Fight or Flight

He stared at me, I think trying to discern if I was being sincere. “That’s surprising.”

Uncomfortable with the way his eyes bore through me, I decided it was definitely time for a subject change. “So this family of yours … do they know you’re obnoxiously rude?”

“Why would they? I’m nice tae them.”

“Oh, so you admit that you’re mean to me?”

“Maybe I am. Maybe I need tae be.”

That enigmatic answer infuriated me almost more than anything else he’d said. “What does that mean?”

The freeze in his eyes suddenly warmed. “It means”—his deep voice juddered a little as the plane bounced onto the runway—“I need you tae hate me.”

I screwed up my face. “What kind of bullcrap is that?”

His lips twitched as he studied me. “The kind that means you won’t be amenable tae sleeping with me.”

Genuine surprise locked me in place. “Excuse me?”

“You don’t want tae sleep with me, do you?”

“No,” I answered emphatically, because as much as I was unwillingly attracted to him, I really didn’t like him. More than that, I didn’t respect him.

I thought I saw a flicker of displeasure in his expression at my sincere reply. “Good,” he bit out, and looked away. I knew the moment he realized we’d landed because he turned back to me. His countenance softened just a little. It was a look that said the words he was apparently incapable of saying out loud.

I thought I might have imagined the silent thank you until he gave me a curt nod.

I nodded back.

Quite abruptly he snapped off his seat belt and got up as everyone else did. Maybe it was his appearance, but the other passengers seemed to move out of his way after he grabbed his laptop bag out of the overhead. He strode past them down the aisle to wait in the galley to be let off the plane first.

Without another word.

Without even looking back at me.

“So rude.”





Five


For the life of me, I couldn’t remember the last time a shower had felt so good. The water pounded down on my shoulders, easing the tension, and they automatically dropped from where they’d been hunched up around my neck. As much as I wanted to be back in Boston, I was happy to be out of Arizona. I usually found O’Hare intimidating because of its size and how busy it was, but right then I didn’t care. All I cared about was that I had made it to a hotel room, that the concierge had arranged to dry-clean a few of my outfits so I’d have something to wear down to dinner that evening, and that I’d finally sleep well miles away from my hometown.

Rather than get on a shuttle to some other hotel farther from the airport, I decided to stay at the hotel with an indoor walkway between it and the domestic terminals. The rooms boasted sound-resistant windows, I had a great view of the runway from the floor-to-ceiling window in the separate living room, and it meant I could sleep in a little longer before my flight in the morning.

As soon as I’d arrived at the hotel, I’d called Harper to let her know I’d landed and confessed to her how much my whole body had seemed to relax as soon as I’d stepped off that airplane. Just knowing I was out of Phoenix had a massive effect on my body. It was like King Kong had snatched me up, squeezing me tight in his whole fist from the moment I’d landed in Arizona, kept hold of me during my stay in Arcadia, and finally as soon as I knew for certain I was in Illinois, the big ape let me go to return from whence he came.

Nick’s face flashed across my mind. Grief-stricken. Confused. Angry.

It was followed by the accusatory expressions of all the people who used to be my friends.

“She died still thinking this was all her fault. It wasn’t all her fault. We were to blame too. But you couldn’t let it go, Ava. You couldn’t forgive her. Now you can live the rest of your life knowing I’ll never forgive you.”

I didn’t care if Nick would never forgive me. But I cared that I had never forgiven Gemma.

Once upon a time Gem had been the closest thing I had to a real family.

And just like that, memories I’d been trying to hold at bay flooded in …

This is going to be the greatest three days of our lives!” Gemma whooped, throwing her hands in the air as the wind whipped her shoulder-length dark hair behind her.

I threw my best friend a wide grin before turning my attention back to the road. Excitement filled me as I drove my blue convertible west down the I-10. It was the end of April, we had all but graduated from high school since the ceremony was just a few weeks away, and we were about to have our first real taste of freedom.

“Coachella 2006, baby!” Gem yelled again.

“Could you be any more excited?” I shouted over the sound of the car radio.

I felt her warm hazel eyes on my face. “Bree-Bree”—she called me by her childhood nickname for me—“this is the first day of our lives. For the last three years we’ve had to suffer under the authority of my parents at Coachella. Finally, we are eighteen, fully grown adults who can set up camp without my father complaining that the music is too loud while my mother whines about sleeping in a tent. Now, I love that they love me so much they would put up with going to a music festival for me every year. But I can’t say I’m not freaking excited that me and my best girl get to do Coachella on our own together.”

“I can’t believe your parents agreed to it.” And I couldn’t. My parents didn’t even flinch when I told them Gem and I had bought a parking spot at Coachella and were cutting school for two days to drive to California. We’d arrive that night, stay at a hotel, and then park up the next day, a Friday, in the spot we’d paid for. All by ourselves.

“They trust me.”

I snorted, thinking of all the crazy stuff Gem got up to behind her parents’ backs. The only reason they thought she was trustworthy was because I was there to make sure she was always okay. That was me. Miss Responsible.

“What?” She chuckled. “I’m trustworthy.”

“Well, of course your parents think that. They don’t know about Kade Moreno and his pickup truck three years ago.”

“Well, yeah. No parent should ever know how their kid lost her virginity.”

“Or that they lost it to the biggest manwhore in the entire state.”

“He was experienced.”

“Yeah, because he’s a manwhore.”

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Just because I have crappy taste in boys does not mean I’m not trustworthy.”

“You took their Range Rover on a joyride to impress Styler James and let your mom take the blame for the dent you put in it.”

“Yeah, but I felt bad about that. Styler so wasn’t worth it.”

“And what about the time you challenged Pete Manning to a beer-chugging competition and Nick had to carry you out of there? We kept you hidden until you were sober and well enough to go home.”

“Are you, like, keeping a journal of all my misdemeanors?” Gem laughed. “You make me sound way more wild than I am.”

“You are wild.”

“Luckily I have you to always make sure I don’t go too far over the line.” She threw her arm around my shoulders and gave me an affectionate squeeze before releasing me.

The familiar citrusy smell of her shampoo tickled my nose and with it I was suddenly flooded by love and concern for my best friend. My whole life my best friends Gem and Nick had been more like family to me than my own. Especially Gem. She was the sister I never had. The one person I could turn to for everything. I could turn to Nick for a lot of things too, but he was my boyfriend. It was different.

I could tell Gem absolutely anything and she would never judge me. I had her love and her loyalty and she had mine in return, plus my overprotectiveness toward her. In a few short months we would be at college and it would be the first time since we were four years old that we’d be apart.

“I’ll be three hours away when we go to college,” I said. “I won’t be there for you then.”