“In a way, it’s a little of both. I’m afraid of dying, sure, but also losing myself. The pack is a cohesive unit. Order, structure. My life would no longer be my own. I would be the Alpha Female. My existence would belong to the pack. There would be things required of me …”
“Family.” Lysander finished for me.
“Yes. Children for sure. I’m not ready for those just yet. I still have things I want to accomplish before I settle down.”
He held up his hands to stop me. “There is no need to convince me. This is your decision to make.”
“Yeah, my decision to break both of our hearts.” That made me feel like the biggest heel in the world.
“Might I make an observation before I leave you two to your girl talk?”
“Sure. Go ahead.”
“If Aiden needed you, would you risk your life to save him?”
That was an easy answer. I’d already done that in the woods when he’d been injured. I stayed with him and kept him warm and safe until help arrived. “Of course.”
“How is this situation any different? He needs you to be his partner in life. The timing may not be the best, but that does not take away the need he has for you. Don’t answer me, just think about it.” Lysander stood and walked toward the staircase. “Come, Nicholas. Let’s leave the girls to their talk.”
Nicholas stood and walked with Lysander up the staircase to the second floor.
I looked to Alyssa, who beamed with pride. “Is he good or what?”
“Don’t rub it in.”
“He’s got a point though. You know you’d do anything for that wolfman of yours. Why not just turn and get it over with?”
“You act like it was always inevitable that I would turn into something.”
“Well, I tried to get you to go vamp, but that didn’t work.” She giggled and brushed her red hair off her shoulder.
“I’m not drinking blood.” I grimaced.
She licked her fangs and smiled. “The taste grows on you.”
My stomach churned at the thought of it. “I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”
“Drama queen.”
I sighed. “I guess what bothers me is that I have to do it. It’s one thing if it was truly my choice. I’m sure I would eventually get over my fears and come around to the idea. But forcing me to do it now … it’s too much pressure. I’m scared, yes, but I’m also not ready for it.”
“I get it. I do.” She scooted and sat cross-legged so she could face me. She met my eyes and all playfulness went from her voice. “You may not want to hear this, but I think you’re being too stubborn.”
“Pot calling the kettle black much? You’re calling me stubborn?”
“Yeah. Sucks, don’t it? You know it’s bad if I’m the one saying it. Really though. You just admitted you’d probably do it eventually. Five, ten, or fifteen years down the road, doesn’t matter. You’d eventually see the difference when he didn’t appear to age but you did. It would eat at you and you’d eventually submit; only then your body might not be able to handle the transition. Your chances are better now than later.”
“But what if that doesn’t matter? What if I die now?”
She shrugged. “Then you can come back as a ghost and haunt us.”
“This is serious, Lyssa.” I smacked her in the arm. “Say I do go for it and die?”
She turned away from me. “I don’t want to think about that.”
“You see? It’s a possibility. You can’t ignore that. Are you ready for me to die after how hard we fought to stay friends?”
“Then go vamp.” I could tell I’d struck a chord with her. Her tone became sharp. “You’ve got a better success rate, and then the wolf issue is moot.”
“We’re back to that?” I huffed and hung my head.
Alyssa reached out and grabbed hold of my hand. “Look, there are no other options available. You either change or walk away. And I think you’ve already made that choice. So, let’s get that bottle of Jack for you and start the pity party.”
“No.” I shook my head. “You and Lysander are right. I’m letting fear rule me, and Brady is right too, I’m being selfish. I have the perfect man who I love more than anyone. If he needs me to do this, I should.”
A smile split her lips and lit up her entire face. “That’s better. Not to mention, as a wolf, you’ll be around a hell of a lot longer than as a human, and that means I get to keep my best friend forever.”
I laughed. “You’re a dork, you know that?”
“Yep, and that’s why you love me.” She stuck her tongue out. “Now get on the phone and call your man. I’ll bet he’s worried.”
“He was sleeping when I left.”
“He’s a wolf … he probably sensed the moment you got out of bed and smelled you as you left the room.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. She was painting too clear a picture of what he might have done. “He called you before I came over, didn’t he?”
She grinned sheepishly.
“Damn those wolves and their senses. And damn you too for meddling. You should have told me when I got here.”
“Sorry, Fallon. But I’m on his side. I want to see you two work this out. And don’t be so quick to damn them. You’ll be one of them soon.”