CHAPTER TWO
Things didn’t get better.
Mal’s mom had apparently loved lilies. My head swam with the sweet rich scent. Seats had been saved for us down in the front with the family which was fortunate, because the church was packed. It felt all kinds of awkward sitting with the Ericsons given I barely knew them, but that was where Jimmy wanted me. Security stood out front, putting the kibosh on any uninvited guests. A group of fans stood outside despite them and the weather. They’d called out to Jimmy, waving T-shirts and other shit to be signed when we walked in. I’d wanted to growl abuse at them, tell them to get a clue. Jimmy hadn’t given them the time of day. You’d have thought in the guy’s hometown, there’d be more respect for his privacy, especially at a time like this. Some people just didn’t think or it didn’t suit them to think. What they wanted was more important and screw everyone else.
God, I hated people like that.
Up front, the organ player pounded out a hymn and people sang along as best they could. Jimmy would talk next. His face still seemed paler than normal, a little grey even. The man might not be clinging to me, but he clearly wasn’t all right. I grabbed his hand, holding on even when he flinched back from the contact. The look he gave our joined hands was distinctly bewildered.
“It’s okay,” I said.
He gave up trying to free himself of me and started fussing with the knot in his tie.
“Jimmy, you’re going to be great.”
The song wound down. Mal turned to us and god, the man’s face. He looked devastated, eyes stark with loss. Anne, the drummer’s girlfriend, stood at his side, her arm wrapped tight around Mal’s waist. There’d been a hiccup with their great love affair a week or two back. It was good to see them together again, especially today.
Mal nodded to Jimmy, giving him the signal, and it might have started out with me holding onto him, but now the situation had definitely been reversed. Fingers clutched mine, bruisingly tight, but he made no other move. He’d frozen.
On my other side, David leaned forward, frowning. “Jim?”
There was murmuring in the hall, the crowd growing restless. Up in the pulpit, the preacher stepped forward, craning his neck and looking out expectantly.
Someone had to do something.
“Let’s go.” I put my hand to his back and pushed. Hard.
He blinked ever so slowly, like I’d woken him from a deep sleep.
“Time to go, Jimmy. You’re on,” I whispered. “Walk.”
Steps painfully slow, he moved out into the aisle. I followed, the weight of all those stares making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. No matter. We walked side by side, my hand guiding him, never leaving his back. Up the steps and then onto the podium. I fished in his coat pocket for the speech, laying it out flat in front of him. There was whispering out in the crowd about our odd behavior. Screw them. Nothing mattered but getting him through today intact.
“You got this?” I asked.
He scowled. “Yeah.”
I stepped to the side.
For a moment his gaze searched the crowd, moving over David and Ev, Ben the freakishly tall bass player, and then Mal and Anne. Next he turned to me, his mouth a grim line but his eyes asking for something. I gave him a little smile, a discreet thumbs up. No part of me doubted he could do this. Whatever else he might be, Jimmy Ferris was special and complicated, beautiful and beastly, all rolled into one. A natural-born performer.
His chin dipped infinitesimally in response and I let out a breath. He could do it, and he would.
Still, I swear I could feel his pain bearing down on me, threatening to snap me in two. Some sort of empathy overlord had begun back in the hotel room and now I couldn’t separate my feeling from his. Worse, I didn’t want to. He’d let me in whether he meant to or not and I couldn’t leave him alone with all this.
Tomorrow I’d take a nice big safe step back. Today he needed a friend.
*
“Hi,” he said, his deep strong voice carrying perfectly. “My name is Jimmy Ferris. I first met Lori Ericson when she let us start practicing in their garage. I was about sixteen at the time. Mr. Ericson wasn’t too happy with having us play there at first, but Lori talked him around. No one else would have us. To be fair, we made a hell of a racket. Barely a fucking … sorry, we barely had a clue what we were doing.
