It gave me some comfort to know that Alden, with all his stubbornness, was protected by the Demon. Well, for the most part. I feared for both of them as they continued to put together the missing puzzle pieces. Trickery was everywhere, and no one was safe from it. Not even me.
Fear had become a constant thing in my life, and I was sure it wasn’t going to go away anytime soon. It had grown roots, and each day a new bud would bloom as my time to bear Ryder’s children grew nearer. What I feared the most wasn’t losing Ryder, or if I would ever be able to gain his love, but what would come when my babies were born. I was strong, but that alone wouldn’t keep them alive. I had spent more time with Danu, and so far we hadn’t found anything to protect the babes, except keeping them where they were—inside of me, where they would be alive and safe.
Time wasn’t on our side though, and it kept moving along, oblivious to the turmoil around us. More than a month had passed since Ryder’s coronation, and my time was steadily drawing nearer.
The uncertain and fragile state I was in weighed on my mind heavily as the days passed without a cure for the land. Ristan had been given visions that led everyone to believe that Ryder’s and my children were the cure for this world. However, other than a few visions in infancy, including the one vision of me handing my son to Adam, he hadn’t seen anything more of them in our future and that scared the hell out of me. I mean, if they were the cure, why couldn’t he see them with us, unless it ended badly?
So much had happened in the short time since I’d met my beast that I hadn’t even been able to catch my breath or wade through my inner fears. I knew I loved him, but love wasn’t strong enough to seduce destiny into giving us what we wanted. Danu kept telling me that destiny had to be won, that I wasn’t just born to it, and that I had to fight to get it.
More reports came in daily from Ryder’s spies in the Human world; some of the reports we had gotten over the past month were frightening. They hinted that the Mages were gathering strength, torturing and killing the lesser Castes of Faery both here and in Tèrra, as they called my world. They were smart, but their actions did not seem coordinated, strategic or very organized as one would tend to expect from people who planned on wiping out an entire race for vengeance. Unlike Ryder, who was continually watching them and learning how they moved. He tried to learn everything about how they thought, and how to intercept their moves.
Information on Faolán was almost non-existent and it worried me more than the Mages, backed by Danu’s husband did.
Watching Ryder as he countered each attack on the Horde Kingdom had given me both comfort and an uneasiness that I couldn’t explain. Knowing he was strong enough to protect our children was comforting; on the other hand, I knew that if I ran from him, there was no one who could protect me from him—not even Danu could achieve that, based on the rules that governed her powers, even though he was one of her many creatures. Not that I was planning to run; it wouldn’t be an option even if I considered it. Knowing Ryder’s power and the strength of the Horde Kingdom didn’t give me as much comfort, for I knew that most castles and powerful dynasties such as this one usually fell from within. It was one of the problems in this world—everyone wanted to rule it.
Ryder’s schedule was so busy that I saw him only for a short time each day. Between the intelligence he was assessing and the clamoring of the Castes for the attention of the new Horde King, our time together had become precious. Although I knew he cared and I had no doubts about how much he wanted me, it was almost like a stall in our relationship. Nothing had progressed as I had hoped now that he’d been freed from his engagement.
As the babes grew, so did my insecurities. I wanted Ryder to love me for myself and not for what I’d been designed for. Danu had explained that our never ending attraction and the need to rip each other’s clothing off every time we’d been close to one another was in fact the design at work. It made sense, and it scared me. I’d never been one to be so sexually active, or to need it on an obsessive level as I had since meeting him.
I held on to the knowledge of who my mother really was, and the secrets behind my birth, in hopes that he would give me a sign or the answers I needed, but with each passing day, nothing changed on his part. I was so big with the babies that all I could do at this point was waddle, and it only added on to the insecurities I held for my future.