chapter IV
STEAM.
Ah, that feels really, really good. I stood under the shower of near-scalding water, washing the cold and grime from my body, my eyes closed.
All kinds of things were running through my head. Given a little distance from Michael, I felt like I could think more clearly. As the smell of lake trout and death rinsed away and fell from my body, the fog in my mind also dispelled, leaving a pristine clean. One thing was pretty clear already.
Michael and I had unfinished business. A lot to talk through, I mean. What had happened between us was life and death. It wasn’t just some stupid interpersonal friend drama resulting from someone flapping their gums about a rumor overheard in the girls’ locker room. I guessed the best way to say it was that I needed answers. Like yesterday.
She expressed it perfectly. “Caution.”
And She was right, I had to admit. This girl wouldn’t be making any rash decisions in the future. Especially about Michael. I also had to admit things had gone too far too fast. Well, probably. It was pretty obvious, anyway, that I didn’t really know him or what he was capable of, in just about every direction. For the first time I could see that I had acted like a love-struck teenager, letting all my rationale go out the window when it came to Michael. Anyway, I needed more time, so I resolved to be unresolved about things until I had more information.
What if that confuses him? “So what?” I asked the shower tile, scrubbing shampoo into my scalp for the third time.
It was weird. I was thinking of new slogans for the shampoo I was using. It’s the kind that gets out the worst smells! Even death! I was still a little punchy. I sighed heavily and rinsed.
It had been about an hour. He might be back by now, I thought, and that made me more nervous about him than when he picked me up on our first date. Why? Because now I knew him better. There was danger and desire roundabout him, and that did weird and conflicting things inside me. It pushed and pulled at the same time.
I turned the water off, turned to grab for my towel and then realized the bathroom door was cracked open. I had left it closed.
“Ohmygawd!”
I gasped and covered myself with the towel, looking toward the sound of the voice. Could it be? I saw an unkempt mop of red hair. “Kim!”
“Airel…”
I could tell she was going to cry. I wanted to run to her but that would have been a little awkward. “What are you doing here? Are you all right?”
“Am I all right? How about you? Are you really alive?” she said.
I found myself blushing. “Stop looking at me.”
“I’m sorry, I just can’t believe it.” Kim rushed forward and hugged me hard.
“Kim!” I held her for a long moment, starting to cry again. My head hurt from all the crying. I had to get ahold of myself.
“Knock knock!” It was Michael, his voice coming from out in the bedroom.
“Oh my gosh! Stay out there!” I shouted, a hint of irritation in my voice. “Kim!” I said, turning back to her.
She got the message. Best friends are good at reading in between the lines. She winked at me and ran out, saying, “We are gonna talk later.”
I heard her verbally abusing him out there and I smiled. In a minute she shouted back at me through the door, announcing that they would meet me down in the kitchen whenever I was ready. I said, “Okay,” and breathed a sigh of relief.
After Michael and Kim left me in peace, I felt the pulling again. Part of me was still broken and I wasn’t sure what would fix it. Or if Michael would even be involved in that healing.
Anyway, why should I be the one to feel bad? “Exactly,” She said. I wasn’t the one who had declared war. They had.
I toweled off and began to wring and brush out my hair. Horrible dark jokes clattered in the back of my mind. How could I be so beautiful? I was dead an hour ago. I shrugged it off and kept brushing.
Remembering who I was made me think of Kreios. Where was he? When I reached out in my mind for him, all I got back was silence. Blackness. Was he even alive? Why was I alone? Why had he been taken from me when I needed him most?
And who was Michael? Yeah, really. It was there nagging me in the back of my mind, but if I opened that door, what if I didn’t like what I found there? Did I have to go there? He had lied to me about his past and who his dad was. What else had he lied about? Had he really planned to kill me?
How can a girl know and be sure about love when she’s not sure who, precisely, she loves? Everything I thought I knew about him—that he was gentle, strong, beautiful and flawed, funny and serious, perfect and broken—how much of it was true? And considering what he had lived with… what he had to do to be the son of Stanley Alexander…I couldn’t begin to make sense of it.
In the end all of it made me want to be in his corner. There was something unexplainable about my attraction to him. Sure, it was physical. That was the attention-getter for everyone, right? But there was also a deep mystery to him; something both compelling and unknowable. That was the hook in my jaws, and it had been there since that fateful day I had spilled my coffee.
I tried to shrug off the deep thoughts and dressed in cargo pants, hiking boots and a dark blue tank top. I would be ready to hike out to the cliff later. Hopefully. I had to find Kreios.
I also figured my life, my school, my friends outside of Kim and Michael were all gone now. Everything was different now.
I had been shoved violently out of the nest, just like that baby eagle I had dreamt about. I sighed. So much about life was just impossible and huge. Would I learn to fly before I hit bottom?
Would I ever see my parents again? Would it be safe? For them? Was it better if they thought I was dead?
My head ached.
My chest ached too, but I refused to look at the scar in the mirror or touch it. I knew it was there and it made sure I did. It throbbed endlessly, pulsing with my cleaved and restarted heart.
But now I was ready for my day.
“Ready for anything?” She asked.
Sure. I’ve already cheated death today. Who else wants a piece?