“I had no idea Eric was involved with Charma,” Mattheus went on. “You could have blown me away with a feather when he said that.”
“It’s hard to understand, isn’t it?” murmured Cindy. “I never could make sense of it either, a guy like that.”
“He’s definitely a man of value,” Mattheus said, “and being involved with Charma doesn’t change that at all.”
“No, I suppose it doesn’t,” said Cindy.
“I really didn’t know he cared for someone else,” Mattheus went on, “I thought the two of you were falling in love. Then, when I saw how crazy Eric was about Charma, I realized what a jerk I was.”
Cindy was unnerved by the idea that Eric loved Charma so deeply. Why hadn’t she seen it as clearly as well?
“I don’t blame you if you can’t take my stupid jealousy,” Mattheus was disgruntled.
“You’re right, I can’t take it,” agreed Cindy. “That’s definitely for sure.”
“I don’t blame you if you want to get rid of me, either.” Mattheus continued.
Cindy was surprised to see Mattheus so truly shaken. “You don’t blame me, but you won’t let me go, either,” Cindy smiled slowly.
“You’re right, I can’t let you go,” said Mattheus. “You mean too much to me.”
Cindy felt the power of Mattheus’s feelings go through every cell of her body.
“How can you love someone and not trust them?” Cindy responded.
“That’s a wonderful question, and I don’t have the answer,” said Mattheus.
“What would it take for you to trust me, Mattheus?” Cindy continued.
“Another great question,” Mattheus replied. “At this point I don’t think it has anything to do with you at all. It’s up to me to not to go along with this jealousy. I have to recognize these crazy thoughts for what they are, nuts.”
“Easier said than done,” Cindy responded.
“That’s for sure,” Mattheus looked at her pleadingly, “but I’ve conquered bigger obstacles in the past.”
“You certainly have,” said Cindy as she decided to be completely forthright as well.
“And your ideas about me and Eric were not completely crazy,” Cindy went on. “ I did feel close to him and he was developing feelings for me as well. You picked something up.”
Mattheus breathed more easily. “Thank you for saying that. I thought so.”
“But I was far from falling in love with him and just because people have passing feelings for each other doesn’t mean anything more is happening. If you’re alive, you have feelings. So what? It doesn’t take away from my love for you.”
“It’s hard for me to see that,” said Mattheus, sadly.
“You’ve got to see it, Mattheus,” Cindy insisted, “or you’ll be on edge your
whole life long. You have to trust that you’re completely worth loving, no matter who else comes onto the scene.”
“Am I?” asked Mattheus in his charming, young boy voice.
Cindy’s heart flew open in a rush of love. “More than worth it,” she uttered, “it’s wonderful to be with you.”
Mattheus looked at Cindy deeply, taking it in. “You mean that?”
“Of course I do,” Cindy breathed. “But it’s up to you to receive it.”
“I receive it,” said Mattheus finally. “I thank you for it.”
“And the problems we had were not only because of you. It’s me, too, It’s hard for me not to answer a call for a case from a desperate person. I can’t drop everything then and spend time with you.”
“I’ve noticed,” Mattheus smiled, seemingly relieved that Cindy was sharing responsibility for the difficulties they faced. “I left last time because you put everything before me and I was convinced I didn’t really matter to you. But then I thought better of it. Finally, I realized, it wasn’t about me at all.”
“No, it wasn’t,” said Cindy.
“You love me as much as I love you,” breathed Mattheus, “you’re just in the grip of a mission you can’t stop.”
Cindy liked his way of putting it. “I’ve never thought of myself on a mission,” she replied, “it’s just too painful for me to say no to a call where a life is at stake. I couldn’t live with myself if I did that.”
“I realize that,” said Mattheus, “and when I left I didn’t know how we then could ever have a life. All of a sudden, a week later, it hit me. Solving cases is our life. We both love it.”
Cindy was startled. “It’s not that I don’t want time alone with you,” she repeated. “I do, I love it.”
“Of course,” said Mattheus, “I realize that. I also realize that when a call comes that’s important, you’re not going to ever say no.”
Tears suddenly filled Cindy’s eyes. “Can you live with that?” she asked in a small voice.
“What choice do I have?” asked Mattheus. “It’s either live like that or live without you.”
“There are other women,” started Cindy.
“No,” Mattheus stopped her immediately. “There’s no one else in the world for me but you. And there never will be.”
The intensity of Mattheus’s words made Cindy’s head spin.
Death by Seduction (Book #13 in the Caribbean Murder series)
Jaden Skye's books
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- Death by Obsession (Caribbean Murder #8)
- Death by Betrayal (Caribbean Murder #10)
- Death by Temptation (Book #14 in the Caribbean Murder series)