Fortunately, Danes do not have a monopoly on teaching empathy. Recently, there was a story about a group of sixth graders learning to bridge political divides after the US election. The Millennium School, an independent and progressive school in the heart of San Francisco, and one of the most progressive institutions in the US, found students loudly voicing their disagreement in distress and disbelief on 9 November 2016 when shown footage of Trump supporters talking. But when the teachers showed the footage again, without the volume, the students noticed the fear, anger and sorrow in the supporters’ faces and responded with empathy towards their fellow human beings – and this provided a different starting point for understanding why voters voted as they did.
The Danish education system is far from perfect, but I think there are several things we can take away from it. A focus on empathy and collaboration is one thing, but equally important is the understanding that success does not have to be a zero-sum game. Just because you win, it does not mean that I lose.
Education systems that rank their students are teaching them that success is a zero-sum game. If you do well, it undermines someone else’s opportunities. But happiness should not be like this.
In fact, it is one thing that does not become smaller when it is shared. In Denmark, the students are not ranked. And the kids do not receive formal grades until eighth grade. Instead, there is a teacher–parent conversation about the child’s development, academically, socially and emotionally, each year.
Despite the fact that the Danish education system focuses on life skills as well as maths and reading, this does not mean that Danish children do badly when it comes to academic skills. In the latest PISA (Programme for International Student Assessment) Survey (2015), which measures the academic performance of children in more than 70 countries, Danish pupils scored 511 in maths, while the scores were 492 in the UK and 470 in the US. For reading, the scores were: Denmark, 500; the UK, 498; and the US, 497.
Teaching our kids teamwork, social skills, collaboration, empathy and trustworthiness does not have to come at the expense of academic skills. Also, we may need to teach employers that trust is good for the bottom line of the company.
Source: PISA (Programme for International Student Assessment) Survey (2015)
TRUST IS CHEAP
For people working in organizations in which there is little trust, work is often associated with words like ‘control’, ‘monitor’, ‘check up’ and ‘bureaucracy’, with rules and regulations.
‘We are supposed to register on our handheld device when we go in through the door, and the moment we leave. That way it is noted exactly how long the visit has lasted,’ explains Pia, a public-sector care-giver to the elderly, explaining how a shift in working practices in Copenhagen has transformed her work.
Previously, her visits to the elderly were planned, broken down into different tasks with a specific time allotment for each task. Eye drops (five minutes), help to use the toilet (ten minutes), help to get up and to eat (ten minutes). There were seventy individual tasks, and the clock would be ticking.
‘All the time, you were working with the handheld computer and focusing on how long the specific tasks should take.’
In 2011, the city of Copenhagen ran a pilot project to test how a trust-based system would work, compared to ‘the minute tyranny’, as it was called. Instead of spending time on entering the things you’d done, the time should be spent helping the person you were looking after. Instead of being told what to do and how long it should take, the employee should figure out what to do, in collaboration with the person they were caring for.
‘We should not control the employees. It is the care-givers who have the insight to evaluate what is needed during the visit,’ said Mayor Ninna Thomsen.
The pilot project was a huge success. It didn’t cause an increase in expenditure, and employee satisfaction soared. It has now been spread to the care-giving sector across the entire district and has led to the trust reform of the public sector in Copenhagen. The city is now shifting its focus away from rules, bureaucracy and reporting requirements to the question of what is best for citizens and how each employee can deliver greatest value. Managers and employees are assessed on the basis of feedback from citizens rather than through processes, monitoring and reports.
‘Today, there is a belief that we can evaluate what the senior citizen needs,’ explains Pia, who now experiences greater work satisfaction. She is not alone. Employee satisfaction has risen, and sick days are down. ‘Before, you did what you had been told to do – and then you rushed out the door. Today, you can focus the service on the client, provide it if they need something else. Today, it is more free.’
HAPPINESS TIP:
TURN COMPETITION INTO COOPERATION
Change games of competition into games of cooperation by reconfiguring rules and goals.
In order to teach our kids the value and fun of cooperation over competition, perhaps we could tweak some classic games. We all know the game musical chairs, right? Ten kids; nine chairs; when the music stops you find a chair; if you don’t find one, you are out; one chair is removed each round, until there are two people and only one chair. So, basically, a mild version of Hunger Games for people who really like to sit.
This game also teaches our kids how to fight over scarce resources. And if you are one of the first to go out, you get to stand and watch the game instead of taking part. FUN! How about we turn it into a game of cooperation? We still start with ten kids and nine chairs but, when the music stops, we all sit – two kids share one chair. Well done. Now, we remove one chair but all the kids stay in the game. The music stops, and this time two chairs must seat two kids each. You get the picture. At the end, all ten kids try and fit on one chair together. Instead of teaching them how to compete, we teach them how to cooperate.
FIVE WAYS TO ENCOURAGE EMPATHY IN KIDS
1. WALK AND NARRATE: Go for a walk and look for someone in a grey jacket (or whatever you decide). Once you have identified such a person, spend the rest of the walk talking about what you imagine their life is like, based on how they look.
2. DRAW: Draw a face in the middle of a sheet of paper expressing joy, anger, sorrow or some other emotion, then draw what would make the person feel like that.
3. PLAY: ‘Feeling of the Week’: Select a feeling, draw or write it on a Post-it and stick it on the fridge. Then, all week, ask your child to point out this particular feeling when they spot it in themselves or in others.
4. GESTURES: Stand in front of a mirror. Put your arms behind your back and talk, then use your arms to make gestures expressing what you were saying. (This can also be played with two people, where one does the talking and the other the gestures.)
5. MUTE: Play one of your kids’ favourite films but with the sound off. Talk about the facial expressions you see, what they mean and why the characters may feel this way.
THE ARMS RACE: BEAUTY AND BRAINS
‘What are you here for today?’ the picture-perfect receptionist asks me.
To fully understand the importance of trust and cooperation, we need to visit one of the most competitive countries.
I am in Seoul – the plastic surgery capital of the world – in Gangnam district, which is also known as the Improvement Quarter or the Beauty Belt because of the five hundred clinics here (including Cinderella, Reborn and the Centre for Human Appearance). The clinic I am standing in is seventeen storeys tall and there is a Ferrari parked right in front of the entrance. It’s red. Obviously.