror, but since she could relate to both of those emotions she waited a few moments for him to process before she addressed him.
“Hudson, how do you feel?”
He started to shake his head, and then abruptly stopped and stood. Moving slowly around the table, he stopped in front of where she stood with her back pressed to Rogan’s chest. “Rachel, I’ve known for nearly four years that my body wanted you, but until you were here under our roof, and in my bed, I didn’t know how much my soul wanted you. Any child that is part of you is welcome and wanted in my life, whether the baby is half mine or half Rogan’s by blood.”
Rachel nearly wept as Hudson opened his arms to her. The two men she had been most frightened of their reactions, were happy and content to take on the responsibility of a child. That left Parker who seemed to have shut down on them. Forcing herself just to enjoy the bliss of the moment, she began answering the questions Hudson, Rogan, and Sawyer started peppering her with.
“When is the due date?”
“Next winter.”
“Have you called the doctor? Is the baby healthy?”
“Yes and yes, as far as they can tell from blood work.”
“When will you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”
“Not for a while I guess. I don’t know, I’m new to this too. Look, I have my first real OB appointment in a couple of weeks, and you’re both welcome to go with me, but there are a few more things to work out.”
“Like what?” Rogan asked.
“Well now that I know you want to keep it—”
Sawyer scoffed, and Hudson and Rogan looked horrified, “Did you really think we wouldn’t?”
Rachel shrugged, “To be honest, I didn’t know what to expect. I hoped you would be excited, but seeing as how none of us planned to be parents right now, well, I just didn’t know.”
“We’re keeping it,” Rogan snapped, looking disgusted that she would have even thought about an alternative.
“Fine, so we’ll need to talk about the medical bills, because to be honest I’m not sure how I’ll afford them, and what we’re going to name the baby, and how we’re going to work out visitation and custody.”
The temperature in the room suddenly dropped twenty degrees and Rachel would have sworn she could see her own breath. All four men now looked at her with anger and frustration.
Rogan jumped in first with both feet. “Rachel, you don’t need to concern yourself with the bills. We are more than well off, and we will handle the costs, whatever they may be. Custody is a moot point because you and the baby will be living here. As for the name—”
“What? Wait, no, you can’t just decide that for me!”
Rogan shook his head and barreled on, “We’ll need to get busy planning a wedding, and getting your place packed up.”
“Wait a second, married? What are you talking about?” Rachel’s head began to spin.
“But who is she going to marry, bro? I mean there are four of us, and she can only be legally married to one of us.” Sawyer was speaking to Rogan, not to Rachel, and she began to feel like she was having an out of body experience. She could see herself standing in the middle of them gaping like a fish.
“It only makes sense she marry me because I’m the oldest. It doesn’t really matter what the legal paperwork says, because she would be married in spirit to all of us. Right, love?”
The look on Rogan’s face was one of determination, and her stomach rolled. She clenched her jaw together, slapping her hand over her mouth. She was stunned when Parker sprang out of his chair and bundled her up into his arms, before she could blink they were in the bathroom, and he was holding her hair as she emptied her stomach into the toilet. Not particularly graceful, but an unfortunately common occurrence for the last four weeks or so.
When she eased back onto her heels, feeling weak and trembly, Parker let go of her hair to get a glass of water and a washcloth. Tears were rolling down her cheeks as she sat on their bathroom floor feeling overwhelmed. How could she possibly explain to them that she needed more time to make decisions?
Hudson and Rogan were both happy about the news and wanted to marry her, but what did she actually feel? Sure, she was excited at the prospect of holding her and their child in her arms. But was she ready to commit to living and raising a child with them? Sawyer even seemed over the moon about it and it wasn’t even his child. Weren’t they even a little afraid, or disappointed that it happened this way? Maybe even angry that things weren’t resolved first?
“It will all work out you know.”
Parker. Her port in the storm. She could look to him to hold it together, and yet, when she looked up into his eyes all she saw was quiet ambivalence. Did he really feel the same way his brothers did, or did he think she got pregnant on purpose?
“Of course it will. Perhaps not like they hope, but it will all work out.” She tried to sound confident, but her insides were still squirming and she knew if she tried to stand up right now her legs wouldn’t hold her.
