chapter 40
Coronado Island
San Diego
Four months later
It was hard to breathe, harder still to stay. Every nerve was screaming for her to put a thousand miles between herself and this silent room.
But Summer Mulcahey had never been a coward or a quitter. Losing her father too young had made her tough; living with a mother who generally ignored her and often resented her had done the rest. So instead of bolting, Summer locked her hands in her lap and waited.
Mariachi music drifted through the open window of the second-floor apartment. She closed her eyes, breathing in the sea air scented with jasmine and lavender, thinking about Mexico. Thinking about a room where Gabe had made her feel cherished and unscarred, powerful in her choices and honest in her passion.
But a truck hurtling down a winding road had changed them both. She still awoke at night shuddering with terror from the memory—and from the knowledge that Gabe had bought her protection by covering her with his own body.
When she had resurfaced after surgery in Tucson, groggy and disoriented, Izzy had answered every question except those that involved Gabe. As the drugs wore off and her mind cleared, she had pelted him with demands for any piece of news about the SEAL, but Izzy had stood firm. Eventually Summer had returned to Philadelphia to continue her treatment nearer to home.
After weeks of rehab, her arm was weaker than normal, but she had recovered most of her range of motion in the elbow and her scars were no longer obvious. The good news was that she would be fit to return to work in a few short days.
The bad news?
Trying to decide if she wanted her old job back. Knowing Gabe had changed her, making her softer in some ways and harder in others. For the first time in years, Summer had examined her life objectively, and she hadn’t been thrilled by the sight. It was painful to realize that she had no friends, zero hobbies, and an apartment with all the warmth of a budget residential hotel.
Just as she’d told Gabe, she was the job. 24/7.
Her sister Jess had tried to hammer the same point home for years, but Summer hadn’t listened. Now, after a brief, intimate relationship with Gabe, she was suddenly hungry for more, not because she felt incomplete without him, but because a door had opened for her, revealing a side of herself she hadn’t glimpsed before. Summer was ready for the unexpected, and even if the prospect left her painfully vulnerable, she had to know if she and Gabe had any future together.
Which was how she came to be sitting on a beat-up leather sofa in a silent apartment on Coronado Island, watching the sun set in bloodred splendor over a beach she didn’t know the name of. She had dug and delved, berated Izzy and questioned Cara until she finally had Gabe’s address. Thanks to Izzy, she even had a copy of his key.
If only she could ignore an instinct to creep out the door and keep running, right back to Philadelphia and her old, familiar world.
But she wasn’t running. She wasn’t a quitter. She had to know, and for once in her life she was going to take a chance on her heart.
She heard a door open.
Slow footsteps crossed the hall, and Summer’s breath backed up like cotton in her throat as she watched the doorknob turn slowly.
He was as rugged and tall as she remembered, but his face wore new lines and his eyes looked tired. She couldn’t speak, afraid of the questions she had to ask. She should have called first, but what could you say in a phone call?
Gabe dropped a set of keys on a painted pine table and walked to the window without turning on the light. Against the drifting curtains Summer saw his dark silhouette as he stared out at the fading sunset and the red Victorian roof of the Hotel del Coronado.
Abruptly he turned, his eyes searching the darkness until they locked on her face. Summer realized he was carrying a cane, gripping it hard with gloved fingers.
“Why did you come?”
The blood drained out of her face.
Because I missed you like I’d miss part of my own body. Because I probably love you, but I’ve got no yardstick to measure by, and if it’s true, the possibility terrifies me.
But now that she was here, inches away from him, with every word so precious, Summer couldn’t think of one that was true enough for the storm of emotions she was feeling.
Trust your heart, she’d advised Sophy once, and the advice may have saved Cara O’Connor’s life. Summer decided to follow her own advice now, even if it terrified her. “I came because I had to. It wasn’t finished, Gabe.”
“For me it was.” His voice was harsh.
Summer stared into his eyes, unflinching. “I don’t believe you. Being a good liar must go with being a SEAL.”
“SEALs are good at a lot of things,” he said grimly.
“What happened to your hand?”
His gloved fingers tightened on the cane. “Skin grafts.” He didn’t look at her, his shoulders stiff. “How’s your head?”
“My quantum physics research is on hold, but otherwise I’m fine. The headaches aren’t so bad anymore.”
He turned at that. “What headaches?”
“It doesn’t matter.” Summer felt dizzy just looking at him, overwhelmed by emotion. Odd, because she had always prided herself on being perfectly controlled, completely logical.
But that was before Gabe.
That thought left her terrified, too.
“Izzy didn’t tell me about the headaches.” Gabe stared at her, unmoving. “You okay otherwise?”
“Fine. Don’t expect me behind the wheel of a car, though. When I try to drive, I get a little crazy. Remembering, you know? Details about the road, the cement at the end.” Summer forced a smile. “I should be going back to work in a few weeks.”
Something crossed his face. “Glad to hear it.”
Silence fell. Why were they talking about everything but what mattered? Summer wondered.
“You got those cuts taken care of?” Gabe turned away, back to the window. “The ones on your neck and chest. Izzy told me about them.”
Summer shrugged. “He pulled some strings. So did Tate Winslow. The specialist they found did a great job. He wanted to take a few extra nips, make me into Julia Roberts, but I told him the cosmetics didn’t matter.”
“You don’t need to be made into anything else.” Gabe’s voice was gruff. “You hear from Izzy a lot?”
