I stopped beside him, not saying anything at first. I wanted him to start this conversation, to give me an easy in. For once I was being the coward, but guilt always made me uncomfortable.
Eventually I cleared my throat. Gray flicked away the cigarette. He looked older than I remembered him and a fresh cut marred his left cheek.
“Won’t you say something?” I asked.
Still nothing.
“Maybe explain why you wanted to kill me by sending me along the mined track?”
I had to admit it fucking hurt thinking that Gray wanted me dead, that he hated me enough to want to see me being ripped apart by a booby trap. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised.
“Swear that you didn’t kill our father,” he whispered.
“He was your father and not a very good one.”
Gray’s eyes widened in realization. “You really killed him!”
He pushed to his feet and shoved my chest, making me stumble back a step. “You killed our father!”
I raised my hands. I had absolutely no intention of fighting with Gray. “He wasn’t the man we both wanted him to be.”
“So what? He took you in and raised you, and you betrayed and killed him.”
“Mom raised us, and Earl made us part of Tartarus. We were more his soldiers than his sons, you know that.”
“You had no right to kill him!” Gray turned away, wiping over his eyes angrily. He was still a boy in many regards. He didn’t have Earl’s or my toughness yet, he had a soft heart. That would probably change eventually, especially if he kept living the MC life but I didn’t want it to happen to him. For some reason, I imagined Gray living his life as a musician, touring small clubs with his guitar and singing corny love songs to sweet small-town girls.
“It was either me killing him, or Luca Vitiello. Would you have really preferred for Earl to die at the hands of that madman?”
I doubt I could have killed Earl as easily if the situation had been different. Despite the aversion between us in the end and him trying to have me eaten by dogs, he had been a father figure for most of my life.
“He wouldn’t have had to die if you hadn’t given Vitiello our location. You betrayed us and the club. You betrayed me.”
I realized for the first time that Gray wasn’t only pissed and sad, he was also hurt by my actions. His eyes brimmed with pain. I tried to touch his shoulder but he stepped out of reach and so I dropped my hand. “You know why I did it. I explained it to you. And I never meant to betray you, Gray. You hated what we’d done as much as I did. You aren’t someone who’d ever hurt an innocent woman. But Earl didn’t want to listen to reason.”
Gray sank back down on the stone and lit another cigarette.
“Have a smoke for me?” I asked. I had enough cigarettes in my back pocket but I wanted to see what Gray would say. He held out his packet to me without a word. I took a cigarette and Gray gave me fire.
“I didn’t want you to be killed by booby traps,” he muttered.
I cocked an eyebrow in doubt.
Gray shrugged. “I was certain you wouldn’t listen to me. Nobody ever does.”
“I would have listened if Gunnar hadn’t interfered.”
“I would have stopped you.”
I decided to believe him. The situation between us was messed up enough. I didn’t want to pour fuel into the fire. “What happened to your cheek?”
“I defended you. When the guys started saying you killed Earl, I got into a fight. I pulled a knife. They did too, and one of them cut my cheek.”
“You’re lucky they didn’t kill you. Knife fights aren’t your specialty, Gray.”
Gray glared. “I shouldn’t have defended you. That was my mistake. They were right after all. You killed him. I thought the Italians were spreading rumors to get you killed.”
“Do you know who spread the rumors about me?” I asked.
Gray shook his head. “I stayed away from the mob. I wouldn’t have listened to them anyway. And I didn’t listen to Roland and the other guys either when they told me. They probably know names.”
I’d have to talk to them then. I needed to find the mole who wanted me dead. Though the list was getting longer and longer by the day.
Gray met my gaze, a reproachful glint in his eyes. “What do you want? You aren’t welcome here. Half of Tartarus wants your head. I doubt you’re here to see me.”
“I am. I was worried about you,” I said.
Gray scoffed. “I escaped the Famiglia. I can survive on my own.”
“I know.” I finally took a pull from my cigarette which had burned down halfway by now. “What does the other half of Tartarus want?” I asked curiously.
Gray glowered. “They thought Earl needed to be reined in and think that’s what you did. They are wary of you because of the Italians though. Are you really working for them?”
“Not for them, but I’m working with them to find those who are still loyal to Earl and who intend to finish what he couldn’t. I’ll protect Marcella no matter the cost.”
Gray’s mouth twisted. “Everyone’s saying she’s leading you around by the balls because she wants to use you.”
“Marcella doesn’t have reason to use me. Once her father saved her, she could have dropped me like a hot potato, but she made sure I was safe.”
“You love her?”
I’d been pondering that question myself even after I told her. I’d never told a girl I loved her before, and I wasn’t sure how to really know when you crossed the line between having a crush and really loving someone but giving up the life you knew for someone seemed like a pretty good indicator.
“I do.”
Gray nodded.
“Does Gunnar know who spread the rumors about me?” I wanted to change the topic. Talking emotions, especially love, with Gray made me uncomfortable. I preferred to keep my emotions and thoughts to myself.
“Gunnar stayed away from the Italians like I did. He barely escaped alive.”
I had been surprised that Gunnar had made it out alive, I had to admit, but his obsession with survival training must have come in handy.
“You think it’s safe for me to talk to the guys in the hut to see if they can tell me more?”
Gray nodded. “Gunnar’s really pissed at you, in case you’re wondering. More than the others anyway. So if anyone kills you, it would be him.”
Gunnar didn’t seem overly hostile, at least not more than could be expected. If I had been in his stead, I would have been pissed too.
“Who are the guys with Gunnar? He said Roland was there.”
“Roland came back this morning after running a few errands. We needed money, The others are just a couple of guys who left in the early days of Earl’s revenge quest. Richie, Kurt, and Bean.”
I remembered all of the guys, but I hadn’t talked to them in forever. “And none of them are going to put a bullet in my head?”