Nowhere but Here

It’s fair to say that by that point I was hysterical. All I could blubber was, “I’m a writer, too.”


“I know. I looked you up . . .” His voice was shaky, and he was crying with me. “I’m . . . I’m very proud of you. None of my other kids . . . I’m just so happy. Please come and have Christmas dinner with us tomorrow? You can meet your brothers and sisters.”

“Tell me about them.”

He took a deep breath. “Well, you have a sister, Olivia, who is twenty-five. She has twin boys that are a year old. You’re an aunt.”

I laughed giddily through tears. “Go on.”

“Your brother Aiden is twenty-three. He’s engaged to Lauralie, who’s pregnant. A little young, we know, but they’re in love. And then Gavin is twenty-one. He goes to college in Los Angeles at USC, but he’s here for the holidays. Blake is twenty, and he’s still finding himself,” he said, in an amused tone. “And finally, there’s Skylar, the youngest. She’s seventeen and still in high school. She’s the free spirit—a very gifted pianist.”

“Wow. I’m speechless. I’ve lived all my life thinking I had no family.”

“Well, you have a big family, and I know they will welcome the addition. What do you say? Come and meet everyone?”

“Yes, I definitely will.”

“See you tomorrow, sweetheart. I can’t wait to get to know you.”

“Likewise,” I said in a low voice and then hung up. I turned around and straddled Jamie in the chair and then buried my face in his neck and sobbed. “Happy tears?” he asked.

“The happiest. Will you go with me?”

“Of course.”

We slid into bed, naked and freezing, but within moments we were warm, wrapped up in each other, and dozing off to sleep. I woke up Christmas morning to the smell of breakfast. Jamie was making pancakes and singing to the Black Keys pumping through the iPod dock.

When I came into his view, he shouted, “Merry Christmas, lover” over the loud music. He was shirtless, wearing nothing but his plaid flannel pajamas. I was wearing the slinky black Victoria’s Secret purchase I’d made with Beth. I walked around the counter so he could see me from head to toe. His mouth dropped open.

“Oh my god. Screw breakfast.” When he lifted me from my waist, I wrapped my legs around him. He slammed me against the dining room wall and attacked my mouth just as the lead singer of the Black Keys shouted, “I got mine!” Best sex song EVER! I thought.

After Jamie took me against the wall, we ate our partially burnt breakfast and then showered and got dressed.

“Jamie?”

“Yeah.”

“I feel terrible. I didn’t get you anything.”

“You mean that thing you were wearing earlier wasn’t for me?”

I laughed. “Well, yes, I guess so.”

“I have a photographic memory, remember? That little number will be the gift that keeps on giving. Trust me.”

He was standing at my dresser injecting his insulin pen. When he turned around, he had a small box in his hands. “This is for you, but you can’t open it until later.” I made a grumpy face. “Oh, is Katy curious?”

“No, I can handle a little suspense.”

We decided we would go through the city looking for the holiday train before we headed to my father’s house, which was located in a little suburb just outside Chicago.

As we headed out the lobby of my building, I noticed a sign above the exit door was misspelled. It said: MARRY CHRISTMAS. I laughed to myself. Two blocks away, another sign sitting in the coffee shop window said: MARRY CHRISTMAS.

“Do you see that?” I pointed the sign out to Jamie.

“What?”

“It’s spelled wrong.”

“Oh, hmm. Idiots.” He chuckled and pulled me along by the hand. As we approached the L station nearest to my apartment, I spotted Darlene. She was wrapped in a blanket, sitting on a piece of cardboard. When I got close to her, she said, “Hey, you, girl. Say yes!” I looked up at Jamie. He shrugged and then looked up to the sky curiously.

“Merry Christmas, Darlene.” I handed her a ten-dollar bill. “Stay warm.”

“Thank you,” she said.

We continued walking. I stopped abruptly about a half a block down and turned to Jamie. “What are you up to? Huh?”

“Who, me?” he said in mock surprise. “Let’s go, we gotta hurry.” He yanked me along.

“Why do we have to hurry?”

“We just do.”

“When we got to the platform of the station, it began to snow. “I planned this,” Jamie said.

And then lo and behold, the goddamned holiday train pulled up. “You arranged this?”

He pulled me toward Santa’s car. “No, silly girl, there’s a schedule.”

“You’re kidding? All these years?!”

Just as we reached Santa, Jamie stopped and looked me in the eye and said, “Merry Christmas, angel.”