Chapter 6
He’d never seen anyone like Jack Colton. Sure, confident and yet reeking of sadness. Whenever he didn’t know anyone was looking his eyes clouded in it like a slow mellow storm. It made Rebel want to blow that storm away and make the man happy again but he didn’t trust, couldn’t trust and this man, as striking as he was, how good he seemed to be, it could all be a lie. He’d been burned before.
After he took off the cuffs he told Rebel, “Come on, let’s go into the house and we’ll talk.”
Rebel looked into the eyes of the man and his fear eased, so much so that it felt strange to him. He’d been afraid for so long he didn’t know how to take feeling anything but. He nodded and let himself be led into the house.
“Where’s the bedroom?” Jack asked this and Rebel stiffened involuntarily. Not that he didn’t want to fuck the man, shit who wouldn’t as fine as he was, but that wasn’t what Jack had said. Jack must have felt his tension because he pulled him close and kissed his hair. “It is just more comfortable to talk is all.”
Still tense but less so he led the way into the hall and to the bedroom where Jack sat on the bed and after adjusting the pillows behind him held out his hand. Rebel got on and sat between Jack’s spread legs leaning back on his firm chest, Jack wrapped his arms around Rebel’s chest and held him there tightly. Rebel felt horribly uncomfortable at the same time he closed his eyes and smiled. The conflicting feelings shocked him and he couldn’t get his mind around them.
“I know this is a weird position for you. I just want to know you. I want to eventually get to know you like no one else ever has. That probably freaks you out too.”
How did this guy know that? “I’m fine.”
Jack’s thumb caressed slowly over his collar bone as he said, “Let’s not start out lying to each other.”
Rebel felt his body stiffen again but Jack didn’t move a bit. His thumb kept caressing, his breathing was still even and slow. He huffed out, “Okay, yeah it’s weird. Not really bad weird, just…weird.”
Jack kissed the side of his neck. “Good boy.”
He didn’t understand the term “boy” knowing that Jack knew his age but he didn’t comment on it. In fact the term felt good. “I don’t know much about all that bondage stuff. If that’s even what you’re talking about.”
Jack nuzzled his neck, breathing in deeply and he had a flash of thought that he should have taken a shower. “I didn’t know anything about it either until my husband wanted to try some things and he researched it and had me do the same.”
This was news to Rebel but then again he really knew very little about the man who was holding him. “You were married?”
He felt Jack nod and then kiss his neck again. “Yeah for a long time. He died a little over three years ago and I miss him every day.” Rebel looked across the room and saw Aunt Candace smiling at him and nodding in that knowing little way she had.
“You can heal each other,” She whispered then faded away and all that was left was the old wallpaper he still had to take down.
“I didn’t know. I’m sorry…about your husband I mean.”
Another kiss to his neck and before he knew it he was relaxing into each touch Jack was giving him, the man’s voice was as soothing as the sound of waves. “I am too. He was a good man and he was a lot more adventurous than I ever was. He was beautiful and smart and he showed me a lot about myself that I didn’t know. A good partner, either in life or in the playroom, can open your eyes to yourself. It’s what I want to do for you and who knows what is there to discover about myself now.”
He could listen to him, be held by him forever. Strong arms and soft voice surrounded him. He felt safe and wanted maybe for the first time in his life, even more than the safe haven Aunt Candace had been. It was damn well the first time with a man.
“What are you thinking? Please be honest with me.”
Right until Jack asked him to be honest Rebel had already formulated a lie in his mind. He was a quick thinking especially when it came to hiding what was inside. “I was thinking how safe I feel.” Fuck that felt strange telling the truth.
“Good. I’m glad you feel safe with me,” Jack purred in his ear then kissed him again.
“Don’t get used to it I’m sure it’s fleeting.”
A little chuckle from Jack and then he said, “I would like to see you safe all of the time but I know it will take time. Now tell me why you feel the need to live up to your name. What are you rebelling against?”
More lies flew through his head and he pushed them all away. Instead he just said, “There are too many to list right now.”
Jack squeezed him even tighter and the older man’s voice turned a little less gentle. “That’s not an answer.”
“It’s the best one I have for you right now unless you want me to lie and I don’t want to lie to you. I’ve had to fight all of my life and that’s just always my first instinct now.”
