Even so, I knew he was not seeing Lily anymore, and that was official. The wedding venue had been canceled, Ava and Gray had reported to me excitedly one day, and after losing her beloved grandmother and her fiancé in the same month, Lily had decided to check into a Utah-based rehab center to treat her addiction to alcohol.
Ava and Grayson were obsessed with my post-Célian life. They seemed to know every single detail I wasn’t privy to—like how Milton had been fired from The Thinking Man and was now working as a researcher at some local newspaper nobody had heard of. Or how Célian was packing his things and getting ready to move away. I couldn’t bear the idea of not seeing Célian every day, but I also knew I didn’t have it in me to be hurt by him again.
Nevertheless today, a Friday, when he served his last day at LBC and everyone stood in line to shake his hand and thank him for what many considered a national service, I did, too.
He squeezed my hand. “Judith.”
“Si…” I started to call him sir, knowing he hated it, before sparing both of us more headache. “Célian.” I shook my head, offering him a timid smile. “Thank you for everything.”
“No need to thank me. It was only a fraction of what I was planning to give you, anyway,” he said dryly, but his eyes were two pools of misery. It felt like I was drowning into their depths, unable to come up for air.
I shuffled a little to the side, making room for Jessica behind me. He squeezed my hand harder. “Read the notes, Judith.”
“Safe travels.” I ducked my head and went straight to the bathroom.
Brianna waited for me there with two open mini bottles of Jack Daniels.
The burn of the alcohol barely touched my throat. It slid straight to my chest. Standing there, in the unsanitary women’s bathroom, made me realize what having good friends was all about. And I was darn glad I’d made a good friend in Brianna.
In the end, it was a Sunday afternoon when everything changed—when I changed. I realized it really didn’t matter how Célian had treated me, because love was not a chess game. It was Twister. You got all wrapped up and stumbled over your own feet, but that was part of its charm.
I had holed up in the library, as per usual. I knew Célian had been spending time with Dad every Sunday, religiously, and how it was important to both of them. Dad had Mrs. Hawthorne and me every day of the week, but he missed the buddies he’d once had at work, and Célian was his dose of testosterone. I tried not to be bitter about how easily and quickly he’d forgiven Célian, but the sad truth was, even I couldn’t hate him. Not really. Not all the way. Not the way I so desperately wanted to hate the man who’d quite ironically made me realize I could love.
Phoenix found me at the library. He was the one to sneak us in some candy this time. He looked perky and mischievous today, and better than he had the last few weeks.
He seemed like the guy I’d met the first time, when he’d approached me at this very library.
“What’s with you? You look different.” I stole a handful of Sour Patch Kids from his bag.
He chewed on his candy as he began to flip through the pages of The Times. “Different how?”
“Hmm…” I looked left and right, feeling uncomfortable. “Happy?”
“I am happy.” He laughed. “It’s not a foreign concept. You should try it, too.”
“Maybe it’s contagious and I’ll catch it from you,” I mused.
But that was wishful thinking, and I knew it. I was operating on autopilot, going through the motions, when really, all I could think about was the fact that Célian was probably in my apartment right now, and possibly for the last time, leaving his scent and testosterone and sexy air all over the place. Ugh.
“Actually, I’m also pretty happy because I have a lead to give you.” Phoenix snapped the paper shut, his eyes zeroing in on mine. I closed my copy of The New Yorker and arched an eyebrow. He leaned across the table between us and squeezed my hand. “I think you’re going to appreciate this one.”
“Then why are you giving it to me?”
I’d been here for Phoenix since he’d gotten back from Syria. I’d refused to take Célian’s side and choose between them, even though many women probably would have. But that still didn’t warrant all the help he’d given me. I knew he was a freelancer, and he didn’t particularly need the money, but I was beginning to feel uncomfortable at how much I owed him in leads and sources. Part of the reason I’d become appreciated and adored in the newsroom was because he’d handed me a lot of gems that should have been his.
“This one has your name all over it,” he insisted.
“Why?” I asked.
No matter what Célian said, Phoenix was a good journalist. He had friends everywhere. He was charming and approachable. Since he’d gotten back to New York, he’d spent every evening hitting the trendy Manhattan bars where journalists swarmed and had made more contacts, even though he didn’t drink a drop of alcohol. He knew everyone and everything—his father’s son through and through. And James Townley? I was pretty certain he had a direct line to Jesus himself.
Jesus: “I was wondering when you were going to give me a comeback.”
“Because,” Phoenix said, snapping a purple Sour Patch in half between his teeth and flashing me a smirk, “it literally does have your name on it. Now, do you promise not to freak the hell out when I show you what my father found?”
“Your father?” My eyes widened. “James Townley did some actual journalistic work?” I didn’t mean to be rude or anything, but I figured he didn’t need to, seeing as he was a news god.
Phoenix waggled his brows. “Let’s just say he had some open business with the person in question, so when he overheard this hot piece of gossip, he was eager to dig up the bone at the end of that hole. Turned out the bone was meaty.”
“Okay.” My teeth sank to my lower lip. “Tell me.”
He did.
Everything.
Then he slid a file across the table.
I shoved it in my backpack and bolted to the train station.
I had to show it to Célian.
And I knew exactly where to find him.
…Or maybe I didn’t.
Our apartment was empty when I got to it. I climbed up to Mrs. Hawthorne’s place, but she said Célian and my dad had left in a cab a couple hours before. She asked if I wanted to come in for tea. I told her I did, but not right now, and I could see the disappointment in her face. I pulled the sleeve of her dress and hugged her on her threshold without warning. She yelped at the sudden gesture, but eased into the hug after a second. She patted my back.
“I would like to get to know you better, Jude. I see how well you take care of your father, and I admire that. A lot.”
“We will,” I promised, and I meant it, even though my mind was elsewhere—with the hot news I wanted to deliver. “I promise. I don’t take all you do for Dad for granted, either. We will spend some time together. I know we will.”
I then took the stairs three at a time, hitting the call button frantically. Célian’s phone went straight to voicemail. I would’ve thought the worst if I didn’t know he was with my dad.
Dad.
Oh, God, Dad.
I threw my backpack on the floor and started calling my father. He’d seemed okay before I left the house. He seemed okay in general. They said the tumor was shrinking, but how promising was it? It was an experimental treatment, and he was still weak. He never left the building. Ever. Now he was out with Célian, god-knows-where, and I was supposed to do…what, exactly? Sit around and wait for his safe return?
I started sending him and Célian messages simultaneously. For Dad, it was the usual call me back/I’m worried/you should have left a note/when are you coming back. With Célian, however, I allowed myself to be more creative. Maybe it was the pent-up anger I’d harbored for the past eight weeks that did it.
Jude: Where’s my dad?
Jude: I’m going to kill you, Célian.
Jude: (Not literally, in case this message finds its way to the authorities)
Jude: I’m so worried. Please have him call me.