We pulled up to a small, boxcar house. Rusted pieces of metal that used to be parts of vehicles littered the dead lawn. Ethan’s dad’s house wasn’t out of place in this neighborhood.
Ethan parked on the street and got out to wait for me as I parked. At this time of night, the neighborhood was quiet. Everyone was either high or already passed out. I grabbed my bag and joined him.
He offered his hand again.
“Better not,” I said.
Ethan nodded, then followed me toward the house. I let myself in and smiled at Mr. Petnu. Regret poured from him when he saw me.
“Izza, whatcha doing here?” His words were slow, but he watched me closely.
“Hi, Mr. Petnu. I thought I’d stay for a while, if that’s okay.” I moved aside, so Ethan could step into the cramped room.
“You know it is. Want my bed?” Hope flavored the air.
“Um, no thanks.” I waved a hand farewell and moved down the little hall to Ethan’s cramped room.
A full-size bed just fit between the two walls, leaving no room on the sides and only two feet between the end of the bed and the closet. The bed was neatly made, and the closet doors were closed. I knew if I opened them, I would see all of Ethan’s clothes tidily hung or folded.
“Explain to me again why you live here?” I said, setting my bag on the narrow dresser squeezed in between the end of the bed and the closet.
“I’m waiting for him to kick it so I can claim my inheritance.”
Ethan never answered seriously. I flopped back on his bed, and he joined me. We lay together, looking up at the stained, foam-tiled ceiling.
“He asks about you all the time,” he said, and I knew he meant his father. “He wants to know when I’ll marry you and actually make something of myself.”
“You still haven’t told him about the bar?”
Ethan snorted. “He doesn’t give a damn about what I do with my life, only who I settle down with.”
It wasn’t even that. Mr. Petnu wanted me to be with Ethan. Just me. Ethan’s father wanted us to live there with him. I would be his permanent high. Cheaper and better than anything he could buy. And, that was the reason I wouldn’t hold Ethan’s hand coming in. If his father saw, he’d think it meant we were finally together.
“All the more reason to leave,” I said before changing subjects. “Tell me what you saw.”
“I was watching the fight and filling drinks. People kept coming in as usual. I didn’t pay them any attention until that guy walked up to the cage.”
He turned his head. I turned mine to meet his serious gaze.
“He changed. One minute a man, the next...”
I nodded.
“Yeah. That’s what I thought. I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t something new someone lit up in there.”
Something flickered in Ethan’s expression a moment before he closed the gap between us and pressed his lips to mine. All night, he’d kept himself closed off. I’d only caught hints of emotions from him, nothing long enough to taste. As his lips pressed against mine, though, some of them escaped. Desire. Fear. Love. He pulled back.
“I love you.”
His words pierced my heart. Everything he felt for me drifted around us. It was a heady emotional mix that I wanted to drown in.
I pulled away and touched his face.
“I love you, too, just not that way.”
He closed himself off once more.
“Because you’ve never tried.”
“And I never will.”
He shut his eyes with a pained and sorrowful expression.
“Did you feel anything tonight?”
It wouldn’t do any good to pretend I didn’t understand what he meant. This was a talk we’d had before. He thought, if he could keep his emotions locked around me, it meant we had a chance to be something more together.
“Don’t lie and say you did. I know you didn’t.”
“Just now I did. When we’re alone. When there are no distractions. When you’re the only one I have to pull from. It will always be this way, Ethan. You know that. I have to be alone. I have to isolate myself.” I turned to my side and held his face. He opened his eyes. Hurt filled them. “If I don’t, I die.”
“What if—”
“No, Ethan. I won’t risk draining you. You’re too important to me. You’re the only friend I have. God, look at my parents.”
My parents weren’t much better than his. I’d broken them. Just by living with them as a kid. And, if I let myself love Ethan, like he wanted, if I spent every day of my life with him like he wanted, I’d eventually kill him. I would never be with anyone that way. Just holding hands on my first and only date had left that boy lying limp on the floor. Deep down, Ethan knew I would never do as he wanted. I loved him too much for that.
I sat up.
“I’m going to use your shower, then turn in.”
He nodded but didn’t move.
“I’ll take the couch.”
“Thanks.”
Two