Somehow, she’d crept inside my barricaded heart. She’d weakened me—but that weakness worked both ways.
I felt her. I heard her fears, tasted her tears, and somehow knew how she would react.
I hadn’t permitted anyone to have that control over me since Jasmine. Even Kes and I didn’t share such a strong connection.
That strange bond had a name.
I called it my disease.
And it only got worse the more I was around Nila.
I craved her so intensely; I would break both of us before any more debts were paid.
I didn’t think she believed me when I said we were well and truly fucked. And not just because of my father and what he would do. But because of what I was.
Because of my…condition.
The moment I left her on the porch, I knew she’d go. The knowledge echoed in my bones, making it fact rather than speculation.
In the time it took to jog back to my room and trade my riding attire for all-black workout gear, she’d gone.
Balling my hands in the cool morning air, I smiled. A genuine smile. It’d been forever since I’d let myself relax enough to be genuine about any emotion.
Just like empathy and compassion were banned from my repertoire, so too, was feeling something so purely that it became a spark in my dead heart. I didn’t want to be genuine about anything because it could be used against me.
It was best to hate everything and everyone. To hide my true desires even from myself.
The anticipation of another hunt sent my blood flowing thick and hot.
Her tiny footprints led a trail, like enticing crumbs. The dew-damp grass flattened from her path.
I’m coming, Nila.
Just like before, I took off after my prey. But the difference between this chase and the previous one was I knew she wanted me to hunt her. I knew she wanted to be found. And I knew she fed off this cat and mouse idiocy as much as I did.
My legs spread into a large stride as I left the Hall behind.
I preferred to perch on the back of Wings when galloping fast and far. I wasn’t a jogger. It wasn’t quick enough for me. I missed the power of a large beast between my legs, responding to the commands to race and outrun everything that I was.
Every footfall caused me to wince from what I’d done to myself in my last ‘fixing’ session. The pain radiated up my legs. I supposed I should be grateful for the agony—it helped me in so many ways. And I needed all the help I could get with Nila wreaking havoc on my world.
You know it’s no longer working, so why still do it?
That was true.
Pain no longer held the comfort or fortress it used to. Jasmine was right. It was time to start looking at other methods, or, if I was brave enough, let everything that I’d been hiding emerge.
I snorted at the reaction that would get me. Not to mention the complications with my father.
No, I wasn’t ready. Not yet. Besides, I had more important things on my mind.
Such as hunting.
Leaping over the rock wall and tearing down the path, I put my head down and ran after my little Weaver.
A pitiful six minutes later, I gained on her.
Her stride and pace were impressive, and I had to appreciate her wily ways of trying to throw me off her trail by cutting across the driveway and disappearing into the woods on the other side.
But I was an experienced hunter.
Her clues littered behind her, leading me directly to my prey.
Her hair bounced, tendrils coming loose from her hair-tie. Her sculptured legs led to the firmest arse I’d ever seen.
My mouth watered.
I wanted to bite it. Bite her. Lick her. Fuck her.
“This seems all too familiar,” I muttered, pulling up beside her with a burst of speed.
She jumped, clutching her heart. “Shit, I didn’t hear you creeping behind me.”
“Creeping? I did nothing of the sort.”
She rolled her eyes, settling back into the punishing pace she’d set. I matched my stride to hers. Companionable silence fell as my attention turned inward again, focusing on the agony in my feet.
I really shouldn’t have chosen that part of my body—especially if running with her became a frequent occurrence. I’d have to find a new place in which to fix myself. The soles of my feet had been used for years—when I needed the extra buffer. No one could see the marks, no one would know, and the pain was constant whenever I moved.
A perfect place for secrets.
“Do you run?” Nila asked. Her breathing was heavy but even, her fitness level higher than mine.
I shook my head. “No. I prefer exercise where a horse does the hard work, or perhaps a punching bag that takes my fists.”
“You do that often?”
“What, ride?”
“No, assault an innocent punching bag.” Her dark eyes landed on mine, diving deep into my complexities before I slammed up my walls and prevented her from seeing any more.
“No more than usual,” I said, pulling ahead of her.
With a small grunt, she matched me, not letting me disappear. “I know you have issues, Jethro. But I’ll keep my speculations to myself…for now.” Running for a while, she finally asked, “What time did you wake up today?”
I frowned, gritting my teeth against the pounding pain in my feet. “What?”
“It’s dawn, yet you’ve already been for a ride. Are you an early riser?”
I snorted. You could say that. “I’m not good at sleeping. Wings is used to me.”
“Wings?”
“My gelding.” I threw her a glance. “The horse I was riding when I tracked you. Remember?”
Nila’s face shadowed. No doubt thinking of the hunt and the consequential amazing blowjob.
Sexual tension sprang harder between us, itching my skin, making my cock swell.
My voice turned gruff as I added, “Ever since he was broken in, Wings has been used to me sneaking into the stables and going for a ride in the dead of night. He got a small sleep in today. I didn’t saddle him up until four a.m.”
Nila nodded, soaking up my confession as if I’d announced the epicentre of why I was fucked up.