Chapter 31
“I had tons of fun today. I’ll see you when I get back from my trip, okay?” I cringe at the lie, hoping Maddie can’t hear the guilt in my voice. At first she’s quiet on the other end of the line, my body rocking as I wait for her to call me on the carpet. “You have a blast at your slumber party tonight, okay?”
“I will. It’s going to be sooo much fun!” She giggles, and the sound warms my heart because she’s taking baby steps to normalcy. And I fear if she finds out I’m sick, it’ll knock her back some. “Fly safe with angels. And call me lots if you can! Love you, Haddie Maddie.”
“I will,” I say, thinking of the only angel I need looking out for me. “Love you more, Maddie Haddie.”
“Hearts and heels.”
I catch the sob that threatens with her comment and fortunately am able to suppress it. “Hearts and heels, baby girl.”
The phone clicks, and I gasp out when I remove the hand I’m holding over my mouth. I slide down the wall, my phone clattering to the ground beside me as I fight the range of emotions that are on constant recycle today.
I hate lying to Maddie, even if I’m doing it with her best interests in mind. But it still sucks telling her I’m going on a business trip tomorrow when in fact I’m going in for surgery. I don’t want her scared or worried. I want her to be the little girl slowly healing, learning to live again without her mommy.
It was Becks’s idea to tell her I was going on a trip. He had asked to tag along on our girl day last week of Chuck E. Cheese’s, pedicures, new strappy sandal shoe shopping, and ice cream on the boardwalk. When Maddie had asked why Nana had to take her to her Girl Scout’s meeting next week, I drew a blank. My mind was so busy focusing on all the details of the Scandalous deal I’d just signed and how I was going to manage it while going through treatment that she caught me off guard.
And that was when Becks stepped up and informed her he was taking me on a trip to spoil me. Maddie had been so excited at the prospect of me flying on an airplane that the topic had dominated the rest of the conversation.
I sigh and lean my head back, settling into my last few moments of solitude before Becks comes over. I close my eyes and enjoy the smile that comes so easily at the thought of him. He’s provided humor during the tedious hours waiting between pre-op blood work, endless scans, and other appointments. He’s held me while I cried on the few nights when the fear settled in before sexing me up so damn good that I’m so tired I don’t even have the strength to summon the emotion again.
And he’s shared his mom’s homemade chocolate chip cookies with me.
Now, that’s serious.
My smile spreads wider now, my body warming at the thought of him, heart swelling and psyche so glad I let him in the ring because I’m so lucky to have him with me for this fight.
I love him.
The thought still stuns me … how easy it is to feel it, to accept it, when I did nothing but push it away.
And it’s so much easier to focus on that these last couple days than it is my surgery tomorrow. I’m handling it well—the freak-outs far and few between—but the fear is still there, the worry a constant presence.
Becks calls them my shadow—fear and worry—and he’s even made a game of it to try to make me laugh and ease my mind. Anytime we’re outside where my shadow is present, he positions himself so that he steps on it. At first I thought he was crazy, but then we started making a game of it: two crazy people walking erratically down Santa Monica pier in some weird competition, screeching and laughing every time he’d try to stomp and I’d evade him at the last minute. I was well in the lead of the stomp-to-nonstomp ratio when we reached the end of the pier.
Then Becks grabbed my arm, pulled me into him, and caught my lips with his. It was a kiss that rivaled no other with the sun above us, the sounds of the amusement park around us, and the taste of saltwater taffy on his tongue. And when he started laughing, his lips breaking from mine, I looked at him to figure out what exactly was so funny. He just quirked an eyebrow and looked down to where he was standing on my shadow.
Stomping out fear and worry thoroughly with his tennis shoes.
“I win,” he said, flashing me a devilish grin.
I shiver in delight, remembering how great it was to lose to Beckett Daniels. Who can argue with a man who takes you home to have a romantic dinner of McDonald’s hamburgers on a checkered blanket on the balcony? Handy thing that blanket turned out to be when he decided to have his way with me after we played truth or dare staring at the stars in the sky. The best part of the night besides the obvious was that he promised next time I’d get his mom’s homemade lasagna.
He must really love me.
I smile at the thought, and when I pull my head from the memory, I realize that my hand is worrying the charm on my new necklace back and forth. The necklace that appears to be interlinking chains with a heart-shaped padlock for a charm. The one I received two days ago with a card that said Clank, clank.
I guess I’m just like my mom after all, worrying my charm over my chain, but my shadow has been stomped out by Becks, so all I have left to cling to, besides hope, is this—my love and all of the people who love me.
As I begin to laugh into the empty silence of my house, I realize that for so long I feared how lonely Lexi must have felt facing this battle. It was her body against this terrible disease … but after these past two weeks, after letting Becks in so he can love me, I realize that she was anything but alone. She had an army of supporters who loved her dearly, just as I could if I let people know—and the thought comforts me to no end.
First the surgery and then telling people. Baby steps.
I’ve found peace for the first time in a long while with my sister’s death. Maybe it’s Becks’s presence, maybe it’s tomorrow’s surgery—I don’t know—but I do know that there is a sense of calm now within the painful tumult in my soul that had been missing.
I hang my head down and just let the laughter come freely.
“Now, that’s the best sound in the world.”
