Chapter Forty
HANNAH STOPPED IN FRONT OF me, the music growing louder and people moving around to get some shade under the tent. The party was officially in full swing with people drinking beers and sodas while they munched on appetizers scattered around the various tables.
“So. You’re still here.” Her smile reminded me of a reaction to biting into a fresh lemon.
“Yes, I’m still here. But I’m leaving.” I glanced around, but no one seemed to be paying us much attention anymore. Mack was watching from a safe distance with Ian, making me want to stick my tongue out at him for being such a chicken shit and leaving me to deal with her alone. He would pay later, and it wouldn’t be pretty.
“You’re leaving? Really?” She went from bitchy to cheerful just like that. “Oh, wow, such a bummer.” Her words came out in a rush. “When are you going?”
“Tomorrow. I have work and stuff to get back to.”
She nodded, pretending to go all concerned and serious on me. “Yeah, sure, of course you do. Wouldn’t want all that work stuff to get backed up on you. That’s just extra work, right? Plus you could lose your job. Get fired and all that. That’d be terrible, losing your job.”
“If I got fired it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, actually.” Her complete happiness about me leaving her alone with my husband made me mad enough to say the words I’d been toying around with. And as soon as they left my mouth I knew they were true. Picturing myself not working at the firm anymore brought me relief. I realized in that moment that the only thing I would miss about being a lawyer in West Palm Beach would be Ruby.
“In this economy?” She scoffed. “You can’t be serious. I had to take a job at the diner just to keep my apartment.” She looked around casually but stopped as soon as she saw Mack. The wattage channeled through her grin threatened to take out the town’s electricity.
“Mack’s apartment, you mean.” I managed a tight smile.
She turned back to me. “Oh, that’s right. Silly me. I’m living with Mack now. We’ve been together since …,” she looked up at the sky, doing her very complicated math, “… Months now. Months and months. It’s been great. He’s so handy to have around.” She leaned in and whispered conspiratorially. “And sexy too, right? Especially when he walks around in his skivvies.”
I took a step back to keep myself from doing something stupid to her face. “Hannah, I think Boog wants you.” I looked around desperately for the man-bear-pig. If someone didn’t come over here soon and rescue me, things were liable to get ugly. Primal urges were sneaking up on me that I’d never met before. Caveman-level shit. I was almost ready to tear eyeballs out.
“Boog?” She rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t want me. He just wants to harass me about something.”
“What’s up with you guys, anyway? Did you date before or something?”
She snorted and then laughed loudly, sounding disturbingly like a braying donkey. “I may be country, Angie, but I don’t date kin. Sorry to disappoint you, city girl.”
“It’s Andie. And you guys are related?” My jaw dropped open a little at that factoid. Since when do man-bear-pigs share DNA with Barbie dolls?
“Yeah, we’re related all right. He’s my half-brother.”
“So your mother married a wookie?” I meant it as an insult, but apparently I don’t know how to throw down country-style.
She laughed, giving me her first genuine smile of the day. “You’re kinda funny, City.”
“And you’re kinda not, Country.”
She studied me closely, her smile melting away. “Whaddya say we cut the crap and come to some sort of agreement?”
“What kind of agreement?” My lawyer hat went on as I waited for her terms.
“How about I agree to let Mack and you alone for the day, and you agree to get out of town tomorrow and never come back?”
“Seems like a little one-sided, don’t you think?” I cocked my head to the side.
“How so?”
“Ohhh, I don’t know. Maybe because you work for half a day, and I work for the rest of my life? Doesn’t seem fair, does it?” Staying away from Mack forever would definitely be work. I glanced over at him and my heart strings twanged like a banjo.
Her eyebrows drew closer together. “You want me to pay you or something?”
“No,” I said, lowering my voice to match her tone. I looked her right in the eye, with every badass bone I had in my body channeling the heat. “I want you to keep your talons out of my man’s back, that’s what I want.”
Her mouth fell open and she stared at me as storm clouds gathered in her eyes.
Mack came walking up just in time to catch her reply.
“He is not your man! He’s my man, and he’s been my man practically my whole life!”
“Oh, Jesus, Hannah … could we not do this right now?” he asked, his voice revealing fatigue. I wasn’t sure if it was just being around her that did that to him or our long day yesterday, but he definitely looked like he could use a nap. His head dipped down, causing his hat to shield his entire face from view.
“Do what? Finally tell the world the truth? I think it’s time you cowboyed up, Mack, and told everyone what’s really going on between us.”
His head snapped up and he gaped at her. “You cannot be serious. How deluded can you possibly be? There’s nothing going on, Hannah, and you know it! I’ve never laid a finger on you.”
People under the tents stopped talking and started paying closer attention to us.
“Maybe you could tone it down a little,” I suggested, worried about ruining the party.
I was totally not expecting her next move.
Without any warning whatsoever, she attacked, slamming her open palms against my chest and sending me back a step or two. “Maybe you could just tone it down, man-stealer!”
“Hey! That’s enough, Hannah!” said Mack, throwing an arm out to block her from coming any closer.
I’m not sure exactly what happened to my rational, thinking brain in the split second that followed, only that something snapped inside it and caused me to see red. I got my footing after stumbling a few steps and then rushed her without a second thought, pushing right past Mack’s arm and making contact against her squishy hooters with my two fists.
“I am not a man-stealer!” I yelled, popping her in the chest with everything I had.
She barely lost any ground before she was coming at me again. And she no longer looked like a Barbie doll; now she was like a giant killer Chuckie doll, complete with tiny knives in the form of acrylic nails.
Mack jumped between us as fingernails, arms, slapping hands, and hair began to fly. I may have screamed. She definitely screamed. And then there was a loud crash when my big butt banged up against the banquet table behind me and sent a bunch of dishes to the ground.
“My brisket!” crowed a brittle voice.
“There goes the blueberry tart,” said Ian, not sounding very happy about it.
“Stop it, you two!” yelled Mack, wrestling first with me and then giving up to go control the Attack Barbie who had a fistful of my hair.
I was on my knees, so I punched her hard in the groin muscle to get her to release me. It worked like a charm, and as soon as I was free, I stood up straight, breathing like a bull. Tossing my hair out of my face, I gestured for her to come at me. “Come on, bitch, bring it on.” I huffed and puffed, waiting for her next move. “I’m ready for you now.” I held my fists up and began dancing from side to side like Mohammed F*cking Ali, grateful my lifeplan had involved over three hundred hours of kickboxing aerobics. She was pretty tall, but I was fairly certain I could give her a roundhouse to the side of the head and at least knock her silly.
“Andie?” came a startled voice from off in the distance.
My brain made the connection the minute I saw the myriad expressions move across Mack’s face:
Disbelieving.
Stricken.
Angry.
“Andie what are you doing?” the man asked.
My fists dropped to my sides as I sagged inward. All the fight went out of me like air from a dying balloon, as fantasy collided with reality and left me blindsided. “Oh. Hi, Bradley. What are you doing here?”
I never saw the fist coming until it connected with my jaw.