‘So, has Phoebe signed up for the China trip? Honestly, how lucky are our girls? In our day no one went further than France on a school trip. Clementine is so excited. She’s done nothing but read up on Chinese history for the past fortnight. I’ve booked her a Mandarin tutor but I don’t know how much she’ll pick up in eight months.’
Lily wracked her brains for any mention of a school trip to China. She was sure she’d remember if Phoebe had told her but had no recollection of it. ‘Yes, it sounds amazing. I don’t think Phoebe’s decided yet. When’s the deadline?’
‘Monday, so she’d better get her skates on if she wants to go. It does sound marvellous. I said to Tom that perhaps he and I ought to go to China, but he said that if he’s only got seven weeks’ annual leave, he’d rather spend them in a place he knows and likes rather than risk ending up somewhere dreadful. Honestly, he’s so unadventurous. Sometimes I think I should just pack up and head off somewhere exotic like that woman in Eat, Pray, Love.’
Lily tried to picture Pippa’s husband, but men were so rarely expected to get involved in school-related social activities that they all morphed into one nebulous mass in her head. She glanced around the table at the group of mums she’d first met six years ago when Phoebe had started secondary school and with whom she’d dutifully been attending a termly get-together ever since. She knew some of the other mums met more regularly, that they had an encyclopaedic knowledge of each other’s lives, but then, some of these women hadn’t worked for as long as Lily had known them.
‘How’s Daniel these days? Still hobnobbing with Hollywood celebrities?’
Lily turned towards Annabel and glanced briefly at her phone. ‘He’s fine, thanks. Great. Busy, as always.’
‘We should organise a supper soon. I haven’t seen Daniel for ages and he’s such good value. I’ll WhatsApp you some dates. Maybe I’ll invite Anoushka and Pippa too – what do you think?’
Before she had a chance to reply, Lily’s phone buzzed and her hand shot out towards it, knocking over Annabel’s prosecco glass, its contents trickling across the wooden table in thin, determined rivulets. ‘God, I’m sorry. That was so clumsy of me. Here let me mop it up.’ A moment later, Lily handed the sopping napkins to a passing waiter and retrieved her phone, only to discover that it wasn’t the message she’d been hoping for.
‘Everything OK, Lily?’
‘Yes, just my boss. Nothing urgent.’
‘They’re sending you work emails on a Saturday? God, they really do squeeze every last drop out of you, don’t they? But I’ve been meaning to ask, how’s your mum getting on? Is she still living at home?’
Lily studied Annabel’s face, wondering if somehow she’d found out the truth. ‘She is, yes, I wanted her to come and live with us but I can understand why she’s keen to stay in her own home. I speak to her every day, she comes for lunch every Sunday, and I’ve got carers lined up to help look after her whenever she needs them.’
Lily forced herself to stop gabbling, the lies pricking her tongue. But she’d learned over the years that the best lies were coated with a dusting of the truth. It was true that she spoke to her mum every day, true that Audrey came for lunch each Sunday. It was even true that she’d compiled a list of private nurses who could be dispatched to Jess’s house when the time came, if Jess would let them through the door. But as for the rest of it, how could Lily possibly explain that her mum was living with her sister when she’d never told any of these women that her sister even existed?
Her jaw clenched at the thought of her mum, right now, unpacking at Jess’s house. Lily still didn’t understand her decision. Because what rational explanation could there be for her choosing to live with Jess, when Jess had single-handedly ruptured their family for the past twenty-eight years?
‘Well, she’s very lucky to have you. And at least you’ve got Daniel to share the burden with. I can’t imagine having to deal with a sick parent on your own.’
Lily nodded even as her head began to spin. Her fingers grabbed the hard edge of the table, her throat tightening as if invisible hands were pressed around her neck. She slid back her chair, pushed herself to her feet, picked up her coat. ‘I’m really sorry, I feel rather unwell all of a sudden. I think I just need some fresh air. I’m so sorry. Let me know how much I owe for drinks, won’t you?’
She heard questions trailing after her as she negotiated her way through the avenue of tables until she was out on Kensington High Street, the February chill numbing her cheeks. All around her people hurried to shops, bars and restaurants as Lily stumbled forwards, willing her pulse to slow down.
Turning a corner onto a quieter street, she wished she could teleport herself home and that, when she got there, things would have changed, decisions been reversed, life restored to some semblance of normality. But as she leaned against a wall and closed her eyes, it wasn’t the hallway of the home she shared with Daniel and Phoebe that loomed into view. Instead, she was greeted by a scene she had tried so hard over the years to delete from her memory, a scene that occupied so many of her dreams in spite of her determination to erase it, as though the harder she willed it away the more fiercely it returned: following her sister down the stairs, praying that Jess would not suddenly find the courage to insist on going into the spare bedroom after all, willing Jess not to turn around and see the tears in her eyes.
Lily waited until the panic began to subside and then hailed a cab, stepped inside its warm blast of air and gave the driver her address.
All she wanted was to be at home.
Walking through the wide, glossy black front door, Lily was greeted by a sight she wasn’t expecting to see. ‘Daniel? Where are you? What’s going on?’
From Daniel’s study further down the hallway she heard the sound of a phone call ending and the squeak of his office chair. As he emerged and walked along the black-and-white tiled floor towards her, she registered the effort he was making to appear normal.
‘You’re back early. What happened to afternoon drinks with the school mums?’
‘I didn’t feel well so I didn’t stay. Why are your bags in the hallway already? You’re not leaving until tomorrow.’
Daniel’s eyes flicked from left to right before landing on the collection of suitcases gathered by the front door. ‘I had to change my flight. They’ve organised a partners’ dinner for tomorrow night and it was going to be too tight if I didn’t fly until the morning. I texted earlier to tell you, just after you left for the gym. I figured your phone must be out of battery.’
Lily’s fingers squeezed around the phone in her pocket which hadn’t run out of battery until her cab journey home. ‘I didn’t get a message from you. I’d have come straight home if I had. When are you leaving?’
A light rash stippled Daniel’s cheeks as he glanced down at his watch. ‘The cab will be here in about ten minutes.’
‘Ten minutes? You were going to leave without saying goodbye?’ Lily thought about the interminable hour of school-mum chat she’d just endured, all the time waiting to see if her phone would ring, to see if Daniel would call to tell her he’d changed his mind.
‘I’m really sorry. Of course I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye. I did message you. But you’ve been out most of the day and I had to take this flight tonight.’
‘What about Phoebe? You can’t leave without saying goodbye to her.’
‘I already have. She’s in her room. She’s fine, Lil, honestly.’
Lily blanched at the thought of Phoebe upstairs having already said her goodbyes. ‘I’m worried about her, Daniel, you know I am. She’s become so … secretive lately. I worry about the impact you being away will have on her.’