“About once a week.” Summer managed a smile. “How do you think I got your address and your key?”
“I figured something like that.”
Summer summoned her courage, standing up slowly. “I keep remembering something you told me, Gabe. You said that I had to trust someone, and it might as well be you.”
“I say a lot of things.” Gabe stared out at the boats hugging the curve of the shore. “Most of them are pure stupidity.”
“No, I learned to trust you then, and I trust you now. That’s a new experience for me.” Summer laughed tightly. “Of course, my dance card hasn’t exactly been overbooked, if you know what I mean.”
“Summer, you don’t have to—”
“Let me get this out, Gabe. I came to find you because I needed answers and finality.” Summer took a breath. “I wanted to see if—”
He cut her off, gripping the cane as he turned. “Look, you may as well know this up front. I’ve got someone coming over tonight. She should be here any second.”
“‘Coming over’?” Summer tried to smile. “As in, cleaning your apartment? Delivering your groceries?”
“No. Not like that.”
This pain was worse than what she’d felt waking up alone in the emergency room, and she had a sudden sense that it was never going to get better. “Oh.”
Funny how the world could shatter around you and all you could say was oh.
“I’m sorry, Summer. I should have told you sooner.”
“No problem.” She closed her eyes. Gabe was entitled to his choices, just as she was entitled to hers. There had been no commitments made, no declarations, no vows of any kind. “That’s wonderful, Gabe. Actually there’s . . . there’s a man back in Philadelphia. Someone I met in the hospital.”
“A doctor?”
Summer nodded. “Surgeon. He took care of my arm. Talk about a cliché.”
“No.” He cleared his throat. “That’s—good, Summer. That’s great.”
He needed to be free, Summer thought. He had someone else, and she was determined to be happy for him. “So we’re clear about everything.”
“Sure. Absolutely. He’s a lucky man.”
Summer’s chest ached, as if someone were drilling slowly right down through her skin and into her heart. “Thanks.”
There was a knock at the door. “That must be Nickie.” Gabe turned as the door opened. A tall woman in cutoff blue jeans stood in the doorway, carrying a bag of groceries. She had very white teeth and perfect abs beneath a cropped yellow polo shirt.
Most of all, she had Gabe’s key. Things were definitely serious between them.
Another drill went down into Summer’s heart.
The woman—Nickie?—looked from Gabe to Summer. “Sorry, Gabe. I didn’t know you had company.” She smiled at Summer. “Are you from the Navy?”
“No.” It hurt to breathe, hurt even more to smile, but Summer managed it.
“Well, don’t let me rush you. I’ll just put these things in the kitchen.”
Summer watched her walk away. She was young and nice and looked very competent. “I’d better go, Gabe. You’re busy.”
“Summer, I’m sorry.”
“No problem. I just wanted to see for myself that you were okay. Hey, one minute you’re crashing in an out-of-control truck, and the next minute you’re on the beach. Life manages to go on, doesn’t it?”
Whether you wanted it to or not.
“Summer, I—”
“Great to see you, Gabe.” She didn’t wait, couldn’t bear another second. She fumbled her way out to the hall, moving blindly, desperate to escape. Only outside on the street did Summer jam a hand to her mouth. Unshed tears burned at her eyes as she flagged down the first taxi that passed. When she rode away into the fading sunset, she didn’t look back.
Some risks hurt more than others.
Gabe watched her from the window, watched her without moving.
“Why did you do that?”
He didn’t answer. His whole body felt numb.
“Gabe, that woman loves you, damn it.”
“Her loss.”
Dr. Nickie Evangeline was his downstairs neighbor. Though still a medical resident, she had become his unofficial rehabilitation mentor. She stared at him impatiently. “You love her, too.”
“Now that’s downright delusional, Doc.” When Gabe turned, his face was hard. “How about we get to work?”
Her lips pressed into a hard line. “Your rehab can wait. Right now I’m more concerned with your ass-backward mental state.”
“Hey, I’m fine. All systems go. I could bench-press three hundred fifty pounds.”
“I get it now.” Her eyes narrowed. “You told me to dress this way. You told me when to come. You knew that she was going to be here, didn’t you?”
Gabe didn’t answer.
“What happens next?”
“Not a single damned thing.”
“You won’t be this way forever, Lieutenant. You should tell her.”
Tell her what? Gabe stared at his leg. There was more reconstructive surgery the next day. Maybe he’d come out of it with a brace and two pins, and a knee strong enough to run on again.
Or maybe not.
He was doing the right thing, Gabe thought grimly. Life went on, as Summer had said. In the grand scheme of things, what could have been carried no weight. At least she had recovered beautifully. He’d never seen her more calm and confident, although for a moment there had been something uncertain in her face, something wistful in her voice.
Just your imagination, fool.
Gabe heard the door close behind him. Nickie was disgusted with him, but of course she didn’t understand.
Frowning, Gabe took something out of his pocket and turned it slowly in his palm. It was the simple blue rubber band he’d taken from Summer’s hair back on that night she’d been caught in the cactus. He took it out sometimes and looked at it, touched it, slipped it over his fingers.
In the last months he had carried it everywhere. Even into surgery.
Down on the street the taxi began moving. Gabe couldn’t pull his eyes away.
He had read once what it felt like to walk on the moon. One astronaut had said that you felt rootless, unspeakably alone, cut off from Earth with its blue seas and all you knew and loved. Gabe felt that way now as the lights of Summer’s taxi flickered, then vanished into the twilight.
wyoming