“Paola has blessed you before she left this side, I see,” one of them says to me. I only smile and glance at Darius.
Janae is waiting for me at the corner on Knickerbocker. She looks at both of our faces, and I can’t tell if she’s happy for us or not. But still, she smiles big and wide when I get closer to her. I let go of Darius’s hand so my sister and I can hug.
Practically the whole neighborhood has come out to celebrate Madrina’s life. And this is almost like a parade for her.
“How you holding up, sis?” Charlise asks when she joins us. “I know Colin is taking it rough. Madrina was like his real mom. I can’t believe she left him the building! And for her to go—” She snaps her fingers. “Just like that.”
I shrug and twist my mouth and look around for Colin. I spot him and Papi having a conversation. Papi’s body language is telling a story. He’s talking with his hands, something he only does when he’s really pissed, and he rarely gets really pissed.
Colin hangs his head low, a stance I’ve never seen him take before. Then Papi reaches out and touches his shoulder in a father-son way. Without thinking twice about it, I start to make my way over there, leaving Darius with Charlise. But by the time I reach them, the conversation is already over.
“Hey” is all I say to Colin.
He’s got a look on his face I’ve never seen before. His brows are furrowed and his arms are crossed. “Hey, Zuri,” he almost whispers. Then he flashes me a half smile and walks away.
“Papi, what happened between you and Colin?” I ask.
He’s running his hands through his thick, curly hair and he sighs deeply. “It’s okay, Zuri. Go be with your friends.”
He takes a look around at all the people gathered on the sidewalk in front of our building and the people walking down from Bushwick Avenue and Jefferson. He rubs his graying beard and sighs again.
“Papi, I know when you’re not okay,” I say.
“Ah, my Zuri Luz, always watching out for your papi, huh?” he says, giving my shoulder a squeeze.
“What are you talking about? What just happened?”
“Let’s go for a walk,” he says, motioning for me to follow him. Suddenly I’m nervous. Papi is not the kind of man to just go for a stroll. We walk down Jefferson as he waves and says hi to neighbors and friends. “She’s singing and dancing in heaven, now,” he says when they give him their condolences for Madrina. We weren’t her family, but besides Colin, we were the closest thing she had.
When we’re past Broadway, Papi sighs for the umpteenth time and says, “Colin’s selling the building. A developer offered him a lot of money.”
I quickly look up. “What?” I don’t understand what he’s saying.
“We have to move, Zuri.”
“Move? We can’t just leave!” My stomach twists as the words come tumbling out of my mouth. Warm tears sting my eyes. I’ve lost my madrina and now I’m going to lose my home?
“Mija, don’t get emotional on me, Zuri. I agreed to the buyout. We need it.”
I gasp and stop walking. Out of all the things Papi could have said, I never imagined those words. A developer? A buyout? Of course, after Madrina died, I wondered who would take care of the building. But I thought Colin would just be our landlord. Not that he’d sell to an outsider.
“Buyout? You sold us out, Papi?”
“We need that money, sweetheart. For our future. I got five of you to take care of. A building is just a building, in the end.”
“But how could you? Just like that?” I mumble, tears now streaming freely down my cheeks. Papi pulls me close into a hug, but I am stiff in my father’s arms, and angry.
“Well, I had to curse him one or two times, ’cause you know how your papi is. We Benitezes don’t take no crap. He gave me a good price. And that was that.” He looks down at me and holds me tighter. I start to relax and use his good white shirt to wipe away my tears.
“But Papi, where are we gonna go?”
He lets go of me and shakes his head. “I don’t know yet, but we’ll find somewhere. This is what happens in life—you take the good with the bad. This money is good. Us leaving is bad. But we’re taking it because it’s a blessing. You know, like that boy across the street.”
I inhale deep, sniffling, and roll my eyes. “You don’t know anything about the boy across the street, Papi. Now don’t change the subject.”
“No secrets in our house, Zuri. You like him, fine. As long as he likes you too, and most important, he respects you.”
“But he gets to stay, Papi,” I say quietly, and I realize that Darius will no longer be the boy across the street. He’ll still be in Bushwick, and I’ll be . . . somewhere else because the rent is too high in my own hood.
“So. And you get to leave. Him and his family are living somewhere new. They get to have new experiences. And you and your sisters, you’ve been in Bushwick all your lives. I saw that look in Janae’s eyes when she came back from college. Her eyes have seen so much more than me and your mother ever have. And you, sweetheart. You were a lightbulb when you came back from D.C. That is what I want for all of you. And myself too. To think, I spent half my life in that tiny apartment. And now, money has fallen from the sky.”
I don’t like what Papi is saying one bit. He makes sense, but I still don’t like it. “What’s Colin gonna do with the money anyway? He’s only nineteen,” I say. A lump is forming in my throat, but I keep swallowing to keep my tears down.
“According to him, Madrina has been getting offers for years. Someone came to him with a deal he couldn’t refuse. All cash. Look, Zuri, keep your head up, my daughter. I used to be like you, you know—getting pissed at the world when this or that didn’t go my way. But you know what opened up my eyes and my heart? Your mother and five beautiful daughters. The world could fall apart around me, but we are still a family. It doesn’t matter where we go. Bushwick will come with us. Don’t let your pride get in the way of your heart, mija.” He turns to look at me.
With every word he says, the tears start to well up in my eyes again. I keep blinking them back, but my face is wet.
“Hey, mija,” Papi says, holding me by the shoulders so that he can look me straight in the eye. “I knew it would be you to take it the hardest. It’s a lot, Zuri. First Madrina. And now this. But you gotta grow up. It’s a big world out there.”
I can’t help but laugh a little, even as tears roll down my cheeks. “That was corny, Papi.” And then I let it all out. I hang my head low, and the tears fall like rain. I cross my arms.
“No, no, no,” he says. “Not out here, and not like this.”
We’ve walked about ten blocks, and I realize where Papi’s going. He’s headed for the library on Dekalb and Bushwick—our favorite spot. This is where he’d take me when I was little. I’d disappear into the kids’ section, and he’d disappear between any and every aisle of thick books. But it’s Sunday, and we can tell from the tall and wide windows that the lights are off and it’s closed.
The gate leading up to the front steps is wide open, though, so we walk in and sit there.
“You don’t wanna leave that boy?” Papi asks. “Darius?”
“Papi!” I say. “I don’t wanna leave our hood, our building, our home!”
“And that boy,” he says.
Papi knows me through and through. So I hide my face in my hands, not wanting to believe that he’s right. “It’s more than the boy,” I mumble. I look up at him. “Papi, if we could just live on only one floor of his house.”
“It’s not our house and it’s not our life. And who knows? Maybe being here was a tough decision for them too. I mean, it’s not like they fit in, you know? And maybe with that buyout money and all, we’ll be the new rich kids on the block. Entiendes?”
I laugh a little again. And Papi places his arm around my shoulders and I lean in to him. He kisses my forehead, and his beard grazes my skin. I have always thought of Bushwick as home, but in that moment, I realize that home is where the people I love are, wherever that is.
Twenty-Eight