All about Me!: My Remarkable Life in Show Business

Dick Gautier played Robin Hood. I had seen him on the Broadway stage in Bye Bye Birdie as Conrad Birdie and he brought his wonderfully comic talent to the role. We rounded out the cast with Dick Van Patten, Bernie Kopell (the evil Siegfried from Get Smart), Henry Polic, II, Richard Dimitri, and our Maid Marian was played by the lovely and talented Misty Rowe. The first season ran for thirteen episodes in 1975. We shot the episodes like we were making a film, as opposed to the three-camera sitcoms, which were much less expensive but didn’t have the same quality. The best one we did was with Sid Caesar as a guest star, playing the French ambassador. Our ratings weren’t bad, and we got some nice notices, so I thought the series was going to go places. And then, BANG! ABC decided it was too expensive to make and pulled the plug. The cancellation was sudden and unexpected.

I thought, They’re standing in line to see Mel Brooks movies, and I’m giving them free Mel Brooks on television and ABC just cancels it? Well, that’s show business. Ups and downs. We can only hope we get more ups than downs.

    But little did I know that Robin Hood was still in my future…

Sometime in 1992, a talented young writer by the name of J. D. Shapiro came to me with a wonderful new take on the classic Robin Hood story. He was a pleasure to work with and in no time, we had a script worth making.

I stole my Robin Hood once again from Rob Reiner, from whom I had earlier stolen Daphne Zuniga for Spaceballs. In Rob’s magical picture The Princess Bride (1987) I found my perfect Robin Hood: Cary Elwes. He had the look, the voice, and the charm. I thought he could possibly be the next Errol Flynn! Cary was a delight to work with; we got along really well on the set and to this day we are still good friends.



     Cary Elwes as Robin Hood using half a dozen arrows to make sure he hits his target.



One scene from the movie I particularly love is the exchange between Cary and Mark Blankfield, who played Blinkin. Upon Robin’s return from the crusades, Blinkin catches him up on what’s happened to his family during his absence:

Blinkin: …this never would have happened if your father was alive.

Robin Hood: He’s dead?

Blinkin: Yes…

Robin Hood: And my mother?

Blinkin: She died of pneumonia while…Oh, you were away!

Robin Hood: My brothers?

Blinkin: They were all killed by the plague.

Robin Hood: My dog, Pongo?

Blinkin: Run over by a carriage.

Robin Hood: My goldfish, Goldie?

Blinkin: Eaten by the cat.

Robin Hood: [on the verge of tears] My cat?

Blinkin: Choked on the goldfish.

…Oh, it’s good to be home, ain’t it, Master Robin?





* * *





The bewitching, beautiful, and downright funny Amy Yasbeck became our Maid Marian. She had gorgeous flaming red hair and her comic timing was perfect. She was all in on our running gag where she wore a heavy iron chastity belt that clanked every time she sat down.

We got the talented Roger Rees to play our renamed sheriff of “Rottingham,” and Dick Van Patten (the only actor to appear in both of my Robin Hoods) played “the Abbot,” so named so that I could steal the “Hey, Abbott!” catchphrase from Abbott and Costello.

One of my favorite comedians, Richard Lewis, was cast as the evil Prince John. He was the most unlikely, against-type Prince John that ever lived. We gave him a big mole on his cheek, and in every scene, it moved to another place on his face.

We were lucky enough to get Tracey Ullman to play Madame Latrine. I don’t use the G-word very often because it’s so overused. But as far as genius is concerned, I know only two for sure—Orson Welles and Tracey Ullman. She can do so many characters with such perfection. She can be poignant. She can be bizarre. And she is always hysterically funny.

    She and Richard Lewis have one of my favorite exchanges in the movie:

Prince John: Such an unusual name, “Latrine.” How did your family come by it?

Madame Latrine: We changed it in the ninth century.

Prince John: You mean you changed it to “Latrine”?

Madame Latrine: Yeah. Used to be “Shithouse.”

Prince John: …It’s a good change. That’s a good change!



      Cary Elwes as Robin Hood and funnyman Dave Chappelle as his sidekick, Ahchoo.





* * *





I looked everywhere for a good sidekick for Robin Hood. I saw forty or fifty different people for the role of Ahchoo, and none of them really clicked. And then there was this skinny little kid. He came up and began reading the lines in a very simple and funny way. His name was Dave Chappelle and he was relatively unknown. But nevertheless, I fell madly in love with him. I knew he would make the perfect buddy. Dave was wonderful. He came through one hundred percent.



* * *







     Here I am as Rabbi Tuckman, marrying Amy Yasbeck as Maid Marian and Cary Elwes as Robin Hood.



He scores with a great line after Robin appoints him to be the new sheriff and the puzzled crowd yells back, “A black sheriff?”

Dave responds with: “And why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.”



* * *





Coming off of Life Stinks, I was really enjoying wearing my actor’s hat in my own movies. At first, I couldn’t find a part for me to play in Robin Hood. Then it occurred to me—of course! Instead of Friar Tuck, I could play “Rabbi Tuckman.”

We wrote some funny dialogue between the rabbi and Robin Hood:

Rabbi Tuckman: And who might you be, with the exceptionally long feather in your hat?

Robin Hood: I am Robin of Loxley.

     Rabbi Tuckman: Robin of Loxley? I’ve just come from Maid Marian, the lady whose heart you’ve stolen, you prince of thieves, you! I knew her mother and father before they were taken by the plague, Lord and Lady Bagelle. You know, you two were made for each other, you and Maid Marian. What a combination. Loxley and Bagelle! It can’t miss!





* * *





I could go on and on about our wonderful cast for Robin Hood: Men in Tights. We were so lucky to get Eric Allan Kramer as Little John, Matthew Porretta as Will Scarlet O’Hara, the great soul singer Isaac Hayes as Asneeze, and Robert Ridgely, who reprised his role in Blazing Saddles as the hangman once again. For my friend the ever-hilarious Dom DeLuise, we invented a Mafia-type don who employs a bow-and-arrow-slinging archer whose job it is to wipe out Robin Hood. At the end of the picture, we got Star Trek’s Patrick Stewart to play our beloved King Richard, who returns from the Crusades. He got a big laugh in his scene with Prince John, his evil brother:



* * *







     Switching roles from actor to director on Robin Hood: Men in Tights.



King Richard: Brother, you have surrounded your given name with a foul stench! From this day forth, all the toilets in the kingdom shall be known as…johns!

Prince John: NOOOOO-OOOOO-O!

King Richard: Take him away! Put him in the Tower of London! Make him part of the tour.





* * *





In order to make Robin Hood: Men in Tights not just another Robin Hood story but a Mel Brooks movie, it had to break away a little.

So I had some fun writing a theme song for Robin’s Merry Men.

It went like this:

    We’re men, we’re men in tights.

We roam around the forest looking for fights.

We’re men, we’re men in tights.

We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that’s right!

We may look like sissies, but watch what you say or else we’ll put out your lights!

We’re men, we’re men in tights,

Always on guard defending the people’s rights!



Mel Brooks's books