chapter Fourteen
Crazy was putting it lightly. It all hit me at once. The shaky unease gave way to a resurgence of stamina and strength that made me feel like I could scale a mountain. My awareness of every creature in the building, both human and supernatural, was heightened.
“It feels like everyone in the city is inside my head. I can hear them. Ugh.”
“You can hear the freely given thoughts. The more attention you pay them, the worse it gets. I know it’s hard, but try not to listen.” Willow put a hand on my arm. He looked worried. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let you go into the circle.”
“No, it’s my fault. I underestimated him.” I took a deep breath and tried to silence the voices again. “This isn’t going to stop me from finding Lilah.”
“Let me get this straight,” Jez thoughtfully chewed a long fingernail. “He forced his power into you. So, can’t you use it for your own purpose as long as you have it?”
Willow nodded. “In theory, yes. If it can be controlled.”
“So why not just go into the club and pick through the thoughts of the vampires in there? Someone will know where she is.”
Jez had a good point. I was glad one of us was still able to think straight. After locking up Harley’s room, we headed for the heart of the club. My feet touched the floor, but if I didn’t know better, I’d have thought I walked on air.
I shoved open the door that divided the club from the back hall, and it burst into flames. I shrieked and panicked. Willow waved a hand, and the fire went out.
“Careful,” he warned. “Fire is just one of many things we can manipulate.”
I ducked into the bathroom to clean up quickly. Jez hovered close, a watchful eye always upon me. I avoided looking at myself in the mirror. It was impossible to get used to the force trapped inside me. It felt foreign, immense and frightening.
Falon’s blood might have easily been wiped from my face, but it was running hot through my veins. I wouldn’t forget the taste for a very long time, if ever. Even as his power drove my wolf nuts and held me prisoner in my own body, I wanted to taste him again.
Returning to the club, I kept my hands close to my body as I walked through the crowd. As I passed each vampire present, an onslaught of thoughts and feelings swarmed me. They were all thinking about blood and sex, some more than others. I searched for Lilah in each of them. I found nothing until I passed a lone vampire standing near the door watching the rest of us.
Lilah was strong in his mind. She’d sent him to watch the place. Where was she? I turned my silver gaze on him and pinned him with a deadly stare.
I was suddenly there before him with no recollection of having moved. Before he could react, I placed both hands on his head and saw everything so clearly. Lilah was staying in a heavily guarded house on the south side of the city. It was a ritzy neighborhood in a private area. Both vampires and demons patrolled the premises. However, they weren’t watching for Shya or me.
The vampire reached to throw me off. The power went out from me, and his head exploded into flames. I jerked my hands back in time to be covered with the ash and dust of his corpse.
Everyone around me stopped dancing, grinding and drinking. A few shrieks rang out from the human patrons. The vampires watched, waiting to see if I’d come for one of them next.
“Alexa, did you get anything?” Jez asked, watching me with uncertainty.
“I know where she is. We have to go in just before sunrise. She has too many guards.”
The voices started up again, all fighting to be the loudest. The pressure swelled in my head, and blood dripped from my nose. I turned to leave, and the candle burning on the nearest table burst into a giant flame.
I frantically looked around for Willow who was at the bar with an upended bottle in hand. He came to my rescue without spilling a drop. Jez pressed a tissue into my hand. I dabbed my nose and swore. I couldn’t take much more of this.
“How long is this going to last?” I clutched Willow’s arm with more force than intended. My claws drew blood, and I jerked back, gushing a series of apologies.
“It’s hard to say for sure. Either until you burn it off, or it burns you out.” Willow swigged from the bottle of scotch.
He gave the impression he was just a regular guy with a drinking problem. With Falon’s power commanding my senses, I could feel Willow’s power in ways I never had before. It was vast and deep. He was ready to do damage if anyone gave him a reason.
I stared at my hands, willing the wolf to back down. For the first time in years, I couldn’t repress the fangs and claws; too much power was wreaking havoc inside me. Thinking about the wolf made me think about losing it. Grabbing the bottle from Willow’s hand, I downed a few good swallows. It didn’t help.
