It wasn’t so bad before. I would laugh it off and grab Ben’s face, kissing his scowl and promising to work him later. We’d get the kids to sleep and then he’d grab me, or I’d grab him, or we’d both just be grabbing and tasting and not caring who was doing what as long as it was happening. And it was always happening.
Now? Nobody’s grabbing or tasting anything. We don’t have our nights. When Ben’s home, I’m with the boys and he’s getting his much needed sleep. Everything is ass backwards.
But, there is a light at the end of this miserable tunnel. After this last shift, we can go back to our routine of stolen kisses and heated seconds before one or two little faces catch us. And when they do, not if, it won’t be detrimental. I’m sure I’ll still be kissing a scowl and muffling words I don’t want repeated, but we’ll have those sweet hours between evening and dawn where there’s nothing and no one between us.
No interruptions. Just two pounding hearts, feverish touches, and that quiet climb toward rapture, followed by the sweet, blissful fall.
Sliding beneath the cool sheets, I exchange Ben’s pillow for my own and nuzzle my nose against it, inhaling him, letting his scent soak into my lungs. That distinct Ben smell that carries so many memories with it.
Ones of us together, that night after the bar. My first hit.
God, I’ve been addicted to him ever since.
I flip onto my back and grab my phone off the night stand. I brush my hair out of my face and type a quick text.
Me: Missing you. XO
Holding the phone above me, I snap a selfie, blowing him a kiss, and attach it to the message, sending it. I scroll to Tessa’s number and hit dial.
She answers after two rings.
“I don’t know about you, but I am so ready to hop off the ‘nobody’s getting laid’ train.”
“What?” I chuckle, shaking my head at my best friend and stretching out my limbs. “You’re getting laid. What are you talking about?”
“Not the way I want to be!” She sighs. “I mean, okay, don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind waking Luke up for a nooner, but I miss when we would just fuck all night like we were trying to repopulate the earth after an apocalypse.”
“Well, be grateful you’re at least able to sneak it in during the day. Even with Chase taking a nap I can’t catch a break. Nolan can’t be unsupervised.”
It’s bad timing all around. Both of my boys have been in on this together from the beginning.
When this dreaded night shift started, Nolan was in school for half of the day. As long as Chase went down for his nap, I could have some alone time with Ben.
Seems like a flawless plan, right?
Wrong.
Chase wouldn’t nap until Nolan came home from school. I should’ve known, my sweet boy needs constant noise to pass out. The non-stop chatter of his big brother seems to do the trick. This was also around the same time Chase became extra clingy, refusing to allow me even a moment of privacy to use the bathroom. So, when I thought I could sit him in his high-chair with a few toys and sneak into my bedroom for a quickie, he would scream, and scream, and scream, like someone was actually hurting him.
I felt terrible. I scolded myself for being the worst mother on earth. How could I put my own needs before his?
Now that Nolan’s off for the summer and home twenty-four hours a day? Chase naps anytime I want him to and doesn’t even flinch if I need to use the bathroom.
Their plan has been flawless from day one.
Tessa yawns, breaking up the soft noise of the T.V. in the background. “Just put on a movie for him or something. Or tell him to go play in his room. This is what iPads are for.”
“Tessa, you know how curious Nolan is. He hears a door shutting anywhere in this house and he comes investigating. And I swear to God, he knows when I’m naked and barges in at that exact moment. He’s just like Ben.”
“Those Kelly boys,” she laughs. “Tits men for life.”
I roll my eyes. “It’s in their blood.”
“Speaking of tits, I wanna go out and get a new bikini for the wedding. Mine are all faded from my parent’s pool.”
The wedding, Reed and Beth’s. We’re all heading down to Sparrow’s Island next week for the ceremony. Beth really wanted to get married on the beach, and her sweet aunt and uncle are sparing no expense. From the pictures I’ve seen online, the beach itself is beautiful. White sands and crystal blue water. Tessa and I are in the wedding, along with Riley, Reed’s sister, Ben, Luke, CJ, and the boys. We’re all staying in villas right on the beach with spectacular views of the ocean.
I can’t wait to get away for a few days. After the past two months, I feel like we all need it.
“You know, when you say you want to get a new bikini for the wedding, it sounds like you’re actually going to wear it during the ceremony,” I tell her, smiling. “You are planning on wearing the dress Beth picked out for us, right? They’ve already been paid for.”
Tessa gasps. “Oh, my God. Can you imagine Ben if you wore a bikini during the ceremony? He would gouge out every pair of eyes belonging to men within a fifty mile radius. You should absolutely do it.”
“What?” I giggle, shifting on the mattress a bit.