This time the tears that spilled down my cheek were for me, because I’d let Nick and Gem take so much and now here I was, in love with a man who was afraid to love anyone. “I gave up on that dream a while ago.”
“Aye,” he whispered, holding on to my hands tightly. “Me too.”
Twenty-seven
There are many different kinds of love in this world. I knew that. Silly me, however, to think I could control my complex heart by telling it what kind of love it was allowed to feel.
You’re not allowed to love a man romantically, I told it.
I’ll do what I want, it eventually replied.
Reeling by how heartbroken I felt for Caleb and the obvious conclusion that I had fallen in love with him, I was the perfect companion for him that evening. Lost in the emotions I’d forced him to face, we sat together with the TV on but neither of us really watched the movie. We were handling our own feelings but with a reassuring presence beside us.
Moreover, he didn’t ask me to leave and I didn’t tell him I was going to. Instead we got into bed together and for the first time we just held each other until we fell asleep.
I thought it was beautiful.
The beginning of something.
Little did I know it was the biggest mistake I’d made with Caleb thus far.
When I woke up in his bed the next morning, I was alone. I quickly washed in the bathroom and put on the wrinkled clothes I’d worn yesterday. I wandered out into the apartment only to be greeted by a pajama-clad Jamie eating a bowl of cereal. He swallowed his food at the sight of me.
“Morning, Ava.”
“Good morning.” I searched the apartment but there was absolutely no sign of Caleb. “Where’s your brother?”
Jamie frowned and stared determinedly ahead at the television as he replied, “Oh, he asked me tae tell you that he got called into the office. Some emergency.”
There was something off about the way he said it, but I didn’t know him well enough to know if he was lying. Still, my heart began to pound and a queasy, uneasy feeling began to roil in my stomach. “Will he be gone all morning?”
“All day.”
“Oh.” What the hell was going on? “Right. I’ll get going. See you later.”
“Bye, Ava.”
There was something in his tone that made me look back at him. As if he was really saying good-bye. But he was still watching the TV like nothing out of the ordinary was happening, so I shoved away the thought, assuming I was paranoid.
As it turned out … I was not at all paranoid.
SATURDAY, JUNE 2, 4:43 P.M.
Ava: Hope everything is okay at work? Are you free tonight?
Caleb: In middle of crisis. Looks like I’ll be working well into the night to fix it.
Ava: Okay. I could swing by the office with food and coffee if you need it?
Caleb: No, we’re fine.
SUNDAY, JUNE 3, 2:23 P.M.
Ava: Crisis averted?
Caleb: Getting there.
Ava: Call me when you’re free.
TUESDAY, JUNE 5, 7:36 A.M.
Ava: Free for lunch?
Caleb: Not today.
FRIDAY, JUNE 8, 9:32 P.M.
Ava: I’m at the bar at Canterbury, hanging with Harper. Come meet us.
Caleb: Busy. Sorry.
Ava: We need to talk.
Caleb: I’ll call you tomorrow.
SUNDAY, JUNE 10, 10:01 A.M.
Ava: You didn’t call.
Caleb: Busy week. I’ll call you later.
I stared at my phone, my friend’s chatter with the real estate agent background noise to my growing anger and frustration. That was putting it mildly. The last week of Caleb avoiding me had filled me with such anxiety and outrage it was a wonder I was able to focus on work at all. He made me feel like a clingy girlfriend.
I just wanted him to be honest, even if that honesty was going to break my heart.
The studio apartment we were standing in was the one in Caleb’s building. It was on the second floor, had a view of the water from the windows in the kitchen/ living room/ bedroom, and the entire thing could probably fit into Caleb’s living room on the sixteenth floor.
For its steep rental price, it was a tiny 460 square feet, but it was thirteen hundred dollars a month cheaper than my rent and it came with security personnel and access to an indoor and outdoor pool, sauna, and gym.
“I’d feel safe here,” Harper said, spinning slowly around in the space.
It was our third viewing of the apartment, and because I sensed Harper was on the verge of choosing this place I decided I needed to fess up to her.
“Could you give us a minute?” I asked the real estate agent.
He nodded. “I’ll be outside.”
I waited until the apartment door closed behind him and turned to an expectant Harper.
“What’s up?”
Although her wrist was still in a cast and her ribs still hurt, she was looking a million times better. I was glad. It was hard to look at her all bruised and battered and not want to kill someone. “Confession time.”
She frowned. “Okay?”
“Caleb lives in this building. His brother Jamie is staying with him indefinitely too.”
“Why didn’t you say anything before?”
“I didn’t want it to affect your decision and I liked how secure this place was. But it’s not up to me and you should know that you’ll probably see them around if you rent this place.”
Harper nodded, the excitement dimming from her eyes as she surveyed the space again. I waited as she walked slowly over to the window and stared out across the water at Boston Harbor. “What must they think of me?”
“Not at all what you’re thinking they think,” I said instantly. “They were angry for you, Harper, not at you.”
“Then I shouldn’t be afraid to face them.” Her shoulders straightened and she turned to me, looking determined. “I can’t let other people’s opinions sway my decisions. And I can’t let Vince win that way, you know. Time to be brave.”
I nodded in agreement.
“I feel safe here. I’m taking it.”
“I’m glad.” I gave her a relieved smile.
“And you”—she stepped toward me, her expression sober—“you need to be brave too, Ava. No more letting Nick win. Because that’s what you’ll be doing if you don’t tell Caleb the truth. You need to tell him that you love him.”
I couldn’t even pretend to be surprised that she’d worked it out, probably long before I did. “How did you know?”
“The way you talk about him. Especially now, after how he was with me that night … it changed things for you. You love him. And I know not seeing him all week has you paranoid and upset. Go work it out.”
Emotion choked me, so all I could do was nod.
Harper smiled a real smile for the first time in weeks. “He loves you too, Ava. I know it. Make him admit it. Please. One of us needs to get a happily ever after.” When she just continued to stare at me, I fully comprehended her meaning.
“What? Now?”
“He lives in this building, right?” She smiled.
My pulse instantly sped up at the thought of just showing up at Caleb’s place. There was no denying he was giving me the brush-off this week and I knew that it was because of everything he’d told me about Carissa. He had made himself vulnerable to me and I was pretty sure it had spooked him.
However, I knew Harper was right. I couldn’t go on pretending I didn’t love him and I definitely wanted to stop running away from my feelings.
“Okay.”
Harper grinned and grabbed me by the shoulders. “You can do this. Go. I’ll get all the paperwork signed for this place, and if you and Caleb work things out, text me and I’ll just head back to the apartment.”
“Are you sure?” An angry swarm of butterflies suddenly erupted in my belly. “Oh, I feel a little sick.”
“That’s because this matters.” She turned me around to face the door and then slapped my ass. “Go get him, tiger.”
I rolled my eyes but released a nervous little laugh that made me feel marginally better.
By the time the elevator took me up to the sixteenth floor, however, my heart was racing so fast I thought I might pass out. Breathing in and out slowly as I stood outside his apartment door, I fought for calm, and reminded myself that, no matter what, this was Caleb. I could trust him to be totally honest with me and I’d have closure, one way or another.