“You’re not fighting me. You need to let go of your shield. Not all of the time but when you’re with me let it go. I can’t take you as high as you can go if you carry it. It’ll weigh you down.” Jack pushed him up and said, “Listen to me now. There is a lot more to BDSM than the physical but sometimes that is what’s needed. Get up for me and take off your clothes.”
Rebel turned his head so fast he got a little dizzy and whispered, “What? Now?”
Jack nodded and cocked his head. “Right now boy.”
Why he was doing it he had no fucking idea but he was getting off of the bed and pulling off his t-shirt. Jack turned, swung his legs over the side of the bed and just watched him. Watched every move he made as Rebel unbuttoned his pants and slid them down. The fucker even licked his lips as his dark blue eyes searched over every inch of him. It’s not like he was ashamed of his body, not even a little. Rebel was toned and lean and never had a problem being naked in front of a man but this scrutiny was making him more than uncomfortable. Just as he was about to say something Jack took him from his thoughts.
In a whisper Jack said, “I knew you would be beautiful but I had no idea…”
Instead of being put at ease the statement made him more ill at ease but he still didn’t have the time to react. Jack looked into his eyes then and captured his attention once again. Shit…captured? He commanded his attention just by his eyes.
“Now you have things you’ve done that haven’t shown you in the best of lights so let’s get them dealt with shall we?”
His brow creased Rebel finally spoke, “What are you talking about?”
Jack sat straight up and patted his lap. “Lie across. Don’t think about it because if you think about it you won’t do it.”
No way could he mean…was he really thinking? There was no way! He didn’t have a chance to protest because Jack reached out and took his hand and easily pulled him over. He went like he was in a dream. He didn’t even feel the carpet under his bare feet like he was floating over to Jack. He went with it, the dreamlike quality of it all and just like in a dream he found himself draped over Jack’s lap with his face on the bedspread and his feet on the floor without knowing how he got there.
“Good boy. This is going to hurt but not any more than you can take. Trust me Rebel to take you there.”
Rebel swallowed hard and nodded, or at least he thought he nodded. Before he could steel himself for the smack it happened. A steady hand on his lower back held him as he jumped from it, the other hand that came down hard on his right side and before he could even think about the pain another came to the left side of his ass. Over and over Jack’s hand came down and over and over he jumped just a little but mostly just stayed in place. The only thing that moved was his face. First tightening from the pain, then he closed his eyes as he felt the tears come.
The physical pain wasn’t causing the tears. He was used to handling physical pain but his tears were coming from something else. His ass burned with the spanking, he could feel the heat radiating from it and even more so from Jack’s hand. Jack was relentless. The smacks never got harder or softer just steady so like the man himself. The more Jack delivered the more the sting hurt and still that wasn’t where the tears came. They came from the subjugation of it and how with every single smack he felt himself letting go of that shield he and Jack knew he held around him like a concrete wall. The more it crumbled around him the more he felt Jack getting in and the desire to be wanted and needed made it to him first and he hated it. He didn’t want those feelings and had spent years running from them because he knew without a doubt that that was where real pain came from.
Doing what he did best Rebel fought. Squirming, screaming, kicking out his legs but Jack held him firm. His voice cracked from screaming but still Jack kept at it. There was no way he’d ever remember the things he was yelling because they were all sewn together like a quilt, obscenities, pleas, prayers and spewed hatred.
The release was intoxicating. Feeling repressed for years, decades coming out to leave him empty. He felt high, felt tired and felt like he was wrung out like a tired old rag.
How long it went on he didn’t know, whether it was a few seconds or hours he had no sense of time but when it was over he was in Jack’s arms being held and soothed with words and gentle hands.
“You’re okay Rebel. You’re here with me and you’re okay.”
From inside him such sorrow and pain rushed out of him with every wracking sob that he thought he may start to puke out his internal organs. It was such a purging. He was being drained of everything and as Jack held him and rocked him, like a child, he fell asleep.
oooOooo
After he covered Rebel up with the quilt from the foot of the bed he watched him. He completely lost track of time just looking at him and the way the years washed from him as he slept so peacefully. He remembered Martin doing that after a heavy scene, lying in bed sleeping for hours so hard that he barely moved.