“In summer she’d bring us out these big jugs of Kool-Aid. People that know me won’t be surprised to hear I used to dump about a quarter out, fill it up with this cheap vodka I’d talk one of the guys down at the liquor store into getting me.” He looked to his brother and David gave him a tight smile.
“Anyway,” he said, clearing his throat. “This one time she came back in, busted me doing it. Didn’t matter that I was bigger than her. She grabbed me by the ear, nearly tore it off my head. Then she marched me outside and ripped me a new one. I was about an inch tall by the time she was done. Nice or not, Lori knew how you cut you down to size. And once she was done doing that, she calmed down and she talked to me. Just about general stuff. All sorts of things, really. But every time I went there from then on, she made time to talk to me, even if it was just for two minutes. Our own mom had taken off by then, so it wasn’t something I got at home. Now, I wasn’t Lori’s kid. I probably wasn’t even a kid she wanted around her kid. Still, she always made a point of giving that to me. She kept an eye on me and Dave, made sure we were clothed and fed, that we had what we needed. She cared when no one else gave a shit.” He grimaced, cleared his throat. “She cared when no one else did.”
His fingers stretched then curled tight as he took a moment. “I’d like to tell you how I stopped drinking in Lori’s garage after that. That’s how the story should finish. But some part of me was an addict, I guess, even back then. I did stop for a couple of days, and I was real sneaky about it afterward. I couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing her. Maybe that makes it sound like she didn’t do that much, that she didn’t have much of an effect. But what she did was enormous. She was the first person I’d ever met who made me wish I was better. Was a good person. Could make more of myself. And that’s a power, right there. If you can get even a guy like me to want to be a better man, then you’re something special.”
Jimmy carefully picked up the piece of paper in front of him, folding it back up. It didn’t matter, he didn’t need it. The poetry was in him, in the way he was baring his heart to these people. He stood tall, facing the crowd. His truth might not be pretty, but there was strength in his stance, pride. Warmth bloomed in my chest at the sight. A sense of satisfaction I hadn’t experienced in the longest time. Not that I’d made the eulogy, I know, but still …
“This might seem a weird story to tell you,” he said, his voice measured and calm. “It certainly doesn’t make me look good. But I think it goes a long way toward explaining to you why Lori was so important. What made her so amazing was … she cared. She genuinely cared about people. And that’s as rare as it is beautiful. It’s why she’ll be so badly missed.”
I scrubbed a tear off my face with the heel of my hand before Jimmy could catch me crying. Sadly, not fast enough. At least it wasn’t like I was the only one in a similar condition. Lucky the hall hadn’t flooded.
He turned to me, face bereft of emotion. “Let’s go.”
I sniffed. “Yep.”
We walked back down to our seats, his hand at the small of my back this time, guiding me forward. Before we could reach them, Mal stepped out. Wordlessly, he put his arms around Jimmy. He gripped him tight, giving him a thump on the back in the way men do. It took Jimmy a moment to respond and thump him back. The organ player started up again and everyone rose to their feet around us. Voices filled the hall.
I slid into the pew and retook my seat. Jimmy deposited himself next to me, the leg of his suit pants brushing against mine. I waited for him to grouse at me to move over, not that there was any room to be had due to of the sudden appearance of some woman’s handbag. But he didn’t. Honestly, after all the drama and emotional upheaval, sticking close seemed a good idea.
For him, of course. I was fine.
His gaze dropped briefly to where we connected before moving away. “You okay?”
“Yes. You?”
He made a noise. It sounded agreeable enough.
“Good.” I settled my hands in my lap.
Up in the pulpit the preacher started talking. Jimmy’s leg leaned a little more firmly against mine. He looked straight ahead, however, apparently unaware of what his thigh was doing. Nothing showed on his face. Maybe it was his way of acknowledging me, of saying thank you. Or maybe the man had a cramp. Whatever. A small smile curved my lips, my shoulders sagging with relief.
We’d done it. We’d made it through.