Perfect Shadows

chapter 32

I laughed and set the candle on the table, drawing a stool closer to the bed, and Hal slid into a more comfortable position. I could see him biting his lip to keep his teeth from chattering audibly. I smiled without humor, and held up a limp purse. Hal nodded, saying simply, “I’m glad you’ve come,” reaching out his hands to me, to pull me to rest at his side on the bed, then abruptly pushing me away.

“No! I’m louse-ridden and filthy; you mustn’t touch me.” He flushed with the humiliation of being seen in such a state, but I only chuckled low in my throat and sat beside him on the bed. I recalled how Mephistophilis had embraced me when I was in a state far worse than Hal’s was now, and leant into a kiss. As my arms slid around him he lost his fragile control and began to weep, clinging to me like a child. I let him cry until the sobs receded, then offered my handkerchief, which Hal took gratefully, embarrassed by his outburst.

Hal gazed at me abstractedly for a moment then blurted, “You have been Libby’s lover, too, haven’t you? No, I need to know, for if I am to die, I want you to look after her. God knows that I do not blame either of you, the way that I neglected you both.” He rested his head on my shoulder, waiting for an answer.

“I have been Libby’s lover,” I answered slowly. “She is like a bright flame, like the sun. I did not mean to hurt you, either of you.”

“I know,” he said quietly, reaching up to stroke my hair, dark hair so like his own. “I’m not about to run horn-mad, although I suppose that is what Penny, Lady Rich that is, had in mind when she told me, trying to rouse my wrath at you. She and Robin feared that you would persuade me to abandon their cause. Would to God you had! I was only relieved to think that you had reason to care for her if things went awry.” He was silent for a moment, picking at the lint on his draggled finery, before continuing.

“And so they did, of course, from the start. The lowest prentice could have told Robin that we should ride to Whitehall and seize the person of the Queen. But Robin must needs secure the city and the armory at the Tower first, the fool! Then we sat at meat for almost two hours while Robin fretted and faltered and the Crown rallied its forces. The more fool I for following him! You tried to warn me. Will it be the block? I think I could face a clean death, Kit, but not . . . the other.”

“I’ve been to see the queen,” I told him gently. “There is a good chance that you will be spared,” I added, and told him the terms. Hal nodded solemnly.

“Kit, I am afraid to die,” he whispered. I felt a chill at this unconscious echoing of Richard’s words, and silenced Hal with a kiss. My mouth moved to his throat, and the painfully sweet pleasure washed over us both as my teeth sank into the throbbing vein. Hal moaned softly, then dragged my hand to his groin, moaning again at the touch, his release overtaking him even as he slipped his other hand into my clothing. The sound of the bolt jolted us apart and I drew back, licking the blood from my lips as the door opened. Cecil stood there, the light of his candle throwing a large and twisted shadow behind him on the wall.

“The Earl of Southampton is not permitted visitors, your highness,” he said quietly, and motioned me to follow him from the room as he turned to go.

“Might I have a bath, my Lord Secretary?” Hal called after us, but in tones of arrogant indifference rather than the entreaty one might expect. Cecil turned back and raised the candle to look at the prisoner, taking in the rumpled clothing and matted hair. He clucked his tongue at the sight and set the candle back on the table.

“I had left orders that you were to be so accommodated, if you asked, my lord, and had naturally assumed that some sort of false pride or defiant despair was the reason for your squalor. I will look into it, that, and other matters of discipline among the Tower guard,” he added with a hard look at me, then picked up his candle and left the room. I paused to grin at Hal, flying back for a parting kiss, only the merest feather touch on his lips, before leaving him alone again. I had noticed the burnt-out stubs of the tallow candles, and purposely left my candle of good hard wax behind, so that he might at least read for as long as its light lasted.