“Jack was tracking mud in the damn foyer after the cleaning crew finished.”
She shrugs. “He’s a wilderness guide. Apparently, that means nature can follow him. Fuck if I know, but my point is that Josh is the moody one, not you. You’re always laughing, smiling, having a grand ole time with life. This week . . . you’re moody as fuck.”
“Funny coming from you since you’re . . .” I look at her belly.
“I have an excuse. You are worse than Josh.”
“I think Grayson may have him beat,” I add.
“Right!” Stella puts her hands on her hips and looks out toward him. “He’s been a bear lately. Last time he was like this was after he found out Jessica was pregnant.”
“Maybe our brother procreated again,” I suggest, hoping my sister will take the bait. Stella is amazing, smart, and easily distracted by shiny things. Like a baby.
She bites her lower lip. “Man, if that’s the case, we’re in trouble because after Jess’s last pregnancy, he said no more. Plus, Ember is only a year old, but it would be cool because with me and her . . . oh, do you think?”
“You should ask him.”
“Why would—” Stella’s eyes narrow. “I see what you’re trying here. You think that if we talk about Grayson then maybe I’ll forget about the fact we were discussing you.”
So much for shiny objects.
“I’m fine. Things have been stressful, and I won’t see Maren for another week.”
“You love her.”
“I could.”
“No, I think you do,” my annoying sister says with a grin.
“Whatever. That’s what’s bugging me.”
Oh, and I have cancer. Yeah, that too.
I saw Dr. Pang yesterday, and she informed me that she was able to call in a favor with one of the best oncologists in Charlotte and I’ll see him in two days. In the meantime, I get to sit around with this impending cloud of doom over my head.
Until I have answers, I’m not going to bother my siblings with this. Josh and Delia have a baby, Grayson and Jessica have their kids, Stella and Jack have their own stuff to deal with, and Alex is in Egypt. So, I’m alone in my head. If I’m being a dick, well, everyone is going to have to deal with it.
“Have you talked to her?”
“Almost every day.”
“I know it’s hard, believe me, I understand what it’s like to stay away from the person you love, but it’ll work out. You and Maren will figure it out.”
She has no idea what she’s talking about.
Once I find out more and start treatments, everything will change. Maren has her career in Virginia, and I’m here. I can’t go to her. I can’t ask her to take care of me. She just buried her father who died of cancer.
No, Maren isn’t going to have to suffer through that pain again. I won’t do it.
I’ll find a way to get through this on my own.
“Thanks, Stell.”
“Something else is wrong, Oliver. I feel it in my bones.”
“Your bones? Wow, that’s deep. Do you think it’s contagious?”
She glares at me. “I think you’re an idiot and lying to me.”
“Is this your twin osmosis shit again?”
“Sure. Let’s call it that, but I know you, which means I know when you’re trying to hide something.”
Of all the days for her to be a pain in the ass, she had to pick this one. I smile as authentically as I can and lean against the counter. I’m close enough to her that it’s as though I’m going to impart some amazing wisdom.
“You know I love you, right?”
“I do.”
“You know I am always saying that you’re too smart?”
Stella grins. “It’s true.”
“You got me this time.”
“I knew I would.”
I want to laugh at her for thinking I’m going to tell her shit. “Well, I feel like I should tell someone, and since you know me so well, you should be that person.”
She moves closer, waiting for the secret. “I can keep a secret.”
“Good.” I drop my voice to a whisper. “I can too.”
I straighten, walk away, and laugh when the paper towels hit me in the back of the head.
“Thank you for seeing me on a Friday night,” I say to Dr. Dowdle, the oncologist I was referred to.
“Janet is a good friend of mine, so I was happy to fit you in on her behalf. How are you feeling?”
I want to flip the fuck out right now because I’m feeling an array of things and none of them are good. I vary each day from hateful to hopeful to ready to terrified. I don’t know which end is up.
Each time I talk to Maren, I have to pretend as if I’m not scared out of my fucking mind.
But I am. I have cancer.
The thing that just robbed her of her father and might possibly rob her of me.
“I’m not doing great, as you can imagine.”
“I can empathize even if I can’t understand fully. How is the lymph node swelling?”
“It’s gone down, but . . . I mean, I don’t know if it really has. I want to think it’s smaller, but yesterday, I would have sworn it doubled in size and grew eyes.”
He smiles at that. “Your mind can do that to you. What helps is information and we’ll go over the test results from yesterday first, and then we can talk about the lymphatic system and Hodgkin’s Lymphoma specifically, which is the most common and treatable type to have.”
I could give two shits about the system or anything. “Honestly, Doc, I just want to know what the results are and then the plan to get rid of the cancer.”
He nods. “I understand. Please, have a seat.”
I do as he says, taking the chair from the desk. Dr. Dowdle rubs his chest as he looks over my test results. Yesterday, he had me go for a CT scan, more blood work, and a biopsy in another lymph node.
I got home, curled into a ball, and passed out. I’d never felt so exhausted in my life. Between the constant worrying, trying to pretend that I’m fine, and working twelve-hour days, I just don’t have much in me.
“I agree with Dr. Pang’s diagnosis of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, which is very treatable, so I want you to feel a little relief there. The scan indicates that it has not spread past the lymph node in your groin, which is another good thing. As far as staging goes, you are Stage IA.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“It means that it’s the best kind of cancer staging we have, if you can call any of it good. You’re young, overall healthy, and the only real symptoms you’ve had are intolerance to alcohol and a swollen lymph node. Sometimes, we’ll see severe fevers, unexplained weight loss, or night sweats, and that would mean you’d be IB. Your stage number and letter determine your course of treatment.”
Yeah, I’m still lost. I’ve gathered that this is the better of the stages and letters, but I still have cancer. “What’s my prognosis? How long do I have?”
Dr. Dowdle shakes his head. “Oliver, you caught this extremely early. You’ll need two rounds of chemotherapy over the course of two months to start. Most likely, that will be enough to put you into remission. If it isn’t, we will reassess and make a new plan. I want to assure you that Hodgkin’s Lymphoma is treatable.”