Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals

I always feel so bad when I observe this happening to the dreamers around me. It’s too easy to fall into time-wasters and busywork that get you nowhere closer to your goal. I used to do this all the time when I was a young author.

Back then, I had a really bad habit of rereading what I had written over and over and over. I would sit down to “write” for an hour and spend forty-five minutes reading what I’d already written and inevitably editing as I went along. For months I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t making any real, tangible progress toward getting to my final word count. I wasn’t getting anywhere because I wasn’t actually doing any new work. I was just like the bros sitting next to me at the coffee shop. My guess is they’ll have all sorts of collab sessions like the one they had today and finally give up on the idea they’re pursuing because it’s not getting anywhere. If they’re anything like I was, they won’t even realize that it’s not the idea’s fault that nothing happened. It’s their own.

Have you ever worked on a goal, putting in all kinds of hours, and not made any tangible progress? My guess is it was because you didn’t understand what to focus on. You thought what you needed was the time to pursue your dream, when really what you needed was to use the time you do have in an impactful way. To help you not fall into the trap of distraction disguised as productivity, here’s every single thing I can think of that I’ve taught myself over the last decade to be not just productive but highly productive!


1. REPLACE YOUR TO-DO LIST WITH A RESULTS LIST

Remember in the last chapter when I talked about creating your road map? I mean, of course you do, that was like five minutes ago. But on the off chance you’re like Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates and your memory is faulty, I’ll remind you that your road map to your goal includes mile markers along the way. These are the stepping stones that you use to keep you focused in the direction you’re headed. In order to work effectively, you need to always be working toward your next mile marker. The problem is, like those guys at the coffee shop or me in my early days of writing, it can often feel like you’re working toward your next mile marker when really you’re just making wider and wider circles around your current location. So, to counteract this tendency, when you sit down to work from now until forever, I want you to stop making to-do lists.

The average woman’s to-do list is approximately 319 items long, which means you’re never going to get through it anyway. Also, if you’re anything like me back in the day, you’ll spend your entire work time doing the easiest items on your to-do list, simply so you can have some items crossed out. But since none of those items get you anywhere closer to your next mile marker, it’s all a big waste of time. So, let’s let go of the idea of a to-do list and focus instead on creating a results list. And by “result,” I mean, what is the end result I’m looking for from this work session?

A to-do list might have a line item that says “work on manuscript,” but that’s so nebulous. That could mean anything, and if you’re already struggling to be productive, your brain will seize on any excuse to mark something as complete. So, if I daydream about a title for this book, is that working on the manuscript? If I rewrite a paragraph four times, is that working on the manuscript? If I go to drinks with a fellow author and we discuss plot points, is that working on the manuscript? No. None of it counts as working on the manuscript when what I really need is to get closer to turning in this book on time.

Right now the only thing that matters is word count. Right now I need to spend every waking minute building one sentence on top of another in order to turn this in on time. So, on my results list I will list: write 2,500 words. That’s the result I want. There’s no way to sort of write 2,500 words. You either do it or you don’t. And PS, for all my fellow writers who dream of having a completed nonfiction manuscript, having a mile marker of “write 2,500 words” twenty-six times would get you there.

Let’s say you’ve decided to set and achieve a new target for your direct sales organization. Your to-do list could have “hit new sales target” on it, but that’s so open-ended. I mean, how in the world is that any direction or focus for your brain? If I talk to three new prospective clients, does that count? If I spend an hour researching how to grow in a sales organization, is that good enough? Maybe, if you’re just trying to stay up-to-date in your industry, but if you want to get something you’ve never had, you’ve got to do things you’ve never done. Your results list should be specific: “reach out to one hundred new prospective clients every day” or “close four new contracts every week” or “increase the average sale per existing customer by 3 percent to raise overall revenue numbers.”

Notice with that last one it’s very focused. I like results that are specific and about more than the goal, that are also about expanding on ways to achieve the same outcome. If the last time I tried to increase my business I focused only on locking in new customers and it was difficult, I can step back and ask myself if there’s a smarter way to achieve the same outcome. For instance, I could look at doing more with the clients I do have. Could I send out more emails? Can I create a process to make it easier to sell? Can I be more intentional about upselling to increase overall revenue without having to add a new client base? In this instance my goal is actually increased revenue, but I’ve gotten so bogged down in my to-do list that I haven’t stopped to consider it in a different light. If I don’t write down the result that I’m looking for first, my brain can’t help me ask the right questions to get me closer to my actual goal.

So make a results list, not a to-do list. That daily results list should never be longer than five bullet points. In fact, my daily results list is typically only two or three points long at most. Because the items I’m writing down are major moves for me, when I’m able to knock out even one of them I feel ecstatic. If you overwhelm your list you’re going to end every single working period feeling like you didn’t accomplish much when, in reality, if you’ve completed at least one ideal result that pushes you closer to the next mile marker, you are wildly accomplished. That feeling of wild accomplishment needs to be your new habit. You need to make it your goal during every single working period. Not that you set aside time to work, but that you worked to accomplish the right things.





2. REEVALUATE EFFICIENCY


Knowing the right result to aim for is honestly half the battle. If you started working toward completing one ideal result for every working period and you did it consistently for the next three weeks, I think you’d be shocked to see how much progress you made. But there’s something you can do to push this a little further, a little faster. Frankly, I don’t know anyone working their way toward a goal who wouldn’t love to get there ahead of schedule. So once you’ve got a clear mile marker in your future and you know the best results to aim for to get closer to it, the next question you want to ask yourself is, Is there something I could be doing that would make this more efficient?

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