Martin’s stresses had come from dealing with rich men and women trying to pay as few taxes as possible or make as much money from loopholes and tricks as they could. Martin’s good heart didn’t mix with the knowledge of how to do those things so he felt so conflicted and guilty at times the only thing that helped him was Jack’s hand.
“This is different than my troubles and you know it. No spanking is going to cure him of the pain he’s in. What are you going to do with him when he starts to break?” Martin sat on the edge of the bed gazing at Rebel while he spoke and Jack just shook his head.
“I have to try. He may not need me exactly but he needs something. There is real pain bubbling just below the surface and in a second it could land him in real trouble.”
Martin just smiled. “You know you could get yourself in trouble at the same time.”
“I already am.”
He waited until Rebel looked as if he may start to stir before he brought in the orange juice and soup he’d found in the kitchen. As he sat the tray down he sat on the edge of the bed and waited. It wasn’t long before Rebel’s lids rose and he saw the sleepy light green eyes looking up at him.
“Hey.”
Rebel’s cheeks colored some as he was obviously embarrassed about how he’d reacted. Jack knew to sooth him. “You slept well?”
Rebel smiled and sat up some, wincing, as Jack handed him the glass of juice which he took and drank down in two big gulps. “Fucking thirsty.”
“I’ll get you some more but try to eat something huh? You need to get some of your strength back,” Jack said as he put the tray on Rebel’s lap.
“Thanks. I never knew crying could be so exhausting.” He didn’t look at Jack as he said this and Jack figured he probably wouldn’t look him in the eye for a while and he was okay with that.
“It wasn’t the crying so much as the rest that came out with it. Don’t worry you will feel better after some more rest.” Jack felt like an intruder then, like he was peeking into a bad dream. He’d only ever done these things with Martin, a man he loved and knew well. What did he know about this man and how he would feel about his witnessing the break down?
“Aren’t you going to have some?” Rebel was finally looking at him and he had to force himself not to squirm under the stare.
Jack sat on the bed gently so he wouldn’t jostle the soup in the bowl and he shook his head while looking down at his hands. “Not hungry.”
Rebel finished his soup and juice then Jack took the tray to the kitchen and rinsed out the dishes before putting them in the old dishwasher. He turned as Rebel came to the doorway and leaned on the jam with his shoulder. “Thank you.”
“It was only a can of soup that you or your aunt had in the cabinet.”
Rebel looked far away then as he said more to himself than to Jack, “Auntie always kept that soup for me. She hated it, never liked chicken but she always kept it for me.” He’d said that to the air but then he looked right at Jack then lowered his eyes. “I meant thank you for…other things.”
Jack smiled. “You’re welcome.”
After he finished drying his hands Jack went to Rebel and embraced him in a tender hug then took his lips into a passionate kiss. The man melted in his arms but didn’t return the hug. He simply let himself be held and kissed and let himself go with it. When the kiss ended Jack watched the flush come over Rebel and smiled. “I don’t want to leave you after that but if I stay I am going to need to be with you. Are you sure you want me here?”
“Fuck me Jack,” Rebel whispered in a husky breath while he stared at Jack’s red, swelling lips.
Jack grabbed his hair into his hand and kissed him again, this kiss containing all the fire of the sun and walked Rebel backwards to the bedroom. He pushed him down on the bed and bent over him. “Where’s the things we’ll need.”
“In the saddlebag in the closet there,” He panted out as he pointed behind Jack. Jack got up and went to the closet door, pausing there for just a moment with his eyes closed. This was happening fast. Too fast maybe but he wasn’t sure if it hadn’t happened this way if it would happen at all.
“Are you alright?”
Who asked that? Was it Martin from somewhere inside of his head or was it Rebel? He didn’t want to know so he didn’t answer and opened the closet door to see the saddlebag right on the floor. He knelt down and lifted the flap to find it mostly empty except for a pair of shoes with a paper bag stuffed down inside of one of them. He took out the bag and found the condoms and small tube of lube inside and closed his eyes once more. This was it, his first time since Martin.
As he stood up and walked to the bed he expected to feel a burst of betrayal surge through him. Not anyone’s betrayal of him but his own. It never came.