A cool breeze lifted my hair. I felt Arys before he entered the building. We hadn’t spoken since I left him standing outside Shya’s house. My anger had long since faded. After everything that had taken place since last night, I had no interest in fighting with him.
“Arys is here.” I glanced anxiously toward the door. “I don’t want him to see me like this.”
“You two need to talk,” Jez said, giving my arm an affectionate pat. “We’ll go sit down. You talk to Arys, and if you need us, we’ll be right here.”
“Whatever you do,” Willow added. “Don’t lose your temper. You could burn the whole building down.”
Don’t lose my temper? That was easier said than done as far as Arys was concerned. Willow and Jez left me standing there feeling helpless, though I was far from it. I didn’t want Arys to see me there, amid the partygoers, filled to capacity with power that didn’t belong to me. Drifting into the corner behind the bar, I waited.
He strode into The Wicked Kiss looking like an animal on the prowl. With his perfectly messed black hair and tight black jeans, Arys never ceased to make my knees weak. It seemed the more he drove me nuts, the more I wanted him. I anticipated the moment he would look my way.
Those midnight blue eyes landed upon me lurking in the corner. My stomach clenched when he came my way. Were we destined to always be this way? Growing more desperately in love with one another as the conflict between us also grew.
“What happened to you, beautiful wolf?” Arys took my face in his hands and gazed into my eyes. “I can feel your wolf’s unrest.”
His mention of my wolf brought forth a sadness I thought I’d buried. I shook my head and searched for the right words.
“It’s my fault. I underestimated Falon.” I went on to explain my poor attempt to manipulate information out of the fallen angel. I wanted to tell him what I’d learned about my wolf but couldn’t bring myself to put it into words. Not yet.
“I’m sorry, Alexa.” Arys pressed his lips to mine in a tender kiss. “About Shya. I shouldn’t hide things from you. I just want to protect you.”
“Look at me, Arys.” I kissed him back, nibbling his bottom lip. “You can’t protect me from everything. You can’t even protect me from yourself.”
He stiffened and pulled away. “I can damn well try.”
Irritation took hold, and I huffed in annoyance. Arys needed to accept that I could handle myself. His insecurities were not my weaknesses. They were his. I grabbed a candle from the closest empty table and blew out the flame. Concentrating on the foreign entity inside me, I waved a hand over the candle, and the wick ignited.
Arys’s eyes widened, and he appeared mildly impressed. I couldn’t be too self-satisfied; that simple use of Falon’s power had my head throbbing.
“I hate to say it, but I’m kind of glad it was you and not me,” Arys admitted with a grin. “I’ve entertained the thought of sinking fangs into him more than once. How bad does it hurt?”
I had to pull out the tissue Jez had given me and dab the blood from my nose again. “Like a bitch.”
Then, I noticed that I hadn’t detected the slightest thought from him since his arrival. I stared at him, trying to pull something from him. Nothing.
“I can hear the thoughts of most of the people in here, but I can’t hear yours.”
“That’s the plan. I keep my thoughts guarded. Many things can read minds, and I take no chances. You should do the same. It’s no different than when you close me out of your mind. Same idea.”
“Why are we not superheroes with abilities like this?” I joked. “Seems to me, we’d be pretty close to unstoppable.”
Arys dropped his gaze, but not before I saw the worry flash through his eyes. Taking the tissue from me, he gently dabbed the blood that dripped from my nose. Maybe it was a very good thing that I couldn’t hear his thoughts. I didn’t think I wanted to know what was going on in his head right then.
“Some people think we are just about unstoppable. They may be right.” He pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead. Reaching to touch me metaphysically, I felt him shudder in response to what he felt thundering inside me. “You smell like wolf, but you feel like him. That f*cking useless angel.”
I didn’t need to be inside Arys’s head to know he would never stop blaming himself for condemning me to a future I now dreaded with every part of me. I needed him to know and to understand that it wasn’t his fault. He had to accept it. Until he did, he would forever hold us both hostage to his misery.
