Our Totally, Ridiculous, Made-up Christmas Relationship

Running the ring through my fingers I sigh, “He’s the one for me. Not everyone can be like you and Ms Peterson.”


Ms. Peterson laughs as Eddie takes her hand into his and kisses it, making her instantly transform into a high school teenager. They met each other a few years ago here and are the main couple of the nursing home. Ms. Peterson has been known to beat off other women who give Eddie googly eyes. I appreciate her ability to mark her territory, as it’s something I wish I could have done in my past.

“Julie Anne, the loser’s idea of date night is ordering Chinese food and having you watch him play something about calling and duties all night long.”

I hate when Eddie uses my full name. It makes it seem like he’s scolding me. “I like those nights. Besides, he’s finally ready to meet my family. He’s coming to Wisconsin with me. I think he’s going to propose in front of my parents!”

Eddie groans at my words and slaps his hand against his face—for extra insult. “Let’s think about this. We all know you rush into relationships.”

“I do not!”

“Do too!” is heard throughout the whole community hall from all of the people who live in the nursing home. If I weren’t so awkward, I may have even been offended.

Eddie smiles to me and rubs the bald spot on his head. “Peter the computer geek, Ryan the drug addict, and don’t even get us started on Tyler the personal trainer.”

“They weren’t that bad.”

“Ha! Tyler had you working out five times a day. And I think we both know how you feel about gyms. It’s a nasty sweatshop that makes…”

I mutter, “…women feel inferior to men. Yes, okay. So in the past I haven’t picked out the best guys. But Richard is different. This ring shows that!”

“Ah to be young and an idiot again.” Eddie grins and kisses Ms. Peterson’s hand. She is of course nodding and smiling. “The truth is you never got over that asshole Danny.”

“That’s not fair. He was the love of my life…” I explain, hoping to change the subject.

Eddie’s mood shifts as he leans in toward me and places his hand over mine. “Sunshine, the love of your life wouldn’t cheat on you with your sister.”

He’s right. I definitely hate him for being right, but mostly I hate myself for still missing Danny, even though I now have a Richard.

“Alright, well, I think I’ve suffered enough for one visit. I gotta stop by the agency, pick up some liquor to hide in my sock drawer like in high school, and then hit the road.” Standing from my victorious game of checkers with Ms. Peterson, I give Eddie a hug and receive a kiss on the cheek from the handsome gentleman. I walk around and kiss the elderly woman on the top of her head. “Merry Christmas you two.”

“Happy Easter, dear,” Ms. Peterson says, holding up her middle finger and kissing her lips against it.

“Happy Christmas, Jules! And congratulations on your bubble gum machine diamond.” Eddie laughs and laughs, with Ms. Peterson joining in. I watch her pull out her hearing aids and stick them in. She was ignoring me on purpose! After picking up my stunned jaw from the floor I head out toward the acting agency to grab some packets before my five-hour trip to upper Wisconsin.




“Oh my gosh, Jules, I’m so glad you’re here! We are swamped! First, fast question, do my feet look swollen?” Stacey, my co-worker, steps out of her slip-on shoes and shows me her fat toes. Ew. She sure knows how to make pregnancy look appealing. “Gross, right? Anyway, please say you’ll stay and help me with these auditions.”

“No Stace! I was just stopping by to pick up a few things. I have a five-hour drive with Richard starting in less than an hour to go watch my sister tongue the ex-love of my life. I can’t help this time,” I cry at my begging co-worker as I walk into the agency to see a room filled with hopeful male actors who are auditioning for the new Fresh toothpaste commercial. “P.S. I’m still pissed at you for ignoring the picture of Richard I sent you last night. He looked super hot.”

Stacey’s eyebrows arch. “You didn’t send me a picture.”

“Right. Lie about it. Whatever, I gotta get going.”

“No! Please, Jules! We are hours behind, Grace went home with food poisoning, Claire is knee-deep in audition applications, and I’m eight-and-a-half months pregnant, hungry as fuck, and annoyed as hell.” Stacey wobbles into my office—well, my boss’s office, which I am using until his vacation is over—with her large puppy-dog eyes staring me down. No lie, Stacey makes a super cute preggers woman, but her begging isn’t going to help. I still have to pack! Plus there’s supposed to be this crazy blizzard moving in.

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