As I got closer to town, I thought again of my conversation with Meg and Elly, wherein they had made it clear that though they were ready to take my child, I was not welcome. I had to look no further than Mrs. Madden to understand their position, though I had hoped that in Elly, I might find a sense of family. I had not, and apparently, neither had she.
I reviewed my decision to release Robert and place the children, and I still saw it as the best solution. However, an overwhelming loneliness descended over me as I walked toward the Madden house. I felt as lost and lonely as if I were thirteen again.
ON MY RETURN, I left for the bank with the express purpose of setting up an account according to the need of each child.
With the bank manager’s enthusiastic reception, I wondered if he had not yet heard of my questionable status in Williamsburg society, or if he was willing to overlook it because of the size of my account. He took me back to his office, and as we settled across a desk from each other, he began with superficial conversation. I soon had enough, but when I interrupted him to explain the reason for my visit, he raised his hand to stop me. “Excuse me,” he said, “but before we go any further, I should give you this.” He unlocked his desk drawer to pull forth a letter.
“I would have brought this to you, had I realized you were in town,” he said, handing it over. “This came through a few weeks ago from your lawyer in Philadelphia. I have reason to believe that the contents are sensitive, as his cover letter asked that I present it to you in person. Perhaps you would like to read it before we proceed?”
He busied himself as I broke open the red wax seal of the thick cream-colored envelope.
Dear Mr. Burton,
I write to you with terrible news. Last week my husband, Mr. Cardon, was felled from a weak heart and it has left him quite incapacitated. Since then, he expressed his deep regret at sending Caroline’s child from our home. After some consideration I decided to tell him of my part in placing her with you. Mr. Cardon received the news not with anger, as I had expected, but with joy, and now his only wish is to see her again before he departs this world.
I implore you to find it in your heart to bring our grandchild to visit with Mr. Cardon before it is too late. I give you my word that you will be received as a welcome guest in our home. As for your return, your secret was never revealed, and should you again decide to reside in Philadelphia, my complete support would be yours.
Most humbly,
Cristina Cardon
Disbelief coursed through my body. I stared at the letter, my heart thudding as I read it again. It had been dated three weeks previous. What had happened in the interim? Was Mr. Cardon still alive?
A thousand questions bombarded me. Might this be a ruse so they could take Caroline from me? Or could it mean that I might safely return to Philadelphia and once again take up residence? I must tell Robert! At the thought, I leaped to my feet, my mind racing with the options open to me. The startled bank manager stared at me, and I called on all of my reserves to sit back down and see to the business at hand.
In the end, I drew up papers to provide a substantial yearly sum for the support of Miss Meg and Miss Elly’s school. With that completed, I discussed the business of transferring my monies to Philadelphia. Then I left in haste to make my way back to the Madden household.
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
1830
James
I FOUND ROBERT IN his room. His eyes were red-rimmed when he opened his door, and though surprised that I wanted to enter, he gave me ready access. I didn’t wait for him to speak but instead thrust the letter into his hands.
“Robert, read this,” I said. “Tell me what you think!”
He scanned it, then backed up to sit on the edge of the bed while he read it again. I perched on a chair as I watched his face, unable to keep a grin from my own. He looked over at me. “What does this mean?” he asked.
“Assuming the letter is genuine, it means that we can go home!”
“And who might return with you?” he asked with a surprisingly imperious look.
“Why, Robert, you, of course!”
“And Miss Caroline?” he asked.
“Yes! She would come with us,” I said.
His gaze was unflinching. “And what about Pan and Kitty? Are they still banned from your care?”
I sighed and looked about the small room that Robert was soon to vacate. It was a quarter the size of mine, yet he had arranged it well to suit his needs. Across from the single bed, a clean shirt and a brushed pair of pants hung neatly from pegs on the wall, while under a small washstand set a shining pair of black shoes next to a shoe-polishing kit. I realized I had never been in a room of his and I resolved that in the future, he would have every comfort he might want.
“Robert,” I said, “forgive me. I was wrong. You were right. Whatever comes, we will take the children. All three of them. They are my responsibility. But I will need your help. Can I count on you for that?”
He stood. “Mr. Burton, I did not give you my resignation. I am still at your service as long as you require my help.”
Though it clearly made him uncomfortable, I grasped his hand in both of mine. “Thank you, Robert! For . . . for everything you have done for me,” I said, and this time it was my voice that quavered.
MY DECISION TO leave as quickly as possible was motivated not only by my need to escape Mrs. Madden’s company but also my desire to return home. I had Robert locate and hire two drivers for our carriage that same day. When I went for supper with the women, Robert made the necessary preparations for our small party to leave in the morning.
As we enjoyed our evening meal, I told the two women of my donation to the school and of how they could count on my continued support. Naturally, they expressed deep gratitude, but then I took a deep breath. “I will not go into unnecessary detail, but I am pleased to say that there has been a change in circumstance and I am now free to return to my home in Philadelphia.”
Miss Elly gasped aloud when I announced my decision to take my daughter with me. Unable to contain her tears, she left the room at a run.
“She will see the wisdom in time. After all, you are Caroline’s father,” Miss Meg said. Though her eyes had filled, too, she retained her composure.
“I am so grateful for everything you have done,” I said, “but might I ask one more favor of you?”
“Certainly,” she said.
“I have a package that I need delivered to Belle, and I do not trust it to the post,” I said. “When you travel down for the wedding, would you give it to her?”
She graciously agreed, and I went quickly to my room and returned with the parcel.
“This has great monetary as well as sentimental value,” I said.
“Then it will not leave my side until it is in Belle’s hands,” she promised. I didn’t explain that the package contained a boy’s jacket with jewelry sewn into the seams. Neither did I tell Miss Meg that the contents included a letter I had written that afternoon.
Dear Belle,
I have only recently discovered the circumstances of my conception. To know that you cared for me in spite of the cruelty you suffered argues that the goodness in humanity can survive through the most difficult challenges.
Only recently have I come to acknowledge that I have been living a life of fear. I was driven by hatred for those of the colored race, instilled in me from a grandmother I loved and a society that supports her beliefs.
I once considered the Negro unfeeling and mindless, closer to an animal than a human being. I have since come to know the true Negro; I have seen the bravery and superior intelligence that it takes for one of color to survive under the cruelest of conditions. Though I still puzzle at my place in all of this, I hope that I have inherited the kindness and strength of your good spirit.
I do not know for certain what my future holds, but I believe that I will continue to live as a white man. Certainly it is the easiest path, though I now have two Negro children in my charge. I plan to raise and care for them as I would my own. How that will play out remains to be seen.