A couple sat a few tables away, the only other people in the darkened corner. They were both human. Their hands were clasped across the table. Very clearly, I heard him wonder if she were really in love with the vampire she’d been shacking up with here or if she was under his influence. She stared at their hands and wondered why he had to make this so difficult; couldn’t he just accept her choice?
She was breaking up with him, and I had to listen to her selfish thoughts as she did so. He was human. What could he offer her that would compare to the promise of eternity? Maybe some people were happy to settle for a “normal” life, but she had the chance to discover something extraordinary. Her mind was made up.
“You’re making a huge mistake,” I whispered beneath my breath. I wanted to grab her, to shake her and tell her she didn’t know what she was getting into. Get out while you still can.
Arys followed my gaze to the couple. “Is something wrong?”
The couple’s voices became just two of many as the barrage of thoughts started up again. The pain in my head worsened, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
“I can’t listen to this anymore.” A hand to my head, I squeezed my eyes shut, but it only served to increase the volume. “Can we talk outside?”
“Of course.”
With a hand on my lower back, he steered me toward the exit. The noise inside my head grew to a deafening crescendo. Sharp knives of pain pierced my skull. A storm of thoughts assaulted me, but one voice stood out above the rest. That one voice I knew well.
I felt the touch of his energy before I saw him. A honey sweet essence that called to the undying hunger I would always possess for him. We never reached the door. Arys stopped dead beside me, and I looked up to find Kale standing there, his gorgeous eyes fixed upon me.
For a moment none of us moved. It wasn’t hard to tell that Kale wasn’t himself. Madness caused his brown and blue eyes to glitter dangerously. The cacophony of noise fell away once Kale captured my full attention. He took one step toward me, and Arys snapped.
Arys was a blur of speed as he crossed the distance. Without hesitation, he threw a punch. It connected with Kale’s jaw, and he stumbled back a few steps. Rubbing his chin, Kale turned to Arys with a malicious smile.
“I’m sure you can do better than that,” he taunted, holding up both hands in invitation.
“Arys, don’t!”
My shout went unheeded. Arys grabbed the other vampire by his collar and threw him. Kale crashed into a table and went down along with those seated at it. They had barely scrambled out of the way before Arys was there, dragging Kale to his feet.
“That’s right.” Kale spat blood. His grin was still in place. “I didn’t play so nice with your girl last time. Do what you’ve gotta do.”
“I should f*cking kill you,” Arys snarled. “She trusted you and you violated her. Like just another victim.”
Kale’s gaze passed over me. I saw no sign of the Kale I’d known, only the monster that had brutally tried to kill me in the FPA basement. It was like a knife to my heart. Sure, he’d been walking on the edge of sanity for a long time. I’d been ignorant enough to believe he wouldn’t fall over into the abyss of bloodlust driven madness.
Staring into Arys’s angry eyes, Kale laughed. “She is just another victim. Stop pretending you don’t kill her yourself in your mind, every time you taste the power in her blood.”
Kale might not have known it, but he was cutting too near the bone for Arys. Without warning, Arys lashed out with a right hook that opened up a cut above Kale’s eye. I stood there knowing I had to do something, uncertain what that should be.
I threw my hands up, intending to separate them. Falon’s power dominated my own, and instead of a simple separation, I threw them hard in opposite directions. I caught Jez’s eye across the room. She shook her head and shrugged. Apparently, Arys wasn’t the only one who thought Kale deserved an ass kicking.
Arys recovered fast. He was at my side, ready to do more damage. I grabbed his arm and forced him to look at me.
“Please don’t do this,” I pleaded.
“I can’t let him get away with what he did to you.”
Kale got up from where he’d fallen among the crowd gathered around the dance floor. Brushing himself off, he gave his short dark locks a toss and slowly made his way back for more. He paid Arys no mind; his gaze was on me.
I stepped between them with my hands up in surrender. “Just stop, Kale. Ok? It doesn’t have to be like this.”
