“That’s not necessary.” He jerked his head toward the blanket again, no room for argument in his tone. “Rest.”
I bit my lip and tried to decide if, as soon as I fell asleep, he would contact Li, tell her he’d found me in a lake, and I wasn’t capable of caring for myself yet.
I couldn’t go back to her. Couldn’t.
His tone gentled, like I was a spooked horse. “It’s all right, Ana. Please stay.”
“Okay.” Gaze never straying from his, I lowered myself again, back under the blanket. That Ana. Nosoul. Ana who shouldn’t have been born. “Thank you. I’ll repay your generosity.”
“How?” He was motionless, hands on his lap and eyes locked on mine. “Do you have any skills?”
Nerves caught in my throat. This was one of the few things Li had explained, and she’d explained often. There were a million souls in Range. There’d always been a million souls, and every one of them pulled their weight in order to ensure society continued to improve. Everyone had necessary talents or skills, be it a head for numbers or words, imagination for inventions, the ability to lead, or simply the desire to farm and raise food so no one would starve. For thousands of years, they’d earned the right to have a good life.
I hadn’t earned anything. I was the nosoul who’d taken eighteen of Li’s years, her food and skills, pestered her with questions and all my needs. Most people left their current parents when they were thirteen years old. Fourteen at most. By then they were usually big and strong enough to make it wherever they wanted to go. I’d stayed five extra years.
I had nothing unique to offer Sam. I lowered my eyes. “Only what Li taught me.”
“And that was?” When I didn’t speak, he said, “Not how to swim, obviously.”
What did that mean? I’d figured out how to tread water when I was younger, but everything was different in the winter. In the dark. I frowned; maybe it had been a joke. I decided to ignore it. “Housecleaning, gardening, cooking. That sort of thing.”
He nodded, as if encouraging me to go on.
I shrugged.
“She must have helped you learn to speak.” Again, I shrugged, and he chuckled. “Or not.”
Laughing at me. Just like Li.
I met his eyes and made my voice like stone. “Maybe she taught me when not to speak.”
Sam jerked straight. “And how to be defensive when no offense was intended.” He cut me off before I could apologize, though my mouth had dropped open to do so; I didn’t really want to leave the warm tent, especially now that the herbs and overall exhaustion were taking effect. I grew drowsy. “Do you know anything about the world? How you fit in?”
“I know I’m different.” My throat closed, and my voice squeaked. “And I was hoping to find out how I fit in.”
“By running through Range in your socked feet?” One corner of his mouth tugged upward when I glared. “A joke.”
“Sylph chased me and I lost my backpack. I planned on walking to Heart to search the library for any hint of why I was born.” There had to be a reason I’d replaced Ciana. Surely I wasn’t a mistake, a big oops that cost someone her immortality and buried everyone else under the pain of her loss. Knowing wouldn’t help the guilt, but it might reveal what I was supposed to do with my stolen life.
“From what you’ve said, I’m surprised Li bothered teaching you to read.”
“I figured it out.”
His eyebrows lifted. “You taught yourself to read.”
The tent was too hot, his surprised stare too probing. I licked my lips and eyed the door again, just to remind myself it was still there. My coat, too. I could escape if I needed to. “It’s not like I created the written word or composed the first sonata. I just made sense of what someone else had already done.”
“Considering how other people’s logic and decisions are rarely comprehensible to anyone else, I’d say that’s impressive.”
“Or a testament to their skills, if even I can figure out how to read.”
He gathered the empty mugs and put them away. “And the sonata? You figured that out as well?”
“Especially that.” I covered my mouth to yawn. “I wanted something to fall asleep to, even if it’s only in my head.”
“Hmm.” He dimmed the lamp and shifted bags around the tent. “I’ll think about repayment, Ana. Get some rest for now. If you want to find your bag and go to Heart, you’ll need all your strength.”
I glanced at the blankets and sleeping bag, wary in spite of exhaustion. “Like before?”
“Janan, no! I’m sorry. I thought we knew each other. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”