It’s been a week since the awkward showdown with Asher. He hasn’t said anything—neither have I. And to be honest, I’m not sure what there is to say. We aren’t best buddies, and at this point, I don’t even know if we’re friends or if I’m just some stupid girl who’s been trying to find a way to tell him about the baby.
Sure, there has always been an underlying attraction that just simmers under the surface. I don’t know if it’s just one-sided on my end, but sometimes I think that I can see the same heat I feel towards him burning beneath his sapphire eyes.
“Chelcie, did you hear me?”
I look over at Dee with a frown. “Uh, sorry. I must have spaced out. I haven’t been sleeping well lately.”
Her face softens for a second before her eyes narrow in concern. “And why haven’t you been sleeping well? Is everything okay with the baby?”
“What? Oh, no, the baby is fine. I have my checkup coming in three weeks and we should be able to find out what the gender is,” I sigh. “I’m just in a funk. I had a run-in with a drunk Asher last week.”
Her eyes widen for a second before she lets out a heavy breath.
Yeah, everyone knows what drunk Asher means.
“Was it that bad?”
“Well, let’s see. He called me fat. Basically said he would fuck me even though I was chubby, and then when I went to leave, he acted like he didn’t even know why I was pissed. So, yeah, it was pretty bad. It’s just… Now I don’t know how to act.”
“He did what?” she practically shrieks in outrage.
Dee turns in her chair and spins so that she is facing my desk. We’ve been working in her home office all day, catching up on some work that we’ve been putting off. I think at this point though, she is just giving me some things to keep my mind busy. She doesn’t really need me as much now that she closed the North Carolina branch of her insurance company. I think we both know that we’re grasping at straws to keep me working for her.
“I know. It was pretty brutal, but in his defense, he was really drunk. No, not just drunk—he was trashed. He didn’t just reek of alcohol, Dee. He looked like he had gone round for round with a cat and lost.” I smile a little at the memory. He might have been a giant ass, but I felt a little better knowing that he looked like he was feeling the bad end of the barrel. “I have no idea what the hell happened before his…whatever that was between us—but he looked terrible, Dee.”
“Chelcie—” she starts.
I hold my hand up before she can continue. I know what’s coming. It’s the same thing that’s been coming since the day I told her I was pregnant with Coop’s baby. The same thing that will continue to come until I grow some lady balls and tell Asher that I’m pregnant with his late brother’s child.
“I know, okay? I know. The longer I wait, the harder it will be for everyone involved. But please tell me how I tell a man who is either drowning in a bottle or sleeping his way through his misery that his brother knocked me up? Huh? Because the first thing he will think is the worst. I just know it. I didn’t ask for this, Dee. I’m thankful that I’ve been given this chance to become a mother…but I never asked for this.” I end in a whisper, angrily wiping the few stray tears that roll down my cheeks with the back of my hand.
I don’t want to be that stupid, weak girl who gets all weepy when shit goes wrong. I’m stronger than that. I refuse to be a backseat driver in my own life. I might not have asked for this—hell, I might not have even wanted this option…ever—but I will be damned if I lie down and live in self-pity.
“When he isn’t being a jerk, a whore, or a drunk, he really is such an awesome guy. He’s just so lost right now. If I tell him about the baby, he’s either going to freak out or blame me. I just know it.”
Dee looks at me with unconcealed pity. It would anger me, but I know she is coming from the right place. It’s a no-win situation, but it’s my no-win situation. I can’t sit here and bitch about it, hoping for her to fix my problems. No, it’s all on me, and it’s time I man up and do something about it. I can’t move on from this hole I’ve seemed to dig for myself until I start to build the ladder to climb back up.
And that starts and ends with Asher.
“I’m here if you need me, but please tell him soon. I look at him and it’s like looking in the mirror sometimes. He needs something to hold on to, Chelcie. He needs to know that his life is worth more than this misguided path of vengeance and self-destruction.”
I nod my head and make a promise to myself to get Asher alone—and sober—and finally let him know about the baby.
***