“Yeah? You’ll have to show me when we get back home. I haven’t gotten any ink in a while.” He replied as he started the car. “I had this guy up in Riverdale who did a lot of my more recent pieces, mostly touch ups and shit, but poor guy got cancer. You think you got it bad, and then you find out a young guy about your age is battling stage four lymphoma. Makes you count your blessings.”
If he had of told me about his tattoo artist three years ago, I may have agreed with Jimmy about counting your blessings, but I didn’t have any blessings anymore. All I had was a ghost of a life filled with regret. I stared out the window, my eyes catching a glimpse of the penitentiary in the side view mirror as we drove away from the hell I had lived in for three years. I couldn’t believe that I was a free man. I should feel something, some sort of excitement or happiness but all I felt was dread. There was no one there waiting for me, no happy life to pick up and begin again. All there was were memories and a life full of mistakes. It made me wonder if the life I lived behind bars was a better life than the hell I’d live now, knowing that at every turn I’d be reminded of what I had lost. I’d be reminded of her.
“Get your head out of the past, Bianci. You did good, real good and Vic’s proud of you. He’s got a big shindig planned for you tonight. We’re going to make you forget the last three years and celebrate new beginnings. We’ll get you nice and drunk and some well-deserved pussy.” Jimmy said grinning from ear to ear, displaying his gold tooth.
I assumed that’s what guys like us did when they got out of jail, drank themselves stupid and buried their dicks into the first piece of ass they set their eyes on, but I didn’t want just anyone, I wanted her. I had to get her the fuck out of my head, but it wasn’t likely. I swallowed the lump that formed in the back of my throat as I pictured her beautiful face. I wondered if she’d had the baby yet, but couldn’t bring myself to ask. I’d find out soon enough. Soon enough I’d see the happy life the girl I loved was living. A life I had no part in, but a life we planned to have together.
Later that night Vic delivered just as Jimmy promised he would, throwing a bash like no other in my honor. A gesture of gratitude, thanking me for my time well served. I guess it was good to know that the three years I lost was appreciated, even if the job I set out to do was never completed. I suppose I should be thankful that it worked out how it did. I was spared having another man’s blood stain my hands, spared of taking a human life. That shit fucks with your head even long after the body is decomposing beneath the earth. Still, something was off with me because I was fucking sober despite the abundance of alcohol that had been shoved in front of me, none of it appealing. If I was being honest, the whole scene wasn’t anything I wanted to be a part of tonight. A cute piece of ass offered to come home with me, to give me a good fuck so I used her as the excuse to jet the fuck out of Vic’s bar. I didn’t take the chick up on her offer though. I dropped her off at a friend’s house and drove to my old apartment that Vic kept intact for me.
Vic was good when it came to keeping my affairs in order. He secured my apartment so when I came out I’d have a place to sleep and he even had my car waiting for me at the bar. It felt weird to be driving, but by the time I dropped the girl off I had a handle on it again. As I drove home, I realized that I liked the peace and quiet, figuring it was probably because I had been sheltered from the outside world for so long.
I parked my car in the assigned spot of my complex’s garage and made my way to the second floor apartment. I tried to remember which key unlocked the door and why I had all these fucking keys anyway. On my third attempt, I unlocked the door and stepped inside, noting that nothing had changed as I took a quick glance around the apartment. It was as if time stood still for three years, too bad my apartment was the only thing that hadn’t been fucking destroyed in all this. I flicked the light switch on and that’s when I saw her sitting in the armchair in the corner of the room.
I took a step closer waiting for her to turn around, when she didn’t I figured I was fucking dreaming or I had lost my shit altogether. I walked further into the living room, my eyes zeroing in on her round stomach and my breath caught. She was really far along, I mean she looked like she was about to pop. My hands ached to reach out and touch her stomach, wondering what it would feel like or if I’d be able to feel the life growing inside of her. I lifted my gaze to her face and watched for a moment as she slept peacefully. She was always the most beautiful girl in the world, but Adrianna pregnant was beyond beautiful, it was just … there were no words.