“Doesn’t it?” He kept coming. “You heard the man. He needs to defend your honor. Can’t blame him for that.”
“We can talk about this. Nobody has to get hurt.” Try as I might to preach peace to them, it was incredibly difficult with the skull-bashing agony that threatened to bring me down.
Kale cocked his head to the side, studying me. “What happened, Alexa? Did you seduce one of the angels, too?”
My temper flared at the cheap shot. I almost blasted him with Falon’s power but caught myself before I made a fatal mistake. Shaking with the effort it took to hold back, I sought out Willow’s watchful gaze.
He stood close without getting involved. With his arms crossed and a casual stance, he gave the impression that he didn’t care what happened either way. A quick nod provided the reassurance I needed. This wasn’t his fight, but he wouldn’t let me set the place ablaze.
“This isn’t you, Kale. Nothing you say can hurt me. I know you’re better than this.”
“Are you still naive enough to think that? Haven’t you been paying attention? This is what I am.”
Kale’s words echoed in my ears. Kale, who had once been wolf for such a short time, was now this monster, hell bent on destroying someone he once claimed to love. That would one day be me, too. It was too much for me to take.
“It’s not always what you were,” I said, the words tumbling out on their accord. “You were like me once. Wolf.” Surprise flashed through his eyes at my words, so I bravely continued. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
The shock was gone from his face as quickly as it had come. The twisted smile was back in place. “I suppose that was bound to come out eventually. Better be careful, Alexa. Nobody likes a snoop.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I repeated. Arys stood beside me, frowning at this latest revelation.
“You didn’t need to know.” Kale came closer, each step an unspoken promise.
“Why, goddammit?” My temper surged, and my hands burst into flames. It didn’t hurt, but it scared the shit out of me.
Willow waved a hand from where he stood, and the flames went out. I’d have to be grateful later. Right then, it was Kale that mattered.
We faced off like the enemies we were never meant to be. Kale’s expression was carefully vacant, impossible to read. “Because it doesn’t matter. That time of my life was short. Almost non-existent compared to my years as a vampire. It meant nothing.”
“It means something to me. You could have told me I’d lose the wolf. You could have…” I fell silent, realizing I’d been about to say you could have stopped me. I was distinctly aware of the tension and anger thrumming through Arys.
“Could have what?” Kale snapped. “Could have warned you? It wouldn’t have made a difference. Look at you. Your choices are driven by your lust for power.”
I had an anguished urge to hurt him the way he was hurting me. The loss of my wolf was a devastating fate. I merely had the inclination to strike him, and it happened without having to lift a finger. The power went out from me in a rush that left me breathless. It knocked Kale off his feet, flipping him head over heels. I gasped. I didn’t mean to do it.
“I see how it is,” he said, getting to his feet with a shake of his head. “You have regrets. Does it really make you feel better to take it out on me? I can help if you like.” He moved fast. Pressing close enough to touch, Kale made a show of inhaling my scent. “I promise, Alexa, I’m going to finish what I started with you.”
My bravado fled. Kale was staring at me as if I were prey. With the memory of what he’d done to me so fresh, I froze in fear. I’d trusted him; in some way, I’d even loved him. Until he’d made me a victim, that is, and then everything had changed.
Arys was done waiting. His energy turned scalding hot to match his hate-filled rage. When he came at Kale this time, he didn’t let up. Kale did his best to defend himself, but after several weeks of being locked up, he had weakened. On a good day, he wouldn’t have been a match for Arys. On a bad day, he quickly got his ass kicked.
I watched in horror as Arys threw a flurry of punches that all found their mark. A number of shots to the face had Kale bruised and bloody. A well-timed kick knocked him down. Several patrons turned their attention to the fight, many of them looking on in surprise as a vampire most of them knew well took a beating.
It all happened so fast. Judging by Arys’s fierce aggression, he had wanted to do this for longer than the past few days.
“You’re never going to touch her again.” Arys doubled his attack by throwing power at Kale along with every punch.
“That’s enough, Arys,” I cried. My high-running emotions fed the foreign power inside me.
