I wrap my hand around her, and say, “Thank you.”
But my eyes still hone in on the fire as my mind has already strayed. This pendant isn’t only for protection. It’s a burden too. A way to tell someone you care about them so much you couldn’t bear to lose them. Only when they die is it passed on.
It’s a relic of death. Something that doesn’t belong in my life anymore.
I don’t want to leave ruin in my wake. For once, I’d like to make people happy. Starting with her, Dixie Burrell, my girl. She’s the only reason I’m still walking this earth. The reason I don’t feel as lonely as I did before.
After pressing a kiss to her forehead, I walk toward the fire and hold the pendant above it.
“Are you sure?” she asks as she comes to stand beside me.
I nod. And as I drop the pendant into the fire and watch it burn, I haven’t been more sure of anything in my life.
The past and all its grief are behind me now. I wanna look forward to the future, and all it may entail.
But there is one person I have to thank for giving me so much wisdom, even in times when I didn’t think I’d need it. “Thank you, Papa.” I swallow away the lump in my throat. “For being the best Papa I could ever have.”
I won’t say his name out of respect, and I won’t cry. Grieving would prevent a person from passing over. It’s what he would’ve wanted, and respecting his wishes is the least I could do.
Dixie’s eyes water, and she too throws memorabilia into the fire; a photograph of her together with her family. “Goodbye,” she murmurs, and I hold her tight.
I don’t intend to let go.
Not now. Not ever.
This girl and I … we’ve entwined our worlds until we could no longer live without each other. The pain we’ve endured is incomprehensible, but if we hadn’t, would we still have loved each other this deeply? Would we have appreciated each other as much as we do now?
I doubt it.
Love doesn’t just happen to people.
You don’t just stumble onto it.
You work at it with passion and enthusiasm. Like building a burned down Stop & Shop from the ground up.
Brick by brick.
And I can’t wait to get started.
*
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Read on for an excerpt of The Hanged Man, featuring Hanson and Lillian!
Excerpt of The Hanged Man
Criminal. Outlaw. Murderer.
That’s only a few of the names people call me, and all of them are true.
I did the unforgivable. I killed a man in broad daylight.
I did it for her.
I paid my dues, did my time.
Now I’m out and I want her back, no matter the cost.
She hates me, but that won’t stop me from hunting after her.
I need her to be mine again.
And there’s a secret I have to tell …
But everything has its price.
I’m willing to pay.
Is she?
Prologue
Lillian
After
It’s finally time.
I grab one of the dull pencils from the tray and a piece of paper from the stack and place it down in front of me. Biting my lip, I stare wistfully at the sheet, wondering what I should write. If I should even write anything.
There are so many things I want to say, so much I have to explain, but none of the words in my head will suffice. She’ll never understand. She’s too innocent to know the truth.
So I opt for something else instead. Something familiar and loving, so she’ll know how much I care.
“Are you gonna start or what?” the woman across the shoddy table says while glaring at me.
I look up from my paper and gaze blankly ahead. “As soon as I know what to write.”
“You don’t get much time, y’know,” she adds, shrugging. “Suit yourself.”
I nod a few times. Advice is best not taken for granted, so I pick up the pencil and rub my lips together.
Dear Daisy,
You’ll probably never read this letter, but I want you to know that at least I tried. I’ve told your auntie Dana to hold onto the letters I send her until I get the chance to hand them to you myself. As much as I want to, I can’t be with you right now. But I promise it won’t be long. I’ll be with you again soon. Before you even know it.
I know you’ll be good. I know you’ll do great out there in the world.
And you know … I will find you again.
Love,
Mommy
Smiling, I read over the words again before my letter and those of all the other women next to me are taken by the guard as she passes us.
They’ll read the contents and decide whether it’s suitable to send.
This is how it always goes … here in prison.
There’s no choice to make, no autonomy whatsoever. Nothing but sleep, eat, work, and wait.
Wait until your time is up.
Until you can see your baby again.
But I knew the consequence when I did what I did. That I’d end up sacrificing precious time I could’ve spent with her. But it was the only choice I could make, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat if I had to.
It’s no one’s fault. Not mine or his.
Circumstances brought me here, and I accept that wholeheartedly.
Love … is what brought me here.
I made the ultimate sacrifice for my little girl.
For a man I couldn’t stop loving even when that same love ripped her away from me.
For both … I’d willingly hang.
*
Hanson
After
I park my green truck on the side of the road near the long, dry grass. Another truck is approaching not far up ahead, so I step out of the vehicle and shut my door. Tapping the top, I silently wait until it stops right in front of mine. The sun blocks the view as the guy steps out, but I can still make out a smile.
“And?”
“It worked,” Brandon says as he whisks an envelope from his back pocket. “You were right.”
“They wouldn’t follow you from her sister’s place,” I say as he walks toward me.
“I didn’t even see her. She just left a key on her porch and sent me to a PO box to get this.” He holds it out to me.