“How do you hope it will work out, Rachel? When you came here today, what was it you wanted from us?” Parker asked. He didn’t move a muscle. He just sat there, staring at her in that deeply penetrating way that made her feel naked and vulnerable.
Rachel clenched her eyes shut, but tears stilled slipped from under her eyelids. What did she want exactly?
“I suppose I wanted acceptance, joy, support, I don’t know,” she whispered the words because they scared her.
Parker gave a small nod, and then sighed heavily. “Rachel, the day you left…we…well…let’s just say it was rough. I apologize for pushing you so hard that morning, but I thought if we showed you how it could be with us…ah well hindsight is 20/20 right? I want to understand, Rachel, and I truly want to be happy for you and Rogan…or Hudson, but I have to know how you feel about this. Did you come back here to build a relationship, or just to pass along the news?”
“I just don’t want to get hurt.”
Parker’s jaw ticked, and his nostrils flared, “Why are you so sure any of the four of us would hurt you?”
Shame flooded through her, but she didn’t respond. What was she supposed to say? All men hurt their women at some point, so I may as well avoid men altogether. This whole situation was blowing up in her face because of her own issues, and she wasn’t sure how to handle it from here on out.
“Can I have a minute to clean up in private.”
For just a moment it looked like Parker was going to refuse, but he vanished out the bathroom door without another word, leaving her crying on the bathroom floor at her own selfish nature and ridiculous fears.
****
Nearly ten minutes passed before Rachel emerged from the bathroom with tear stained cheeks, and dull saddened eyes. Hudson held his hand out to her, but she pretended not to notice it as she took a seat in one of the single chairs, keeping some space between her and the four of them. It hurt that she was still scared of them, and Hudson was beginning to think things would never be okay again.
“I just want to say a couple of things,” Rachel’s voice was stronger than her eyes, and Hudson held his breath waiting for her to drop the hammer, “I have deep feelings for you guys, all four of you, but I’m not ready to get married and move in here. And just for the record that was the shittiest proposal I’ve ever heard of. Yes, I’m pregnant, but that doesn’t mean I have to make rash decisions. If you four can forgive me for running away from you, I can promise you that I won’t pull a stunt like that again without talking to you first. I don’t know if this is forever, but…”
Hudson planned on Rachel being his wife, but she was right. She deserved more than an assumed marriage proposal. He wanted to give her wine and candlelight and rose petals when they asked her to marry them, but more importantly, he wanted to see love and not hesitation in her eyes when they did it.
“Forever is what we want with you, Rachel, but if you need a little more time we’ll give it to you,” Sawyer said, and Hudson nodded his agreement along with Parker and Rogan.
For the first time Rachel gave them an honest smile, and relief glowed from her eyes. “Thank you, that’s all I can ask.”
The group came back to life as Rogan grumbled to Parker about their marriage proposal being the shittiest versus practical, and Sawyer went to Rachel, pulling her up into his arms for a hug. His attempts to kiss her were thwarted and she groaned. “Not a chance! I just spent the last few minutes throwing up.”
Sawyer looked disgruntled, and Hudson smacked his arm, “Bro, go get her a toothbrush from the medicine cabinet. She will kiss you when she’s clean.”
Rachel giggled as Sawyer headed off in search of the requested toothbrush, and Hudson took her hand. “Are you having a lot of morning sickness, honey?”
“Some, but it’s not always in the mornings. I seem to get sick to my stomach every time I get emotional, and every time I smell eggs,” she answered, letting him pull her against his chest. He buried his nose into her hair, deeply inhaling the sweet scent that was all her own, and sighed with pleasure when she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him back.
“I guess that means I’m not cooking breakfast for you in the morning,” Sawyer said, coming back in and handing her a brand new toothbrush.
“I can’t stay the night tonight, guys. I have a meeting tomorrow morning at eight with the Rafts. Randal finally signed the paperwork with me to sell their place, and I need to go over and work out an open house schedule.”
Hudson nodded, and kissed her forehead. “That’s okay, honey, we understand. But we would like you to spend more time out here at the ranch. Hopefully someday you’ll feel like this is your home too. Now, when did you say that first doctor’s appointment was?”