She must have thought I was there to ruin the wedding. In her shoes, I might have thought the same thing.
She stepped into the boat, and froze when she saw me. Mr. Dunbar walked on to chat with some guests, but Evelyn bent toward me in my seat and dropped her voice about an octave. “What are you doing here?”
Other guests looked our way. No way was I discussing the Parent Trap plan in public. I shrugged instead. “Kit got sick, so I took her place.”
She glanced around. She arranged her face into a smile. “You were not invited.”
“I noticed that,” I said.
“We thought it would be awkward.”
“It would have been.”
“But here you are.”
“My mother thought it was an oversight.”
“It wasn’t.”
“I’m not going to cause any trouble,” I said at last, lifting my hands in a gesture of innocence. I meant to deescalate, but that just made her madder.
“How can you do this?” she hissed.
It seemed like an overreaction. “Do what?” I asked.
“Come uninvited and sit there like a goblin staring at everybody. It’s creepy.”
Was that what I was doing? “Did you just call me a goblin?”
“Just what are you trying to achieve?”
“I still can’t get past the word ‘goblin.’”
“Chip is moving on, and you should do the same.”
“I agree.”
“But you still had to come here? You still have to make this day, of all days, weird for him?”
I hadn’t come here to make anything weird for anybody. But anger is contagious, I guess. Now, I couldn’t resist. “Chip has made every day of the rest of my life weird for me, so maybe we’re even. Except we’ll never really be even. Unless I paralyze him back.”
Evelyn’s eyelids stretched a bit in surprise, like she suddenly feared that might be why I’d come here: to paralyze the groom. “That’s not funny,” she said.
I looked at her, like, Come on. “It’s a little funny.”
“It’s time for you to go.”
Sometimes you have no choice but to fail. But now was not one of those times. I hadn’t gone through all this just to give up at the end. I had a mother to rescue.
“I’m not leaving,” I said.
But Evelyn leveled a don’t you dare look at me. “You’re leaving,” she said. “Now.” She snapped at the boat crew to come over and deal with me.
Was that how this night was going to end? Me being tossed back onto the dock by an elderly team of Flemish boatmen? I thought about why I was here. I thought about who I wanted to be, and I decided that I wanted to be stronger for my struggles. Wiser, too, if I could. I wanted to be someone who made things better, not worse.
“I’m sorry I cursed at you,” I said to her then.
Evelyn blinked. “What?”
“Back at the hospital. Last year. I used some language that upset you.”
Evelyn pursed her lips at the memory. Her expression didn’t exactly soften, but I could tell I’d surprised her.
“I was hurting, a lot,” I said, “and I lashed out. I guess I thought if other people hurt, too, I might hurt less. But it didn’t make me feel better to hurt you. It made me feel worse. I regret it, and I want you know I’m sorry. I should have been kinder.”
Now she blinked some more.
When the crewman she’d snapped at made it over to us, he did not look like he was there to do her bidding. Instead, he looked like he wanted her to sit down. He started insisting that Evelyn take her seat, gesturing at the line behind her.
The usual Evelyn wouldn’t have stood for it.
But it was like I’d taken the wind out of her self-righteousness. Or maybe I’d just shown her that I came in peace. Whatever it was, she didn’t fight them. Instead, she went all docile and let them lead her to her spot.
*
THE REST OF the wedding party filled the remaining rows, leaving only the two prime center seats—directly across from me—open for Chip and the Whiner, the guests of honor.
Whatever lagniappe of peace had come from my moment with Evelyn, it disappeared at the sight of them cresting the bridge and then descending the steps so glamorously they could have been in slo-mo.
I looked around to check where the boat driver had stashed my chair. As if I might use it to roll away before they could spot me.
Of course, there was no rolling away. Staying right here, trapped in a seat directly across from the two reserved for the bride and groom, was apparently my only option.
I didn’t know what to do with my hands—clasped? loose?—or where to turn my head. Should I gaze out at the swans and pretend I didn’t notice them? Or maybe I should bend my face into a pleasant smile and look right at them on arrival, like, Oh, hello! I didn’t see you there.
Instead, I reached up to rest my fingertips on the silver bar of Ian’s necklace. Courage.
Chip didn’t notice me until after he’d sat down. For a second, as he draped an arm around the Whiner, man-spreading his legs wide and taking in the sight of the canal, I sparked a hope he might never notice me at all.
No luck.
When his gaze drifted to a stop at my face, he leaned forward and flat-out stared. “Margaret?”
At the sound of my name, the Whiner sat up and stared, too.
There she was. Chip’s new me. With a spray tan and too much eyeliner.
Tara. A girl I’d only ever seen in pictures. A girl Chip had compared me to from time to time—but only to point out my superiorities. I made better coffee. I had a better sense of humor. I had more rhythm. Here she was, in the flesh.
She looked awfully pouty.
I gave a little wave and said, “Hey!” like I was just now noticing them. “Happy wedding!”
“I didn’t know you were coming,” Chip said, and in that moment I could just tell: He did not know that I’d been left off the list.
What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. “We all came,” I said, and then added, “Everybody.” Safety in numbers.
Chip looked around for the rest of the Jacobsens but came up short.
“I’ve lost them all now,” I said, like, No biggie.
Then he looked around for my chair but didn’t see it. “Where’s your chair?” he asked. “Do you still need it?”
If my life were a movie, the answer would have been “That old thing? I haven’t seen it in months.” It would’ve been my moment to rise from my seat like a goddess and triumph over Chip and the Whiner and every person who had ever doubted me, including myself: Stand. Triumph. Roll credits.
I had longed for an ending just like that. But that’s not the story I wound up with. And this wasn’t the ending, either.
I pointed toward a storage compartment. “It’s there.”
“So you’re still…”
“Paralyzed,” I said with a nod.
He leaned a little closer, cautiously—like I might be feral. Then he put a big, fake smile on his face, leaned in even more, and said, “How are you?”
That’s when I knew. He pitied me.
The bride was leaning forward, too, now, her arms crossed over her chest, but it wasn’t quite pity on her face.
I matched his expression. “I am super great,” I said, showing all my teeth. “How are you?”
Before Chip could respond, the Whiner jumped in, pulling his focus. “Chip!” she whined (there it was). “What the hell?”
Chip let go of his smile and got serious with me. “Why are you here, again?”
“It’s a long story,” I said.
Chip pushed out a sigh. “Because I’m trying to start fresh here.”
“That’s great,” I said. “I cheer you on.”
“Is that sarcastic?”
“No!”
“I don’t need you to cheer me on, okay?”
I gave another shrug. “Too late.”
My read on the situation at this point: Chip was mostly puzzled, and pitying, and jumping to conclusions about my motivations. But his brand-new wife was only one thing: furious.
“Look,” I said to them both, “I wish you both well, okay? I am not pathetically stalking you. I’ve moved on.”
But neither of them believed me.
That’s when Statler called out from the next row of seats back, “Here to ruin the wedding, huh, Jacobsen?”