“There’s only one way to guarantee that.” Kale’s smile had faded.
He kept on rising, inviting every hit he took. The deranged glint in his eyes, wild and ruthless showed his total abandon. He wanted this.
Through the insanity of voices in my head, his stood out above the rest. Do it, you bastard. Save her from me. Do what she couldn’t. As mind f*cked as he was by the blood hunger, Kale still had enough coherency for that thought. It spurred me into action.
I targeted Arys without a second thought. The force drove me to my knees. A bright, blinding light exploded behind my eyes, tearing a shriek from me. I could project Falon’s power, but I couldn’t control it. It was a force bigger than I was, one that I was pretty sure could kill me.
It slammed into Arys. Not only did it stop him from throwing another hit, it lifted him right off his feet and pinned him against the ceiling. I panicked, unable to manipulate the force commanding me. Thinking fast, Arys slapped me with a psi ball the size of a basketball. I pitched ass over elbows, coming to a stop against Willow, who hauled me to my feet.
He eased Arys back to the floor before turning to me. “You should get out of here, away from the crowd.”
“I can’t leave them like this.” My vision swam, and I reached out to grab Willow for support but missed entirely. I slid to the floor, vaguely aware of the sticky residue of a spilled drink beneath me. My temperature rose. My palms grew sweaty, and I gasped for a breath that didn’t smell like humans, blood and sex.
I watched in a dizzy haze as Arys grabbed Kale by the collar and jerked him close. His lips moved, but I couldn’t hear what he said. The noise inside my head was too loud. A spark of gold-tinted blue lit up the place. Arys drew on the power we shared, pulling energy from me. It hit Kale at point blank range. He flipped over the bar and crashed into the bottles stacked on the back shelves. A shower of broken glass and liquor rained down on his motionless form. I held my breath, waiting. He didn’t get up, but I suspected he wouldn’t be down for long. There were only a few ways to kill a vampire. A hell of a beating wasn’t one of them.
“Come on, Alexa. We have to get you out of here,” Willow insisted.
Arms slipped around me, but it wasn’t Willow dragging me to my feet this time. I knew that touch well. Arys guided me outside as I struggled to be free of him. After what I’d just seen him do, I was enraged, or I would be as soon as my head cleared.
“Let me go,” I snarled, shoving him away.
As I got further away from the nightclub, the voices in my head disappeared. Though I was lightheaded, the dizziness faded. I walked to the far end of the parking lot, near the rear door and the back of the building. When I could no longer hear a single thought but my own, I reached down and placed both hands on the ground.
I tried to push the excess energy into the earth, to ground myself and refocus the power in my core. However, the earth refused to accept my offering. The fallen angel’s power was rejected, pushed back to me like an unwanted gift.
“Why, goddammit?” I shouted to no one in particular.
Arys stood behind me, waiting. I rose and turned to pin him with a fiery glare. With hands clenched at my sides, I reminded myself that I wanted to give him a verbal beating, not set him on fire.
“How could you do that to Kale?” My voice wavered as I struggled to speak calmly.
“Alexa, open your eyes, and see that son of a bitch for what he really is,” Arys shouted. “What you should be asking is how he could do that to you. He’s a killer. You’re blind to it. I don’t understand how you can still see him as anything else.”
I was deep in denial, and I knew it. I sure as hell wasn’t going to admit it though. Chewing my lip anxiously, I studied Arys. His hands were balled into fists, and he looked ready to tear someone limb from limb.
“I don’t need you to tell me how unhealthy my attachment to Kale is,” I said. “Don’t think I don’t know that.”
“He violated you. What kind of man would I be if I didn’t do something about that?” Arys held his hands up in a gesture of helplessness.
I shoved a lock of hair back from my face. The power dancing in my fingertips prickled along my scalp, and I shuddered. I shook my head sadly. “You’ve done enough. I won’t let you kill him.”
“You think you can stop me?”
There it was, the challenge. One of us was always bound to issue it with little regard for the consequences.