I lift my head up to find Becks leaning against the doorjamb of my bedroom, jeans on and a shirt unbuttoned at the collar and with the cuffs rolled up. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the sight of him standing so comfortably in my bedroom, nor will it ever get old. And I’m so used to my relaxed and casual man that I forget how stunning he looks when he’s out of his beloved board shorts. Although I quite like the lack of shirt that often accompanies the shorts, this look also gets my motor running. I scrape my eyes at a leisurely pace up his body and take in that disarming smile of his before meeting his eyes.
“I forgot how nice you clean up, Country.” My smile widens as he steps forward and squats down on his haunches in front of me.
“And there’s no chance in hell I could forget how beautiful you are.”
“Smooth, Mr. Daniels, very smooth.”
He leans forward and presses a soft kiss to my lips in a move that awakens the other five percent of my body that his presence alone didn’t spark to life. I slide my tongue between his lips and bring my hands up to the base of his neck when he drops to his knees to deepen the kiss.
“Hmm,” he hums in protest as he drags his lips from mine. “I’d love to continue this, but we have somewhere we need to be right now.”
I shake my head and meet his eyes, confusion flooding through me. This is my last night before surgery, and we’d agreed to spend it snuggling together, eating junk food before my midnight cutoff time and then staying up to talk before leaving for the hospital.
“I thought we’d agreed—”
“We did,” he says with a smirk before pressing a kiss to my forehead and then standing up. He reaches a hand out to me to help me stand. “But I lied. Stand up, pretty lady. You’ve got twenty minutes to get ready so that we’re not late.” I look up at him, our hands clasped and hearts joined, and I see so much more than a handsome man.
I see my future.
He pulls me up off the ground. I lean in for a kiss and am handily turned so that he can swat me on the backside. “No funny stuff, Montgomery. There’s plenty of time for that later. Hurry that fine ass of yours up, Your Highness. Your chariot awaits you.”
I roll my eyes and snort at the regal tone he uses. “I’m the furthest thing from a princess you’ll find,” I say as I walk toward my closet, our hands remaining in each other’s until our arms stretch so far, they slip apart.
“I beg to differ,” he says, his eyes following me like he doesn’t want to take them off me.
“Well, then, that makes you my knight in shining armor.” I raise an eyebrow at him, knowing he’ll argue immediately.
His mouth curls up at one corner, and he laughs. “Wanna see my sword?”
“Only if you know how to use it, sir.”
“Oh, I like the sound of that”—he raises his eyebrows at me—“and we both know I can use it.”
I can’t help laughing as I cross the distance and press a kiss against his lips, way too happy for a girl who’s going in tomorrow for a mastectomy. But Lex’s parting words echo in my ears.
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
And I waste very little as I get dressed, not wanting the night to slip away too quickly since tomorrow is D-day. I’m not sure what he’s up to, but I’m secretly excited. As much as we’d agreed tonight was going to be low-key, a part of me is grateful that whatever Becks is doing, he’s trying to make my last night as a whole me special somehow.
Just as he’s tried to make every moment of the entire past few weeks count.
Or maybe I’m wrong. Is Becks really making things special just because of what’s happening tomorrow or is this just how Becks is in a relationship? Either way, I’m the lucky one on the receiving end of it.
When I’m finished, I go into the family room to find it empty and him nowhere in sight. “Becks?” I call, but there’s no answer.
I look in the kitchen and then turn the corner when the fading dusk through the open front door catches my eye. I walk toward it, curious what the heck is going on. When I step through it, my hand flies to my mouth to cover a gasp that can’t be muffled.
I have to do a double take to make sure of what I’m seeing is real.
Yep. Sure is.
Becks is standing beside a carriage, complete with horses and a coachman, a grin plastered on his face. “Your carriage awaits.”
I notice neighbors out on their lawns, admiring the sight as I walk toward him—more than flustered—trying to process what in the hell he’s doing. “What are you …” My words trail off as one of the horses neighs.
“If you’re going to fight the fight, City, you need to arrive in style.” I can see the pride in his eyes over thinking this up, and I immediately melt at his thoughtfulness.
“Princesses don’t wear boxing gloves,” I tease him as I take his outstretched hand, still in awe.
Becks tugs on my hand and pulls me into him so that our bodies connect. “This princess does.” He presses a soft kiss to my lips. “Hearts and heels, Montgomery. Hearts and heels.”
“Where are you taking me?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Becks taunts before brushing another teasing kiss on my lips like he’s been giving me here and there. I’m snuggled up next to him, his arm pulling me in close, as we cruise under an entirely different horsepower from what we’re used to.
The occasional silence between us is comfortable as we both get lost in our thoughts about tomorrow. My curiosity is also in major overdrive, considering my hospital bag sits in front of us, telling me we’re not returning home, but at the same time where we are going is unknown. Becks knows the suspense is killing me, and he’s quite enjoying watching me squirm.
The sky fades to black as we travel, passengers in nearby cars staring as they pass us, but I don’t notice the fast-paced Los Angeles world because I’m so busy noticing the man at my side.
Because this girl’s learned that slow and steady is most definitely the way to go.
“We’re here!” he announces unexpectedly as the carriage turns into the driveway of an unassuming business park. I glance around at the empty office buildings complete with industrial roll-up garage on one side and a small front office with an entry door right next to it.
“Becks?”
“No questions,” he says with a raise of his eyebrows and a devilish grin on his face. “Let’s go.”