Just The Way You Are

‘My phone is in here. I’ve been outside.’

‘We tried Pia, a couple of my other old clients, but no one answered. I didn’t want anyone else to know what was happening.’

When we asked Leanne if she’d called the police, she had the same excuse. ‘If I’d called the police, they’d have involved social services, and I can’t bear to relive that nightmare unless I have to. I felt sure she’d be here.’ Leanne’s face fell. ‘Where else would she be?’

And then it clicked.

‘Nesbit went missing. We couldn’t figure out how he’d escaped. When we found him, he was acting strange, like there was something in the undergrowth. I had to carry him away.’

Leanne and Peter stood up. ‘Where?’

‘Wait here, thirty seconds. If we’re going out there, we need to know what we’re looking for.’

A minute later I confirmed that my camping gear was missing. ‘I never took the kitchen door key back.’

Five minutes after that, Leanne had called the police while Steph organised the limited number of party guests who were sober and knew the forest well enough to be relatively safe out there at night into a search party.

‘Where’s Sam?’ she asked me, as Ebenezer handed out party lanterns to supplement the limited number of torches. ‘He should be doing this, not me.’

‘I’ll try him again.’ I’d already called three times, but he’d not answered. This time I left a message and sent a text for good measure. Someone was calling the out-of-hours number for the forest park, but no one would be more dedicated or more skilled at locating Joan than Sam.

As the party broke up into those who were staying and those who were joining the search, the first drops of rain began to fall. It was fully dark now, and the temperature had dropped as the clouds rolled in, reminding us that it was now autumn, and before the night was over there could well be a frost on the ground.

‘She’ll be fine in the tent, with the sleeping bag,’ I tried to reassure Leanne, but my own heart felt like it had frozen solid in my chest.

I swapped into thick leggings, a hoodie and raincoat, grabbed one of the remaining lanterns and slipped on Nesbit’s lead.

‘Who are you pairing up with?’ Steph asked, glancing at the half-empty garden.

‘Nesbit.’

‘Not happening.’

I had a look at the people who were left. Steph’s brothers had paired up with Bigley residents, and Drew was dropping her mum home. No one else was fit enough to keep up with me. I was fully intending on running with my dog until we either found Joan or collapsed with exhaustion. Before I could argue any further, Irene appeared at my shoulder.

‘I’ll come with you.’

‘Irene, I’m going to be running. I don’t want you holding me back.’

‘Oh? Running quicker than twenty-six miles in five hours and thirty-one minutes? Because that was my latest marathon time, and since then I’ve only got faster.’

I handed her a torch and we sprinted out the gate.

I took Nesbit straight back to where I’d found him earlier that day. If Joan was intending on hiding from us, then she’d have moved on by now, but it would hopefully be enough for Nesbit to remember that his best friend was here, and pick up her scent again.

I’d thought the hour or so that Sam and I had spent hunting my dog had been frightening. This was a living hell. Pushing through the freezing wet undergrowth, slipping and squelching as what had been dusty paths turned to a mudslide and the rain dripped off our noses.

I tried not to picture Joan, alone, cold and scared as her dreams of living free in the forest became a brutal reality. Instead I kept my head lowered against the stinging rain, swung the torch in a calculated arc to avoid missing any signs of human life, and thundered down the forest paths, even as my blood thundered through my veins.

Once we reached the clearing, I tried Sam again. Again, no answer, but I had next to no reception and if he was on his way, the call might not have got through. I let Nesbit sniff around and then as soon as he caught a scent that he wanted to follow, we were off again.

More endless minutes of pushing through brambles and nettles, losing our footing on loose tree roots and stumbling in the darkness as the rain began to seep through our clothing and numb our freezing hands. I was beyond grateful to have Irene’s sensible shoes plodding right behind me, her silence somehow more reassuring than if she’d been trying to say something to make me feel better.

The twisting paths left me completely disorientated. In the darkness it was impossible to tell if I’d been in this section of the forest before. Irene eventually spoke, urging me to rest for a few minutes to catch my breath and my bearings, but I couldn’t ignore the compulsion to keep going until I knew Joan was safe.

Eventually, we had the reaction we’d been praying for. Nesbit started jerking at the end of the lead, barking and whining as he darted towards a sharp slope. Feet scrabbling for purchase on the carpet of wet leaves, I careened behind him, shouting Joan’s name.

Just as my torch picked up the tent in the hollow below us, the lead snagged on a low branch and sent me sprawling into the dirt, tumbling down the rest of the incline while Nesbit broke free from my grip. I landed in a crumpled heap right in front of the tent entrance.

Every scratch and bruise dissolved into nothing when I saw the pale face peeking out and a scared, cold eleven-year-old collapsed into my arms, her dog smothering her in kisses.





34





‘What’s Irene doing here?’ Joan asked, once she’d prised herself out of my hug.

‘Looking for you,’ I replied, adjusting my position to try to ease the stabbing pain in my ankle. ‘Lots of people are.’

‘Oh.’ Joan pushed her mouth to one side of her face, eyes lowered. ‘Is Mum here?’

‘She’s at the cottage with Grandad. It was very hard for her not to come looking, but she knew she couldn’t get very far.’

‘Everyone is very, very worried,’ Irene added.

Joan swiped at the tears now mingling with the rain on her face. ‘They were supposed to think I was at a sleepover.’

‘This evening. What about tomorrow, and the day after that? Never mind you took Nesbit. I thought someone had stolen him.’ I kept my voice gentle as it was clear that the reality of what she’d done was starting to sink in.

Covering her face with both hands, she dissolved into hoarse sobs, only pausing to wail, ‘I want my Mum!’

‘Come on then, let’s get you home. Grab what you need for tonight; we can fetch the rest in the morning.’

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