“I think I’ll damn well try. Let it go, Arys.”
“Have you lost your mind?” He raged, raising his hands to the sky. Thunder boomed overhead, and the ground rumbled beneath our feet. “You attacked me in there. With power you can’t control. You’re the one out of line here, Alexa.”
“So killing him will make everything ok? I’ve seen enough people around me die lately. Why must you contribute to it? Will it really make you feel that much better?”
“It might.”
We stared at one another, the power of our anger spilling hot energy into the atmosphere. There was no right and wrong here. We were both entitled to what we felt, and no matter how I wished we could reach an understanding, I knew it would never happen.
It wasn’t just Kale. It was everything: our differences over Shya, my safety and my inevitable fate as a vampire. Arys and I had never seen eye to eye. According to twin flame lore, we never would. I suddenly felt deflated, hopeless. I heard myself say something that I never thought would pass my lips.
“I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
“What?” Arys’s gaze grew shadowed as he hid what was going on inside him. “What are you saying?”
“I don’t know.” A surge of emotion choked off my reply. What the hell was I doing? “I can’t handle the constant conflict anymore. It will keep getting worse; it does every time. At what point does it destroy us?”
“Don’t talk like that,” he admonished with a scowl. “It’s not like we can escape each other.”
I forced myself to look at him, really look at him. He was a reflection of me in so many ways. Where those similarities ended, a great divide began. I loved him with a desperation that could only lead to pain. What we were, it wasn’t natural. I didn’t want him to suffer any more than necessary. We’d already suffered so much torment.
“No, maybe we can’t. That doesn’t mean we have to be together.”
I hated myself when his guard fell and pain flashed through his blue eyes. I kept telling myself this was for the best. It would save our sanity and maybe even our lives.
“I can’t believe you’re saying this. We share power, a purpose. You can’t turn your back on that.”
“I’m not. I just think we need some time apart. I need some time.” A sob caught in my throat. God, I was really doing this. “My pack kicked me out tonight, and it doesn’t even matter because I’m going to lose my wolf. With Shaz gone, it’s so much harder to resist your darkness. It grows in me, Arys. Every night it grows.”
He crossed the distance I’d put between us and grabbed my arms. He shook me in frustration, forcing me to look up into his eyes. “That will never stop. We need each other, Alexa. How can you think otherwise? I love you.”
“I know that. And, I love you.” I blinked back the blood tears that blurred my vision. “That’s why this has to be the last fight. It’s best for both of us.”
“No. I’m not going along with this.” His grip tightened painfully. He kissed me, a hard, bruising kiss that screamed of his refusal. It left me quaking.
I kissed him back with a red-hot passion I felt to the tips of my toes. My heart was calling me every name in the book, but my head knew I was doing the right thing. For the last year, so much of who I was revolved around Arys. I accepted that we were created to be together, but I needed to find myself first.
“Please understand,” I whispered. “I need to discover who I am apart from you. For the sake of my sanity, just give me some time.”
“I knew this day would come. I didn’t want to believe it, but I knew.” Arys held me close, burying his face in my hair. “I’m sorry about your wolf. I’m sorry I drove you to this.”
I shook my head as the blood-red tears spilled down my cheeks. My words were an emotional jumble. “This isn’t your fault, Arys. We just don’t know how to exist together.”
“I don’t know how to exist without you. I waited so long to find you.” His voice grew thick with emotion. “I can’t lose you now.”
A fresh surge of tears shook me. “You’re not losing me. Just letting go. For a while.”
We stood there for what had to be a long time but didn’t feel long enough. I was still wrestling the urge to take it all back when he kissed me one last time and walked away.
I watched him go, fading into the night to become someone’s worst nightmare. I collapsed to my knees on the pavement and cried. It felt impulsive, but this had been building for months now. Despite our love, we had no qualms about turning on one another when the situation allowed it. We had to do this, to save ourselves. We had to.
As much as I told myself it was better this way, my heart wouldn’t believe it. I gasped for breath in between sobs as I became utterly and completely broken.